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00:00:00 (upbeat music)
00:00:02 1 Peter chapter three, beginning at verse eight.
00:00:22 Now, this is the goal.
00:00:28 To live in harmony with one another
00:00:32 and demonstrate affectionate love,
00:00:37 sympathy, kindness toward other believers.
00:00:44 Let humility describe who you are
00:00:51 as you dearly love one another.
00:00:55 Never ever, ever retaliate
00:00:59 when someone treats you wrongly.
00:01:03 Never retaliate when someone treats you wrongly
00:01:10 nor insult those who insult you.
00:01:14 But instead, respond by speaking a blessing over them.
00:01:23 Because a blessing is what God promises to give to you.
00:01:27 The scripture tells us,
00:01:30 whoever wants to embrace true life
00:01:33 and find beauty in each day must stop speaking evil,
00:01:38 hurtful words, and never deceive in what they say.
00:01:45 Always turn from what is wrong
00:01:52 and cultivate what is good.
00:01:55 Eagerly pursue peace in every relationship,
00:02:00 making it your prize.
00:02:03 For the eyes of the Lord Yahweh rest upon the godly
00:02:08 and his heart responds to their prayers.
00:02:13 The eyes of the Lord Yahweh rest upon those who are godly
00:02:21 and his heart responds to their prayers.
00:02:26 But he turns his back on those who practice evil.
00:02:33 I'm gonna talk for the next few moments
00:02:37 and I'm gonna go be long
00:02:37 'cause I know you have to go to the Super Bowl
00:02:40 when you leave the super house
00:02:42 after giving God your super praise.
00:02:44 But I'm gonna talk just a few moments
00:02:47 about correctly cultivating our connections.
00:02:51 Correctly cultivating.
00:02:55 Many of you are putting a bunch of time over here
00:02:57 trying to cultivate this, cultivate that.
00:03:01 But we need discernment to know
00:03:02 what God wants us to cultivate.
00:03:04 Correctly cultivating our connections.
00:03:08 Spirit of God, I love you, I honor you,
00:03:10 I thank you for your presence.
00:03:11 I could not live without it.
00:03:13 Never take your spirit from me.
00:03:16 (sniffles)
00:03:18 Have your way in here today.
00:03:19 We've given you glory, now we ask you to give us wisdom.
00:03:24 Give us wisdom and insight and direction.
00:03:27 And have your way through your word today.
00:03:29 We give you the praise in Jesus' name.
00:03:32 Somebody clap your hands and tell him thank you in advance.
00:03:35 Like you are getting ready to eat a big old steak.
00:03:38 Come on, thank him.
00:03:39 Woo!
00:03:41 Jesus' name.
00:03:43 On your way down, tell somebody cultivate your connections.
00:03:47 (congregation laughing)
00:03:51 It has been said,
00:03:52 it has been said that if you want to know
00:03:56 who you will become tomorrow,
00:03:58 take a close look
00:04:02 at who you call your friends today.
00:04:07 I don't know who said that, I think I might have said that,
00:04:09 but anyway, that's a good one.
00:04:13 If you want to know who you will become tomorrow,
00:04:15 take a good close look at who you call your friends today.
00:04:20 Often people have more influence,
00:04:23 a greater influence on our lives
00:04:26 than we know that they have,
00:04:28 or maybe you know it, but you just don't want to admit it.
00:04:31 Relationships really do matter.
00:04:37 If they didn't, God would not have said,
00:04:39 it is not good for man to be alone.
00:04:43 We are truly better together.
00:04:47 We are also created to co-exist.
00:04:52 We are created to need each other.
00:04:55 Many people went through horrendous times
00:04:58 during the pandemic because they suffered
00:05:01 from the lack of connection.
00:05:05 God created me to need you,
00:05:07 and he created you to need me.
00:05:10 He wired us for relationships.
00:05:15 Romans 12, write it down, verse five tells us,
00:05:18 so we, numerous as we are,
00:05:22 we are one body in Christ,
00:05:24 and individually we are parts of one another,
00:05:29 mutually dependent on one another.
00:05:35 Now you may not realize it,
00:05:37 or you may not want to admit this,
00:05:39 but if you are a part of the body of Christ,
00:05:43 and you are sitting next to a person
00:05:44 who is a part of the body of Christ,
00:05:47 you are dependent, and you are connected,
00:05:51 according to Romans 12 and five,
00:05:54 to the person that you're sitting next to.
00:05:57 Just look at them and say, I need you.
00:06:01 The problem is, it's not always easy to stay connected,
00:06:06 because life happens, life happens,
00:06:10 and the next thing you know,
00:06:11 you've been pulled this way,
00:06:14 or you've been pulled that way,
00:06:16 or you go through something
00:06:18 that causes there to be a separation,
00:06:22 or you go through a hurt, or a disappointment, or pain.
00:06:27 Whatever it is, it's caused things to shift in your life,
00:06:31 and before you know it,
00:06:32 that relationship that you felt connected with now
00:06:35 has began to crumble.
00:06:38 And seeing that in our world,
00:06:41 we are filled with so many disposable things.
00:06:46 How many of you know that we have a lot of disposable things?
00:06:50 When my kids were little,
00:06:51 a wipe was just a baby washcloth
00:06:54 that you wet before you left home,
00:06:56 and you put it in a sandwich bag, and you sealed it up.
00:06:59 If you could afford to seal bags,
00:07:01 if not, you just tuck that one in.
00:07:04 Y'all are so bougie.
00:07:07 (audience laughing)
00:07:09 Like you ain't never had to seal up a sandwich bag.
00:07:12 We didn't have wipes.
00:07:16 If we did, I probably couldn't afford them.
00:07:18 But now we have them.
00:07:22 We have disposable plates, disposable cups,
00:07:27 disposable cutlery, disposable food containers.
00:07:31 We have disposable gloves and disposable diapers.
00:07:35 We have disposable cameras.
00:07:37 Anybody still use the disposable, don't raise your hand.
00:07:40 (audience laughing)
00:07:41 But they used to make some of the greatest pictures I took.
00:07:45 Disposable batteries.
00:07:47 So because we're so inundated
00:07:49 with disposable things in our life,
00:07:51 we should be very careful not to be so quick to dispose
00:07:55 of the relationships that God has sent to us.
00:07:59 (audience applauding)
00:08:01 What makes our relationships fall apart?
00:08:04 Why do they go bad?
00:08:07 What is destroying them, and how do we fix them?
00:08:11 How do we build new ones?
00:08:13 Some people are just not good at building new relationships.
00:08:17 Better yet, how do we prevent the ones that we are in
00:08:21 from crumbling right at our feet?
00:08:24 Those are all very valid, very good questions.
00:08:29 And I think that if we're going
00:08:31 to make our relationships get better,
00:08:33 if we're going to make them improve,
00:08:36 then we have got to look at them intentionally.
00:08:39 If you don't build it, you won't have it.
00:08:43 Let me say that again.
00:08:45 If you don't build a marriage, you won't have one.
00:08:49 If you're waiting on just affection,
00:08:54 you ain't gonna have nothing,
00:08:56 'cause your affection might wear off someday.
00:09:00 But let me give you a little secret here.
00:09:03 There will always be differences between us.
00:09:08 So we got to build room into our relationships
00:09:14 for disappointments, disagreements, and differences.
00:09:21 The only people who agree on everything are dead people.
00:09:26 Okay?
00:09:28 So if you say you always get along
00:09:32 with everybody perfectly,
00:09:35 then either you're lying or you're dead.
00:09:39 And all your friendships are dead too.
00:09:42 God made us different on purpose.
00:09:47 We have different opinions about things.
00:09:52 We have different perceptions.
00:09:53 We see things from different angles.
00:09:56 We have different personalities.
00:09:58 We have different ideas, and we have different interests,
00:10:02 and there is a reason for that.
00:10:04 As a matter of fact, one of the reasons
00:10:06 that God gave us families is because family is a place
00:10:11 where God can take my differences and your differences
00:10:17 and merge them together and use that environment
00:10:21 to teach us relational skills.
00:10:25 Okay?
00:10:26 You shouldn't have to wait till you get out in the world
00:10:28 to know some kind of relational skills.
00:10:30 You should have learned them at home.
00:10:32 Family is the laboratory of learning.
00:10:35 Okay, I'm gonna say it again.
00:10:38 Family is the laboratory of learning.
00:10:41 And whatever you learn in that setting,
00:10:44 you ought to be able to pick it up
00:10:46 and carry it into whatever setting it is
00:10:49 that your life's journey takes you.
00:10:51 You ought to be able to take something from home
00:10:55 and take it to the lowest that you go.
00:10:57 You ought to be taking something from home
00:11:00 and take it to the highest place that you go.
00:11:03 Unfortunately, we are not always taught
00:11:07 like we need to be taught
00:11:09 on how to nurture healthy relationships at home.
00:11:15 Especially in my generation.
00:11:19 See, we were taught things like say you're sorry.
00:11:23 We were taught forgive people.
00:11:26 I was taught don't let the sun go down on your wrath.
00:11:31 We were taught family always sticks together.
00:11:35 I might fight my sister,
00:11:39 but don't think you gonna come up in here
00:11:41 and fight my sister.
00:11:43 'Cause even if I'm mad at her,
00:11:45 and even if we're having a bad day,
00:11:47 a good day would be for me to step up
00:11:49 and knock your lights out.
00:11:52 If you touch my sister.
00:11:54 We were taught the family got praised together.
00:12:02 Y'all were taught that too.
00:12:04 But we were not necessarily taught how to build one.
00:12:10 We weren't necessarily taught how to repair one
00:12:14 once it falls apart.
00:12:16 We were not given the secret ingredients to the recipe.
00:12:20 We were not given the building blocks
00:12:24 on how to make good relationships happen.
00:12:27 And you can do all of those things that I just said
00:12:30 that we learned to do at home,
00:12:31 like loving one another,
00:12:33 sticking up for your family and forgiving one another.
00:12:36 You can learn how to do that really good
00:12:38 and still hurt one another again and again
00:12:42 and again and again.
00:12:45 And we do that because though we are related,
00:12:51 we are not necessarily relational.
00:12:54 It's important that we understand how to be relational.
00:13:00 And what we need is for somebody to take a moment
00:13:04 and to teach us some practical ways
00:13:07 how to build successful relationships
00:13:11 and not just superficial relationships.
00:13:14 Right?
00:13:17 So today that's what we're doing.
00:13:19 What I'm about to give you is things
00:13:21 that can be applied to your relationships.
00:13:24 Actually to every relationship that's in your life,
00:13:27 your marriage, your children, your ministry,
00:13:29 your neighbor, your workplace, your friendships.
00:13:34 What I'm about to give you is gonna save you
00:13:36 thousands of dollars in money
00:13:39 that you could give to a counselor.
00:13:41 If you're sorry, hold on,
00:13:42 somebody's gonna find you pretty soon,
00:13:45 but if you're a counselor.
00:13:46 But if what I say to you today helps you,
00:13:50 just write your check out to the Father's house
00:13:53 north of Dallas, building the house,
00:13:56 the legacy project.
00:13:58 Seriously though, relationship building,
00:14:05 it is not rocket science.
00:14:09 A lot of people think, I just don't know.
00:14:13 It's really not rocket science.
00:14:16 And I'm gonna show you right now
00:14:17 that in your, every relational problem in your life
00:14:23 boils down to one or more of four negative attitudes.
00:14:29 Let's look at somebody and ask them, how's your attitude?
00:14:33 (audience laughing)
00:14:35 Listen, they don't even have to answer,
00:14:37 you can just look at 'em.
00:14:38 (audience laughing)
00:14:41 These, this is what I want you to hear me today.
00:14:45 These attitudes are enemies of our relationships.
00:14:50 Let me say it again.
00:14:52 These attitudes, they don't just make it difficult,
00:14:56 but they are enemies in our relationships.
00:15:00 Here's number one, write it.
00:15:03 Selfishness.
00:15:05 (audience exclaiming)
00:15:08 Ooh, there must be a lot of selfish people in here.
00:15:10 (audience laughing)
00:15:12 Selfishness.
00:15:14 - Selfishness.
00:15:15 - Selfishness will destroy relationships.
00:15:19 It is the number one cause of conflict.
00:15:24 It's the number one cause of arguments,
00:15:27 of divorce, of war,
00:15:30 because when a dictator sees something that you have
00:15:34 that he wants or she wants,
00:15:36 they then begin to declare war.
00:15:40 Write this down, James 4, 1 and 2 says,
00:15:43 "What leads to strife, to discord, and to feuds,
00:15:48 "and now to conflicts, to quarrels, and fights,
00:15:54 "it originates among you."
00:15:59 In other words, what's causing this to happen among you?
00:16:03 "Do they not arise from your sensual desires
00:16:07 "that are ever warring in your bodily members?
00:16:11 "You are jealous and you covet."
00:16:15 Y'all mad at me like I wrote this.
00:16:17 I did not write this.
00:16:19 This is the word of God.
00:16:21 James says, "You are jealous
00:16:24 "and you covet what others have,
00:16:26 "and because you do that, your desires go unfulfilled.
00:16:31 "So you become murderers,
00:16:35 "for to hate is to murder
00:16:37 "as far as your hearts are concerned.
00:16:40 "You burn with envy and anger,
00:16:44 "and are not able to obtain."
00:16:48 What starts all of this?
00:16:52 Selfishness, self-centeredness.
00:16:56 I'm not gonna ask you
00:16:57 if you know anybody that's self-centered,
00:17:00 'cause you might be sitting next to them.
00:17:02 Put your hand down.
00:17:03 That is not nice right there.
00:17:05 (congregation laughing)
00:17:08 It's real easy for selfishness
00:17:11 to creep into our relationships.
00:17:14 At the beginning of a relationship,
00:17:16 we work hard at being unselfish.
00:17:20 It's the building stages of relationship.
00:17:23 Where do you wanna eat?
00:17:24 Oh, it doesn't matter.
00:17:26 I just wanna eat wherever you wanna eat.
00:17:28 What movie do you wanna see?
00:17:32 Listen, it don't matter.
00:17:33 I just enjoy the fellowship.
00:17:35 I enjoy our time together.
00:17:36 We can go see whatever movie you wanna see.
00:17:40 But then as time goes on,
00:17:43 we slide into selfishness.
00:17:46 It begins to creep in.
00:17:49 And one of the biggest mistakes
00:17:52 that we make, especially in our marriages,
00:17:55 is that we put more energy
00:17:58 into building relationships
00:18:01 than we do maintaining them.
00:18:03 I just gave you a mouthful right there.
00:18:08 We put, think about it in your life,
00:18:10 we put tons of energy
00:18:12 into building a relationship.
00:18:15 But after we get in it,
00:18:16 we take one another for granted.
00:18:19 And we don't work at maintaining that relationship.
00:18:24 And when we stop making the effort, the effort,
00:18:28 then we have a tendency
00:18:30 to allow selfishness to set in like a fog.
00:18:35 So if we know that selfishness destroys relationships,
00:18:40 then why don't we change?
00:18:45 Well, there's a couple of good reasons for that.
00:18:48 One is being selfish is very natural.
00:18:51 Okay?
00:18:53 It's like when you're babies,
00:18:54 you've seen two little babies,
00:18:56 somebody gets their toy and they're like, "Mine!"
00:18:59 It's instinctive.
00:19:02 It's human to think about yourself first.
00:19:07 It's human to have your own best interest at heart.
00:19:12 Most of the time,
00:19:14 we don't think about everybody else first.
00:19:17 Okay?
00:19:18 Have you ever been in a group picture,
00:19:21 and then somebody shows you the picture?
00:19:23 Who's the first person you look for?
00:19:26 Yes.
00:19:33 And if it looks good where you're concerned,
00:19:37 it don't matter that somebody else's hair is like,
00:19:41 "Oh, that's a good one.
00:19:45 Yeah, we should post that."
00:19:46 (audience laughing)
00:19:49 It's natural to be selfish.
00:19:55 It's natural to be instinctive.
00:19:57 It's just human nature.
00:19:59 And guess what?
00:20:00 Our culture caters to that.
00:20:02 Do you, baby?
00:20:04 Have it your way.
00:20:09 And then the rise of social media platforms,
00:20:12 they have taken self-promotion to levels
00:20:15 that it has never been to.
00:20:18 And while that can be great to showcase
00:20:20 and give you some great opportunities,
00:20:23 it can also lead to people that are out there
00:20:25 just seeking validation from anybody and everybody.
00:20:29 It's just seeking validation from people
00:20:32 that at the end of the day,
00:20:33 it don't really matter what they think.
00:20:35 That social media has caused that to happen in our society.
00:20:42 And then there's the celebrity culture.
00:20:44 It contributes to all of that selfishness
00:20:47 because it causes us to build idols.
00:20:51 Oh yeah, that's my goal.
00:20:54 That's what I wanna be like.
00:20:56 And we find ourselves striving
00:20:59 to emulate lifestyles of celebrities.
00:21:03 And oftentimes it's at the expense
00:21:05 of genuine, real connections.
00:21:08 If it feels good, do it.
00:21:14 Y'all remember that one?
00:21:16 Forget about who it may affect,
00:21:19 or hurt, or damage,
00:21:21 as long as it feels good to you.
00:21:25 We've all heard, "What goes on in Vegas?"
00:21:30 - [Audience] Stays in Vegas.
00:21:31 - What does that mean?
00:21:33 (audience laughing)
00:21:35 What does that mean?
00:21:37 I can cheat on my spouse as long as I'm in Vegas?
00:21:41 (audience laughing)
00:21:44 Does it mean I can be immoral as long as I am in Vegas?
00:21:50 See, selfishness is destructive to all of our relationships.
00:21:56 And I was thinking about today,
00:21:58 as everybody was up here singing,
00:22:00 and worshiping, and dancing, and shouting,
00:22:04 as I looked at them, I looked at them thinking,
00:22:07 this is an all-star team.
00:22:11 All-star team.
00:22:15 But let me tell you,
00:22:19 even as an all-star,
00:22:23 even all-star teams lose championships
00:22:27 if they selfishly think like stars
00:22:30 and no longer think like a team.
00:22:32 (audience laughing)
00:22:35 See, the beauty of what happens here
00:22:36 at the Potter's House of North Dallas
00:22:38 is we got all-stars and they think like a team.
00:22:42 My God, help me.
00:22:45 That's why there doesn't have to be competition
00:22:47 in our marriage.
00:22:48 I'm a star, he's a star.
00:22:50 Together, we're all-stars.
00:22:53 And if God chooses to shine a light on me,
00:22:57 and I get blessed, I take it right home to him.
00:23:01 If God chooses to bless him,
00:23:03 he brings it right back home to me
00:23:06 because we don't think like stars,
00:23:08 we think like a team.
00:23:10 (audience applauding)
00:23:13 You take a basketball team,
00:23:19 if they're all-stars,
00:23:21 if they're out there playing as individuals,
00:23:24 and not as a team,
00:23:26 if they're out there
00:23:28 and all they're thinking about is their selves,
00:23:32 if they're out there
00:23:33 and all they can think about is their ego,
00:23:36 here's an acronym for ego.
00:23:38 Ego is edging God out.
00:23:43 (audience exclaiming)
00:23:47 You wanna mess in your marriage?
00:23:49 Start letting your ego lead the way
00:23:55 'cause you're edging God out.
00:23:59 And when your ego is out of control,
00:24:04 your life is out of control.
00:24:06 And you can rest assured
00:24:08 that God is not the one that's in control.
00:24:12 Right, this Proverbs 28 and 25.
00:24:15 He that is of a proud heart stirs up strife.
00:24:20 You ever seen people that,
00:24:23 every time they come around, strife just happens.
00:24:27 That tells me what's going on.
00:24:30 You have a proud heart.
00:24:34 You stir up strife.
00:24:36 It's selfishness.
00:24:38 And selfishness destroys relationships.
00:24:42 And if selfishness destroys relationships,
00:24:46 if selfishness can tear relationships down,
00:24:51 what builds them up?
00:24:54 Selflessness.
00:24:57 Selflessness.
00:24:58 What does it mean to be selfless?
00:25:00 It means I think of you a little more than I think of me.
00:25:03 It's quiet in here.
00:25:05 I'm just jumping all over your stuff, ain't I?
00:25:08 Anytime I think more of me than I think about you
00:25:14 in our relationship,
00:25:16 then I'm selfish and I'm not selfless.
00:25:19 Philippians says, "Stop looking to your own interests."
00:25:23 Stop, Philippians 2 and 4,
00:25:25 stop looking to your own interests,
00:25:27 but each of you to the interests of others.
00:25:31 Look at somebody and say,
00:25:31 "Take interest in somebody else for a change."
00:25:35 The message Bible says it like this,
00:25:39 "Don't push your way to the front.
00:25:42 "Don't sweet talk your way to the top.
00:25:46 "Put yourself aside.
00:25:49 "Help others get ahead.
00:25:51 "Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage.
00:25:55 "Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."
00:26:00 Yeah, that's good right there.
00:26:04 Let me tell you something about God.
00:26:06 His favorite classroom to teach us selflessness
00:26:11 is in our families
00:26:13 because they are the ones who get close to us.
00:26:17 See, it's easy to be selfless in a crowd
00:26:21 because nobody is placing demands on you.
00:26:25 If you hold the door open for somebody,
00:26:27 it's because you chose to.
00:26:29 But when you get inside of your family,
00:26:33 they are the ones that put demands on you.
00:26:36 They are the one that says,
00:26:37 "I'm doing this, but you got to do that."
00:26:40 Those are the people that see you up close and personal.
00:26:44 So your family is your testing ground
00:26:48 that will determine whether you're selfish or selfless.
00:26:54 We have to find ways to be selfless, okay?
00:26:58 We got to find ways to put somebody's need
00:27:02 in front of our own.
00:27:03 It needs to be a habit.
00:27:05 It needs to be a practice.
00:27:07 We got to find ways to really listen to somebody
00:27:10 when they talk to us.
00:27:12 We have to find ways to open our home to our friends.
00:27:16 We got to find ways to give somebody your time
00:27:20 and not be totally distracted.
00:27:22 Sometimes you have to stop multitasking long enough
00:27:26 to give somebody your attention.
00:27:28 Hello?
00:27:30 We have to stop dominating every conversation.
00:27:35 Almost say it again.
00:27:37 Stop dominating every conversation just because you can.
00:27:42 Y'all said, "I didn't come in here to hear all this."
00:27:49 You hear now.
00:27:52 Galatians 6 and 7, write it down.
00:27:55 "The person who plants, plants selfishness,
00:27:59 "ignoring the needs of others shall have a crop of weeds.
00:28:04 "But the one who plants in response to God
00:28:07 "will harvest a crop of real and eternal life."
00:28:12 This verse right here is talking about reaping and sowing.
00:28:15 It's a principle.
00:28:16 It's a universal principle.
00:28:18 The universe is built on the law of reciprocity.
00:28:22 The earth sends up vapor, the heavens send down rain.
00:28:26 You understand that right there?
00:28:28 So what he's saying to us is you're gonna reap what you sow.
00:28:32 If you plant criticism,
00:28:34 hello, people are gonna criticize you.
00:28:39 If you plant affirmation,
00:28:43 if you are that person that every time somebody
00:28:46 gets in your presence, they make you feel like
00:28:50 you are worth a million dollars,
00:28:53 they are planting affirmation in you.
00:28:56 And if you are that person that's planting it,
00:28:59 you can best believe that at some point in your life
00:29:02 that is going to come back to you,
00:29:03 but not in the measure that you gave it.
00:29:05 It's going to come back to you pressed down,
00:29:08 shaken together, and running over.
00:29:13 It says, but the one who plants in response to God,
00:29:18 that means your response has to be how Jesus would respond.
00:29:23 Whenever you can respond to pettiness
00:29:29 and respond like God would respond to that,
00:29:33 that's when you know you are making leeway
00:29:36 and you're not selfish, but you're moving into selflessness.
00:29:40 Whenever you can respond like God would respond
00:29:44 to the attack or like God would respond to the attacker,
00:29:48 whenever you respond like God would respond
00:29:51 to the manipulator, not like you would respond,
00:29:54 but like God would respond.
00:29:56 Whenever you respond like God to the person
00:29:59 that is insulting you, then what are you doing?
00:30:02 You are modeling selflessness.
00:30:04 And God says, I'm getting ready to reward
00:30:07 selflessness people, and I'm going to do it
00:30:11 by giving you real life and eternal life.
00:30:15 Do you all hear that today?
00:30:16 It's not just about what's going to happen when we die.
00:30:19 God said, I'm going to give you eternal life,
00:30:22 but I'm going to give you real life
00:30:24 right here in the real world.
00:30:26 Why is he doing that?
00:30:30 Why is he sweetening the pot with that?
00:30:33 Because he hates selfishness.
00:30:37 And he wants us to become like him, which is unselfish.
00:30:42 Can I tell you today, everything that you have in life
00:30:46 is a gift from God because he was unselfish to you.
00:30:52 So he says, when you decide to be selfless,
00:30:59 I'm going to give you a little reward.
00:31:03 I'm going to give you life in heaven,
00:31:05 but I'm also going to give you life on earth.
00:31:09 That means it's a special blessing.
00:31:11 And it only comes to people that have learned.
00:31:14 And I say learned because it's not just a normal thing.
00:31:19 It is a learned behavior, but it is a blessing
00:31:23 that comes to those that have learned
00:31:25 how to give themselves away.
00:31:27 One of the greatest lessons in life
00:31:32 is learning how to be unselfish.
00:31:36 Look at your neighbor, say neighbor.
00:31:38 I'm going to practice it.
00:31:39 I'm talking about living a lifestyle.
00:31:44 Everybody can be unselfish every now and then, right?
00:31:49 I'm talking about living a lifestyle of unselfishness.
00:31:54 I'm talking about living a life
00:31:57 that is motivated by his spirit.
00:32:00 Because if his spirit is not in you,
00:32:02 you will have a very hard time learning how to be selfless.
00:32:07 The only way you can really break the cycle of selfishness
00:32:12 is by God's spirit inside of you.
00:32:16 It's his spirit that is working in you.
00:32:18 Well, how do I know that what I'm doing
00:32:21 is being motivated by the spirit?
00:32:24 Or if what I am doing is selfishness?
00:32:29 I'm glad you asked.
00:32:30 Because whenever what you're doing is motivated by you,
00:32:35 pride starts creeping in.
00:32:41 You start feeling noble.
00:32:45 Lord, ain't no one of them gonna help me today.
00:32:50 My hope is in you, Jesus.
00:32:56 Whenever what you're doing is motivated by you,
00:33:01 pride creeps in.
00:33:04 You start feeling like, yeah, I'm great.
00:33:07 You start feeling like you're the hero of the situation.
00:33:11 Just look at me.
00:33:12 Look what a great person I am.
00:33:14 I did that.
00:33:16 I did that.
00:33:18 I made that happen for them.
00:33:21 See, when it's God's spirit, you don't do that.
00:33:26 You are completely at the opposite end of the spectrum.
00:33:31 Are you following me?
00:33:33 Write this down, number two.
00:33:35 The third, the second enemy of our relationships is pride.
00:33:40 It's a big killer in our relationships.
00:33:49 Write this verse, Proverbs 13 and 10 says,
00:33:52 "Pride leads to arguments,
00:33:55 "but wisdom is found in those who take advice."
00:33:59 When's the last time somebody in your house
00:34:04 gave you advice that you took and didn't bulk up against?
00:34:09 Pride usually shows up at first through criticism.
00:34:16 If you are critical, if I am critical of other people,
00:34:20 then guess what?
00:34:23 We might just have a pride problem.
00:34:27 I think you should say that.
00:34:29 We might just have a--
00:34:32 - Pride problem.
00:34:33 - Everybody say.
00:34:35 - We might just have a pride problem.
00:34:38 - If you are always judgmental.
00:34:42 - We might just have a pride problem.
00:34:45 - If you have a tendency to look down on others.
00:34:49 - We might just have a pride problem.
00:34:52 - If you are always trying to be a perfectionist.
00:34:56 - We might just have a pride problem.
00:34:59 - If you are always comparing and competing
00:35:02 with other people, then we might just have a pride problem.
00:35:06 If you're always comparing his car to your car,
00:35:09 or her house to your house, or her clothes to your clothes,
00:35:13 or your salaries and your status
00:35:16 to your brother's salaries and status.
00:35:18 If you're always comparing, well, my wife or my husband
00:35:22 against somebody else's wife or husband or children.
00:35:26 If you're always comparing titles and positions,
00:35:30 guess what?
00:35:31 We might just have a pride problem.
00:35:34 If you're stubborn to the core,
00:35:37 and if you have a problem admitting that you are wrong,
00:35:41 if you have a problem saying, I am sorry,
00:35:45 we might just have a pride problem.
00:35:48 And I'm not talking about saying,
00:35:55 look, if I offended you,
00:35:58 stop it.
00:36:03 Stop it right now, because that is not an apology.
00:36:07 Okay, you just try to feel better about yourself.
00:36:14 What you've just done is you've put it back on the person.
00:36:17 And it's like you're saying,
00:36:18 it's your fault if you are offended.
00:36:21 That is not an apology.
00:36:25 An apology is I am sorry.
00:36:28 I'm sorry, please forgive me.
00:36:31 I was wrong.
00:36:32 I was thinking wrong.
00:36:34 I was out of line.
00:36:36 I jumped too fast.
00:36:38 And if you cannot do that, you might just have a pride problem.
00:36:43 If your relationships are shallow,
00:36:46 if they're surfacy, and if they're superficial,
00:36:49 and you never let out anybody in,
00:36:51 and you always keep everybody at length,
00:36:54 and you use humor so that things don't go too deep.
00:36:58 If you're always faking, if you're always wearing a mask,
00:37:03 we might just have a pride problem.
00:37:07 When your story has to top the story
00:37:10 of the last story that was just told,
00:37:14 then we might have a pride problem.
00:37:17 When you're always offering advice,
00:37:21 but you never ask for any advice,
00:37:23 you might just have a pride problem.
00:37:26 And if you can never admit
00:37:29 to having any problems in your life,
00:37:32 you have one of the biggest problems that there is,
00:37:36 and it is called pride.
00:37:39 (congregation cheering)
00:37:42 The problem with pride is pride is self-deceiving.
00:37:49 Everybody else can see it, but you can't.
00:37:57 Everybody else knows it, but you don't.
00:38:02 Proverbs 16 and 18 says, "Pride goeth before pride."
00:38:09 What does it say?
00:38:10 "Pride goeth before," it doesn't say that.
00:38:15 "Pride goeth before destruction."
00:38:20 Not just a fall, 'cause if you just have a fall,
00:38:23 you might be able to get back up.
00:38:25 That's how dangerous pride is.
00:38:29 It's much more dangerous than a fall.
00:38:32 It does go on, and it says,
00:38:33 "In a haughty spirit before a fall."
00:38:38 But we've learned it the wrong way,
00:38:41 and we quote it like, "Pride goes before a fall.
00:38:45 "You watch, they're getting ready to fall."
00:38:47 No, pride goes before you are completely destructed.
00:38:52 The message Bible says it like this.
00:38:58 First pride, then the crash.
00:39:02 The bigger the ego, the harder the fall.
00:39:06 - Right.
00:39:08 - Pride destroys relationships.
00:39:10 So what is the antidote for pride?
00:39:12 Look at somebody and say it's humility.
00:39:15 - Yes.
00:39:16 - If pride can tear a relationship down,
00:39:20 humility can build it back up.
00:39:22 - Yeah.
00:39:23 - 1 Peter 3 and 8 was our text today.
00:39:25 What he's telling us there is in this one particular passage
00:39:30 he gives us five things to cultivate our connections.
00:39:36 Write this.
00:39:37 One, live in harmony.
00:39:38 Two, be sympathetic.
00:39:44 Three, love each other.
00:39:49 Four, I'll repeat them, have compassion.
00:39:53 Five, be humble.
00:39:58 Live in harmony, one.
00:40:02 Two, be sympathetic.
00:40:05 Three, love each other.
00:40:07 Four, have compassion.
00:40:11 Five, be humble.
00:40:15 If you ain't got it now,
00:40:16 go home and read 1 Peter 3 and 8.
00:40:18 You'll find it.
00:40:21 He said right there, live in what?
00:40:25 Harmony.
00:40:27 He didn't say live in unison.
00:40:32 You know the difference between harmony and unison?
00:40:35 Unison is when we're all singing the same note,
00:40:38 the same part.
00:40:40 Harmony is completely when we break into parts.
00:40:46 I may be singing bass, you may be singing whatever.
00:40:49 He didn't say live in unison.
00:40:55 So for all of you that are trying to make people
00:40:58 in your life do it just like you would do it.
00:41:03 Look at somebody and tell him, you wrong for that.
00:41:09 Because we were made different on purpose.
00:41:15 God wants us to hear the,
00:41:17 he wants to hear the harmony come out of our lives
00:41:21 because that's how he made us.
00:41:24 Harmony and humility go hand in hand.
00:41:28 And that is the beauty of a symphony.
00:41:31 Has anybody ever been to a symphony?
00:41:33 Few of y'all in here.
00:41:35 That's the beauty of a symphony.
00:41:37 It's all different kinds of instruments
00:41:40 that have come together.
00:41:42 And not one instrument in particular is pushing its way,
00:41:47 trying to stand out and be louder
00:41:50 than any of the other instruments.
00:41:52 And if you have one person that's always trying
00:41:57 to play the loudest,
00:41:59 louder than every other musician is playing,
00:42:01 loud, louder.
00:42:03 If you've got one person in the symphony
00:42:05 that's trying to stand out all the time,
00:42:08 they're trying to ruin the entire team.
00:42:11 If you have one person who always says with their actions,
00:42:16 hey, notice me, I'm the one over here.
00:42:20 If you have that person,
00:42:22 it's because they don't understand
00:42:25 that God wants us to live in harmony.
00:42:28 My gifts make your gifts function.
00:42:31 And your gifts make my gifts function.
00:42:35 And it ruins the joy of living if we mess that up.
00:42:40 So I want you this week to practice doing something
00:42:44 in your family, in your friendships, in your relationships
00:42:49 that promotes harmony and unity.
00:42:52 The Bible tells us, I'm almost finished,
00:42:57 that we need to grow in humility.
00:43:00 Can I just say to you, it's not like God just zapped us.
00:43:05 Oh, I'm humble.
00:43:06 I don't know, but you can go through some stuff in life
00:43:11 that is so bad that before you think about being prideful,
00:43:16 you look back and say, oh no, Lord.
00:43:19 I don't ever want to go through that again.
00:43:21 Let me tell you, humility grows.
00:43:27 What does that mean?
00:43:29 The Bible tells us that humility grows.
00:43:32 So it's not just you have it one day
00:43:36 and you don't have it the next.
00:43:37 It's a process.
00:43:40 How does it grow?
00:43:41 It grows by allowing Christ to have control of our thoughts.
00:43:47 It grows by allowing Christ to have control of our hearts,
00:43:52 to have control of our attitudes,
00:43:54 to have control of our reactions.
00:43:57 Write this down, Ephesians 4, 23 and 24.
00:43:59 It says, "And be renewed in the spirit of your mind
00:44:04 that you put on the new man,
00:44:06 which after God is created in righteousness
00:44:11 and in true holiness."
00:44:13 In other words, let the spirit change your way of thinking
00:44:18 and let the spirit of God that's within you
00:44:22 make you into a new person.
00:44:24 How do I become a new person?
00:44:26 How do I change the way that I think?
00:44:29 And I'm so glad you asked that.
00:44:31 Y'all are full of questions today.
00:44:33 So glad you asked that too,
00:44:35 because it's really one of the basic laws of relationship.
00:44:39 I tend to become more like the people
00:44:43 that I spend time with.
00:44:45 So for example,
00:44:48 if you spend most of your time with bitter people,
00:44:51 we become bitter.
00:44:58 If we spend most of our time with people that pray,
00:45:01 we learn how to pray better.
00:45:04 If we spend most of our time with people
00:45:07 that know how to praise and to worship and rejoice,
00:45:11 then we learn how to praise, to worship and rejoice.
00:45:14 If we spend most of our time with backbiters
00:45:17 and with gossipers and all of that kind of stuff right there,
00:45:21 if we spend most of our time with accusatory people,
00:45:26 then we become like the people
00:45:29 that we are investing time with.
00:45:32 So if you are investing time with backbiters and gossipers
00:45:36 and people who are quick to accuse other people,
00:45:40 then that tells me who your circle of friends are.
00:45:43 And I know more about you
00:45:45 because of the people that you are hanging with
00:45:48 than I know about you because of my experience with you.
00:45:51 But if you want to have more humility,
00:45:55 spend time with Jesus Christ.
00:45:58 (congregation applauding)
00:46:02 Philippians 2 and 5 says,
00:46:04 2 and 2, 3 through 5 says,
00:46:06 "Be humble, give more honor to others than to yourselves.
00:46:11 Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had.
00:46:14 Though he was God,
00:46:16 he did not demand and cling to his godly rights."
00:46:21 Woo, y'all hear that right there.
00:46:24 And we get a little bit of blessing,
00:46:25 we won't throw our weight around.
00:46:28 He was God, but he didn't cling to those rights
00:46:32 that says, "I'm God, you can't spit on me.
00:46:35 I'm God, you can't treat me like that."
00:46:38 He could have called 10,000 angels.
00:46:42 He could have come down, but he did not.
00:46:46 He could have come off the cross,
00:46:48 but he didn't because he had the spirit of a finisher.
00:46:51 And he said, "I will stay right here until it is finished.
00:46:56 Even though I am God, I don't cling to my rights as God."
00:47:03 No one has more humility than Jesus.
00:47:06 He came from heaven to earth so that he could become a man,
00:47:11 so that he could feel what we feel.
00:47:15 So when we say, "Jesus, I don't even know
00:47:17 how to articulate what I'm feeling."
00:47:20 He says, "I know exactly what that feels like.
00:47:23 I've been there."
00:47:24 He came to face what we would face.
00:47:27 He came to give his life for us.
00:47:30 He came to get up out of the grave for us.
00:47:33 He came, spent time with us
00:47:37 so that we could spend eternity with him.
00:47:40 And in doing so, we could learn humility.
00:47:45 The third enemy, there's only four.
00:47:48 The third enemy of our relationship
00:47:50 is the struggle of insecurity.
00:47:55 Insecurity will kill your marriage.
00:48:00 It will kill your friendships.
00:48:05 It will kill your children's future.
00:48:09 Struggle of insecurity.
00:48:14 Insecurity causes us to try and control other people.
00:48:20 And I'm gonna tell you something.
00:48:23 You wanna kill a relationship?
00:48:26 Start trying to control somebody.
00:48:27 It's amazing the dilemma that we as humans,
00:48:35 as beings face when it comes to insecurity.
00:48:39 Here's the dilemma.
00:48:42 We long to be close,
00:48:44 but we're also afraid to be close.
00:48:49 That's a dilemma.
00:48:53 We long for intimacy,
00:48:54 but we're also scared to death of it.
00:48:57 So insecurity and fear ends up preventing real intimacy.
00:49:05 Real intimacy comes out of real trust.
00:49:11 Y'all can say amen.
00:49:14 That's right.
00:49:16 And so the more I trust you,
00:49:17 the more intimate I can be with you.
00:49:22 But if I don't trust you,
00:49:23 I can't be intimate with you.
00:49:26 So what ends up happening is distrust
00:49:30 and disbelief and doubt and fear.
00:49:33 They end up overshadowing our relationship.
00:49:37 What are we fearing in our relationships?
00:49:42 You wanna know?
00:49:43 We're fearing exposure.
00:49:48 We're afraid that you're gonna find out
00:49:52 what we're really like, so we hide.
00:49:55 We need you so we're in enough to get what we need.
00:50:02 Hello?
00:50:04 But we're too afraid to give you all of us
00:50:09 because we're afraid that you're gonna find out
00:50:14 who we really are.
00:50:17 It's man's oldest fear.
00:50:20 Adam, wherefore art thou, Adam?
00:50:24 Adam said, I heard you, but I was afraid.
00:50:30 So I hid myself.
00:50:33 I was naked, so I hid myself.
00:50:40 'Cause when we're afraid, we hide.
00:50:43 We cover things up.
00:50:45 We wear masks when we're afraid,
00:50:49 and we pretend to be people that we are really not.
00:50:54 Fear makes us dishonest.
00:50:57 It makes us build up walls.
00:51:00 It makes us pull up, put up barriers.
00:51:04 And as a result, no one ever really gets the pleasure
00:51:09 of knowing you.
00:51:12 And God never intended for us as his family
00:51:17 to have to function like that.
00:51:20 Not only do we suffer from the fear of exposure,
00:51:23 we suffer from the fear of rejection.
00:51:25 Rejection is painful.
00:51:29 Rejection hurts.
00:51:30 So what do we do?
00:51:31 We shut ourselves down.
00:51:33 We withdraw, and we put up walls
00:51:37 because we are determined that we are never gonna allow
00:51:40 anybody to hurt us like that last person hurt us.
00:51:45 And can I tell you today,
00:51:47 maybe you've been rejected by a parent.
00:51:49 Maybe you've been rejected by siblings.
00:51:51 Maybe you've been rejected by a spouse,
00:51:54 or a leader, or a teacher, or a boyfriend, or a girlfriend.
00:51:59 Or maybe you've been rejected by your so-called brothers
00:52:03 and sisters in Christ.
00:52:05 Maybe you've been rejected by a boss.
00:52:08 Maybe you've even been rejected by a pastor.
00:52:11 And if that is your case,
00:52:13 I am so sorry that that happened to you.
00:52:18 And I'm gonna tell you, I grieved God
00:52:23 when it happened to you.
00:52:25 Because if anybody understands pain,
00:52:29 the pain that comes with rejection,
00:52:32 God understands it.
00:52:35 He suffered the ultimate rejection.
00:52:38 So God knows exactly and precisely how you feel.
00:52:43 And as your pastor, I wanna encourage you today
00:52:47 not to put up walls and not to harden your heart
00:52:51 and not make it so hard for other people to get in.
00:52:55 And I wanna encourage you not to live the remainder
00:52:59 of your precious life as in a self-imposed prison
00:53:06 because of what somebody else did to you.
00:53:11 That is a terrible mistake.
00:53:15 So I wanna challenge you to find the courage
00:53:19 to cultivate your connections again.
00:53:25 I wanna challenge you to find the courage to risk.
00:53:31 Yes, that's the word.
00:53:35 If I knew there was no risk, well, I guess.
00:53:38 But there's a risk.
00:53:40 I wanna challenge you to find the courage
00:53:46 to risk loving again,
00:53:49 to risk lowering all of those barriers,
00:53:55 to risk breaking down your walls.
00:54:01 But pastor, doesn't that mean
00:54:04 that somebody could potentially hurt me again?
00:54:07 Yeah, that's exactly what that means.
00:54:13 But I also believe that it's gonna make you come alive
00:54:18 in ways that you have not been alive in a mighty long time
00:54:25 because if you are living in fear,
00:54:28 fear of rejection or fear of exposure,
00:54:31 the truth is you're not really living life anyway.
00:54:35 And Jesus said, "I have come that you might have life
00:54:39 and life more abundantly."
00:54:42 So if our insecurities destroy our relationships,
00:54:48 what is the antidote for that?
00:54:50 Glad you asked because the antidote for that is love.
00:54:58 Love builds relationships.
00:55:02 It doesn't tear them down.
00:55:04 Anybody that is always wanting to tear you down,
00:55:09 I dare say I have to think twice
00:55:15 before I ever think that you really love me
00:55:18 because your goal is not to tear me down.
00:55:23 Your goal is to build me up.
00:55:28 - Yeah, preach.
00:55:29 - 1 John 4 and 18 says, "Love has no fear."
00:55:34 Perfect love casts out all fear.
00:55:40 Okay, how does that work?
00:55:44 See, when I know that I know that I know that I know
00:55:49 that I am loved by God,
00:55:53 that I no longer have to try to prove myself to you.
00:55:58 (congregation cheering)
00:56:04 Love that is liberating right there.
00:56:07 I no longer have to feel like I got to earn your love.
00:56:14 I don't have to do that to nobody
00:56:16 because my father loves me.
00:56:22 And I'm not desperate because my father loves me.
00:56:27 Desperate people will put off a desperate scent.
00:56:31 But when you know that your father loves you,
00:56:39 you know that he's got other people
00:56:41 lined up to love you too.
00:56:44 I knew my daddy loved me when I was a little girl.
00:56:50 And that's why I didn't attract jokers.
00:56:52 I didn't attract idiots.
00:56:53 I didn't attract people that were low.
00:56:55 I did not, even if they came into my life,
00:56:59 they could not be there for long.
00:57:01 They had to get out because I knew I was somebody.
00:57:06 (congregation cheering)
00:57:08 So I had to have a man that was secure,
00:57:12 a man that loved me.
00:57:14 Not every man knows how to love a lady
00:57:17 that has been raised by a father who loves her.
00:57:21 And if you can do it, I salute you.
00:57:26 (congregation cheering)
00:57:29 Do you realize how liberating that is?
00:57:37 All of my self-esteem, all of my identity,
00:57:40 all of my self-worth is not dependent
00:57:44 on how you feel about me on any particular day.
00:57:49 Even if you don't feel like I'm nothing,
00:57:51 I'm still something because my father,
00:57:55 even if you pack all your rags up
00:57:57 and get out of my house, go ahead, baby.
00:58:01 Don't let the door hit you.
00:58:03 Well, Lord.
00:58:04 (congregation cheering)
00:58:07 You can tell everybody I'll never be nothing.
00:58:12 It's too late, you understand?
00:58:14 'Cause I know who my daddy is.
00:58:16 (congregation cheering)
00:58:20 My identity in Christ.
00:58:23 Because of that, I'm not pressured anymore
00:58:29 to succumb to everybody's expectations.
00:58:33 (congregation cheering)
00:58:35 You want me to be what?
00:58:37 Okay.
00:58:38 Oh, but you, okay, okay.
00:58:40 And you have a nervous breakdown
00:58:42 trying to be what everybody wants you to be.
00:58:46 But when your identity is in Christ,
00:58:48 you do what 1 John 4, 15 and 17 says.
00:58:52 All who proclaim that Jesus is the Son of God
00:58:55 have God living in them.
00:58:58 We know how much God loves us
00:59:00 and we have put our trust in him.
00:59:04 God is love and as we live in God,
00:59:08 our love grows more and more perfect
00:59:12 so we will not be afraid.
00:59:16 (congregation cheering)
00:59:20 The key word in that scripture, write it down, is grows.
00:59:25 The key word there is that means
00:59:27 it may not happen overnight, but it's a journey.
00:59:31 And the more you are growing,
00:59:33 the more confidence you will have in your relationships
00:59:38 and the less insecure you will be.
00:59:44 How do we conquer insecurity?
00:59:47 Through establishing a relationship with Christ.
00:59:52 You see, when you have a strong relationship with Christ,
00:59:56 then you have the kind of love that casts out all.
01:00:01 - Yes, yes. - All fear.
01:00:03 - Yes, yes. - Here's my last point,
01:00:05 write it, resentment.
01:00:06 The fourth enemy of our relationships is resentment.
01:00:10 It destroys your relationship.
01:00:15 - Yeah. - Yeah.
01:00:16 - Job 5 and 2 says, "To worry yourself to death
01:00:18 "with resentment is foolish
01:00:22 "and it is a senseless thing to do."
01:00:27 Understand that because we all are imperfect,
01:00:32 we are going to make mistakes.
01:00:35 Because we are imperfect, we will disappoint people
01:00:40 and people are going to disappoint us.
01:00:43 Some intentionally, some not intentionally.
01:00:48 But the fact is that you are going to be hurt in life.
01:00:55 Some people say, "Well, I'm giving my heart to Jesus
01:00:57 "and I'm coming back to church."
01:00:59 But if one person,
01:01:01 (congregation laughing)
01:01:04 you ain't ready, you ain't ready.
01:01:07 'Cause somebody's gonna hurt you.
01:01:11 See, it's not about not being hurt.
01:01:15 It's about surviving the hurt that you're going through.
01:01:19 (congregation cheering)
01:01:21 'Cause you're gonna be hurt in life.
01:01:24 The thing that's more important
01:01:26 is what you do with the hurt that you've been dealt.
01:01:32 What you do with the hurt
01:01:34 is much more important than the hurt itself.
01:01:38 Does your hurt make you bitter?
01:01:41 Or does it make you better?
01:01:43 Does it make you carry a grudge?
01:01:44 Does it make you look for ways?
01:01:47 Laying awake in your bed at night,
01:01:49 trying to find ways to get even.
01:01:51 Does it make you feel irritated and agitated and angry?
01:01:56 Listen, play something so they know I'm quitting, Jay.
01:02:02 Listen, play something so I'll quit.
01:02:05 (congregation laughing)
01:02:07 All right, thank you, I appreciate that.
01:02:09 (congregation laughing)
01:02:11 Bring it just a little bit down.
01:02:13 Listen, let me tell you this.
01:02:14 When you hold on to irritations,
01:02:20 listen, this is good.
01:02:22 When you have been irritated and you hold on to that thing,
01:02:27 it ends up turning into resentment.
01:02:34 You know how you, do you know how you got resentful?
01:02:40 It's because you held on to all of those things
01:02:46 that irritated you.
01:02:48 You, sometimes it's the big things
01:02:52 that we go through in life,
01:02:54 but sometimes it's just a whole bunch of little things.
01:02:58 So then what do we do to stop the irritations
01:03:03 that we're experiencing from becoming resentment?
01:03:06 Number one, you have to ask God to help you
01:03:12 love that person that's irritating you
01:03:17 more than the irritations themselves.
01:03:21 The second thing is you need to go,
01:03:25 sometimes it's a conversation.
01:03:27 I think Pastor Travis was preaching a while back
01:03:29 and he said, "We just need to have a conversation."
01:03:31 Sometimes you need to go to the person
01:03:35 that's causing you all of this offense
01:03:40 and say, "Man, can we talk?
01:03:43 It really bothers me that this is happening."
01:03:47 Sometimes in our marriage,
01:03:51 we have to talk with each other like that.
01:03:53 Can I tell you something?
01:03:55 (congregation laughing)
01:03:59 And what do I say?
01:04:01 What do I say?
01:04:01 I say, "I'm going to tell you."
01:04:03 Anyway, 'cause trust me, baby, you want to know.
01:04:05 You don't want me to have these feelings
01:04:08 and you not know it
01:04:11 because you might constrain me out.
01:04:13 Yeah, I know you'd get back with me on that one.
01:04:17 You know, you gotta love that man right there.
01:04:23 You say, "Can we talk?"
01:04:26 And you got to talk
01:04:30 because not talking, period,
01:04:34 that's not an option
01:04:37 because if you don't talk,
01:04:41 resentment starts building up.
01:04:44 And now even if you say something nice to me,
01:04:47 I'm like, "Yeah, thanks."
01:04:49 Because we didn't go back to the root of it.
01:04:53 You got to go to the root
01:05:01 'cause if you don't go to the root,
01:05:03 you can't have any fruit.
01:05:08 And let me tell you, resentment, it's always wrong.
01:05:13 Anger is not always wrong.
01:05:17 The Bible said, "Be angry and sin not."
01:05:21 So there's a way to be angry and not sin.
01:05:26 But resentment, that's always wrong.
01:05:32 If it'll come down,
01:05:37 to the point where we are,
01:05:39 one thing will add to another
01:05:43 and it will add to another.
01:05:45 And your heart, when you allow enough anger
01:05:51 and irritation to pile up on your heart
01:05:56 without getting a release from it,
01:06:02 resentment builds up.
01:06:05 Resentment builds up.
01:06:06 When resentment builds up,
01:06:10 sickness has the potential to move in.
01:06:14 Mental sickness, physical sickness.
01:06:19 Spiritually, you find yourself sick.
01:06:22 And God says, "Do not do that."
01:06:26 Because when you're resentful, hear me,
01:06:30 you stop thinking clearly.
01:06:34 When you're resentful, you don't think right.
01:06:37 Your logic goes down the drain.
01:06:40 Your perspective is cloudy.
01:06:42 Your vision gets all out of whack.
01:06:46 And now your emotions are all out of control
01:06:51 because you've allowed one too many
01:06:56 bouts with anger and frustration
01:07:01 to pile up on your heart.
01:07:05 And when you're emotionally out of control,
01:07:08 you don't think rationally.
01:07:11 And you'll make one of the stupidest decisions.
01:07:15 It's possible that you will make
01:07:18 one of the most stupidest decisions
01:07:20 that you've never, ever made in your life.
01:07:25 Not only that, when your emotions are out of control,
01:07:32 you act in self-defeating ways.
01:07:35 Last scripture, write it.
01:07:37 Psalm 73, 21.
01:07:39 The New American Standard Bible says,
01:07:42 "Since my heart was embittered,"
01:07:44 Psalm 73, "Since my heart was embittered
01:07:49 "and my soul was deeply wounded,
01:07:52 "I was stupid and I did not understand
01:07:56 "the most foolish things
01:08:02 "that have ever been done
01:08:04 "are usually done out of revenge."
01:08:10 They're done out of retaliation.
01:08:12 I dare say that you have people that you know
01:08:18 who are sitting in a prison cell,
01:08:21 giving the best years of their life into a prison system
01:08:28 because they allowed resentment to move in and take over.
01:08:33 Now, they want revenge and they want retaliation.
01:08:38 And at the end of the day, it really hurts you.
01:08:44 It stresses you out.
01:08:46 Your stomach is in knots.
01:08:49 And your enemy, totally oblivious.
01:08:54 They're partying, they're dancing.
01:08:58 They might even be in a church across town.
01:09:00 You're full of resentment.
01:09:04 And what you need in those moments in your life,
01:09:08 when you are not thinking clearly,
01:09:09 you need friends who are.
01:09:12 I said, you need friends who are.
01:09:16 You need somebody that can look at you and say,
01:09:19 "Hey, it ain't worth it."
01:09:23 You need relationships in your life
01:09:25 that will stop you from hurting yourself.
01:09:29 You need relationships that say,
01:09:30 "You know what, I know what they said to you,
01:09:33 "but listen, get that bitterness out of your spirit."
01:09:36 You need friends in your life who say,
01:09:39 "Let me show you a different perspective."
01:09:42 Whatever you do, don't stuff it.
01:09:44 And don't pretend like it didn't happen.
01:09:46 And don't ignore the elephant in the room
01:09:48 because the elephant is in the room.
01:09:51 Be honest, because that is how we grow.
01:09:56 And I'm gonna close, I promise.
01:09:59 Sometime next week.
01:10:00 Here's the reality.
01:10:03 Listen, you can put your notes away if you want to.
01:10:06 But the reality is,
01:10:08 usually those that we want to love the most
01:10:14 are the ones who are the most difficult to love.
01:10:24 (audience applauding)
01:10:27 The ones that we want to love the most
01:10:32 are the ones that usually are the ones
01:10:34 that are most difficult to love.
01:10:36 And so as a result, we end up resenting them the most.
01:10:41 What's the antidote for resentment?
01:10:45 Forgiveness.
01:10:47 Forgiveness.
01:10:50 I know y'all were hoping I was gonna give you something
01:10:51 that was so easy and you could snatch it up and just do it.
01:10:55 It's called forgiveness.
01:10:57 For if resentment tears down relationships,
01:11:02 forgiveness has the power to build them back up again.
01:11:06 If you're going to have a long-term relationship
01:11:12 in your life, you will need massive doses of forgiveness.
01:11:22 You got to have them.
01:11:24 Why forgive?
01:11:27 Why?
01:11:29 Well, number one, because resentment doesn't work.
01:11:32 So you have to forgive for your own benefit.
01:11:35 Why forgive?
01:11:38 Because you've been forgiven.
01:11:39 Hello, why forgive?
01:11:43 Because if you keep living,
01:11:45 you're gonna need more forgiveness in your future.
01:11:48 So you need to sow it so you can grow it.
01:11:52 Human love runs out, but God's love will run on.
01:11:59 And just for the record,
01:12:02 forgiveness is not making an excuse
01:12:08 for the person that hurt you, because that's real.
01:12:12 That was real.
01:12:15 It's not minimizing the hurt because it was massive to me.
01:12:20 It's not justifying the thing by saying,
01:12:26 "Oh, it's okay, it's no big deal."
01:12:29 It was a big deal.
01:12:30 It was a big deal.
01:12:33 Forgiveness is letting go of the pain.
01:12:36 And it's also letting go of the right to get even.
01:12:44 So he was God.
01:12:45 He never clung to the rights that God had.
01:12:51 (upbeat music)
01:12:54 (upbeat music)
01:12:57 (upbeat music)