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00:00 I'm hypersensitive to noise, to sounds, to lights.
00:06 Even the smallest lights make me angry.
00:09 That's actually difficult for me because I can't focus.
00:15 For example, if I need to work, I can't focus on work.
00:18 I'm Aisha Nadra, 27 years old.
00:20 I have a type 1 bipolar disorder.
00:27 I was diagnosed in 2019.
00:31 I had just graduated and was about to start working.
00:37 That's when I realised that I was depressed.
00:42 I didn't know that was the cause
00:51 until I went through repeated therapy.
00:55 I can say that it was a childhood trauma.
01:01 I was traumatised when I was young.
01:05 The hardest time for me was when I struggled
01:18 to think about my future.
01:22 I was also in a manic state, which is anger.
01:29 I realised that I was manic when I was easily angry at small things.
01:37 When I was manic, I was hypersensitive.
01:45 I was hypersensitive to noise, to sounds, to lights.
01:52 Even the smallest lights make me angry.
01:55 That's actually difficult for me because I can't focus.
02:01 For example, if I need to work, I can't focus on work.
02:04 If I need to go out with my friends, I can't focus on going out with them.
02:10 Because the thought of killing myself is very intense.
02:14 As a human, I have a sense of awareness that something is wrong
02:19 and it's not something that's right to do.
02:22 I don't want to die. I have dreams and I have dreams.
02:27 So, those thoughts prevent me from functioning as a normal human being.
02:36 So, these times are very difficult for me.
02:41 Other than when I'm in a manic state.
02:46 If I were to talk about my experiences with myself,
02:51 I don't have anything obvious.
02:54 I don't have anything physical.
02:57 But more to my own thoughts and feelings, yes.
03:04 I say bad things about myself
03:07 and when I tell people that I'm this and I'm that,
03:13 they believe me.
03:15 So, that's one of the things that I think I understand myself well.
03:21 It has a lot of negative effects on me.
03:23 Can it happen?
03:29 Yes, it can.
03:30 Because I'm a person who is shocked by my condition.
03:35 Since I was diagnosed in 2019,
03:39 I've been talking about my condition on social media.
03:43 In 2019, not many people understood about mental illness.
03:48 So, they didn't believe me.
03:50 Because I'm a person who is very happy with men.
03:54 They know me as someone who is very happy and has no problems.
03:58 And then suddenly, you're depressed.
03:59 So, actually, it's not a stigma.
04:06 But it's more of a fear.
04:09 And also, why is it like this?
04:11 And they don't know how to help.
04:14 So, sometimes when I share,
04:17 there are words like...
04:20 You don't have to share things like this on social media.
04:23 People don't even want to know.
04:25 But I don't share it for them.
04:28 I share it for other people who are suffering.
04:31 Of course, because this illness has given me...
04:41 People say it's what's changing my life now.
04:46 I would say I wouldn't change anything.
04:49 I wouldn't change what I've been through.
04:53 Because this illness has made me know God.
04:58 This illness has made me know the people of the seven heavens.
05:03 It has made me know what life is really like.
05:07 And what our purpose in life is.
05:09 What our purpose in life is in the world.
05:12 So, in the future, if I'm on a different path,
05:16 if I'm given a choice, I would say,
05:18 I would do it just in my daily life.
05:20 When it comes to changes and such,
05:27 I don't have many people I can share my feelings with
05:32 or the difficulties I've been through.
05:35 But, thank God, now, because I work in a business,
05:39 I'm in a very supportive circle.
05:45 So, I see the people at the business,
05:48 my friends who work in the business,
05:50 especially myself,
05:51 the strongest support I have.
05:54 And also, of course, my family didn't understand.
05:58 But now, my family still doesn't understand.
06:01 But, thank God, they've started to help
06:06 in ways they didn't know how to.
06:08 We never talk about it, but I know they try to
06:13 help me as much as they can
06:16 in ways they didn't know how to.
06:23 My advice is to never give up.
06:25 Remember, our purpose in this world is two things.
06:29 One, to pass the exams.
06:33 And also, to do the job.
06:35 So, we live in this world temporarily.
06:41 So, we have a place to go to that's permanent.
06:45 So, every exam we take,
06:48 it's because God knows we're able to face it.
06:52 So, if God says we're able to face it,
06:56 who are we to say no?
06:59 So, what we do is just that
07:02 we're grateful and content with what we have.
07:06 We don't need to look for perfection.
07:08 Because perfection won't be in the world we live in now.
07:11 Be grateful and content and give to Him.
07:17 Be grateful and content and give to Him.
07:22 (gentle music)