Burb Patrol follows the workplace adventures of Randall, an uncompromising by-the-book security guard and his partner Al | dHNfWk1raTlnVWx2UkU
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00:00 What's the number one rule?
00:02 Never let your partner handle angry suburban moms alone.
00:06 Let's say it together.
00:08 Never let your partner handle angry suburban moms!
00:12 Good afternoon, gentlemen.
00:14 You weren't doing anything.
00:15 His door was the wrong shade of brown.
00:17 Hey, I don't make the rules. I just enforce them.
00:19 Squatty, no!
00:20 No water?
00:21 It's not about the water, Squatty.
00:22 You're violating my 13th Amendment rights!
00:24 That's slavery!
00:25 That's how I feel!
00:26 Oh, I'm flamingo!
00:27 No, no.
00:28 Then you know the rules!
00:30 We back.
00:33 Stop harassing women.
00:34 Feminism!
00:35 Stop harassing women!
00:36 I'm not going to be bullied by the likes of you two dipshits.
00:38 You lads going to give each other a wank while you're standing there, right?
00:41 Oh.
00:42 It's your duty to protect members of the community, including him.
00:47 Big Papa Heaven-Vising out the cooler.
00:49 I am a certified yoga instructor and sex therapist.
00:53 We're in the porn hub business, all right?
00:55 This is a family neighborhood.
00:57 Now, my partner, she's usually pretty cool about stuff like this,
01:00 but today he's on some John Wick shit.
01:02 I'm going to need you to perform CPR on us.
01:07 What?
01:08 The job seems so scary.
01:09 It can get pretty dangerous, but we got it.
01:12 Ow!
01:13 God!
01:14 She bit my titty!
01:15 Copy that. I'd rather not talk about it.
01:16 Ow!
01:17 I'm going to need help.
01:18 This is the best part about this job.
01:20 I see why you do it.
01:21 Don't you have anything better to do?
01:22 It's just f***ing lemonade.
01:24 I will end you!
01:26 [music]
01:31 (car engine revving)