Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, presents low-budget scary movies and provides sarcastic, campy commentary. | dHNfS2NhOXBGWGhVSVU
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00:00 [Music]
00:03 [Explosion]
00:04 [Music]
00:25 [Explosion]
00:26 [Music]
00:34 Hello darling.
00:35 Yes siree, it's little old me, that gal with the strut that drives the boys nuts.
00:41 Elvira, mistress of the dark.
00:42 Well, it looks like I've really gone and done it this time.
00:46 My close personal friend, Barbara, has been bugging me for years.
00:53 Elvira, darling, when are you gonna let me come on your show?
00:55 And I say, Barbara, baby, if we ever run one of your pictures, of course I'll have you on.
01:02 So what happens?
01:03 I misread the title of the movie we're showing this week.
01:06 Why I thought it said "Yentl", I will never know.
01:10 But I asked the girl down here and now she's in the green room crying her eyes out
01:14 because I had to tell her that instead of "Yentl", the movie's called "The Yeti".
01:19 Instead of big nose, it's big foot.
01:23 Gee, what can I say?
01:24 That's showbiz.
01:26 Randy, open the door a minute.
01:27 Just listen to her.
01:28 She's crying her heart out, see what I mean?
01:34 Okay, Randy, shut the door, shut the door.
01:35 I've heard enough.
01:36 Boy, to tell you the truth, when that movie "Yentl" came out, I never could buy her as a woman anyway.
01:41 Okey-dokey, we'll get to our movie "The Yeti" right after these pearls of wisdom from the advertisers.
01:49 (music)
01:51 Hello, I want to speak to the boss.
02:02 Sorry, bub, but the boss ain't here.
02:04 If you want to talk to Bruce Springsteen, you're just gonna have to pay 20 bucks for a ticket like everybody else.
02:09 Phew, boy, I would like to talk to the boss, my own darn self.
02:14 I mean, boss here at the station, that's a little program director.
02:17 I'd like to give him a piece of my mind for sticking us with another one of these poorly dubbed, out of sync movies.
02:24 I mean, where the actors can't even keep up with whatever it was they were saying in the first place.
02:28 Boy, talk about nerve-wracking.
02:31 I mean, just trying to watch something like this is enough to give a person the...
02:35 Take a tranquilizer and go to bed.
02:38 Hey, I can't go to bed.
02:41 I've got a job to do.
02:42 And as for the tranquilizers, I don't do drugs.
02:46 Why do you think they call it stupid, dope?
02:49 Oh, hooray, the Yeti is alive!
02:55 Oh, yay, Yeti!
02:56 They might be humming a different tune once they learn that the last thing old Yeti boy had to eat before the Ice Age came along
03:04 was a generous portion of corned beef and cabbage.
03:07 And I thought this Operation Yeti was supposed to be serious stuff.
03:12 Then you tell me, why'd they take along a video game with him on the helicopter?
03:17 Boy, that is one heck of a time to be playing Donkey Kong.
03:20 And I've never been that fond of helicopters in the first place,
03:24 but I'd certainly never go up in one with a pilot that looked like this guy.
03:28 I mean, he looks like some kind of wino or something.
03:31 He doesn't need a helicopter to get high.
03:33 Just give him a bottle of cheap Ripple.
03:35 Well, like the man said, you ain't seen nothing, Yeti.
03:39 Our feature continues after this time out for the advertising.
03:43 Yeah, Herbie, just puff your cheeks out and pretend to eat it.
03:47 And don't think of it as raw fish.
03:50 Just keep telling yourself it's sushi.
03:52 You know, they say that fish is supposed to be brain food, right?
03:56 Well, if they had any brains, they'd pan fry that fish instead of eating them raw.
04:00 And boy, did that Yeti ever wake up on the wrong side of the iceberg.
04:06 I guess you really can't blame him for being a little ticked off.
04:09 I mean, waking up after a million years and finding yourself dangling 900 feet up in the
04:13 air chained up inside a phone booth.
04:15 Boy, I'll tell you something.
04:17 Seeing him inside that telephone booth kind of reminded me of a giant economy-sized breather.
04:22 Only difference is, he ain't quite as ugly as breather.
04:26 Well, he'll be right back after this.
04:29 Come on, Yeti.
04:32 Follow.
04:33 Walk this way.
04:36 Somebody better give that hairball on stilts a flea bath.
04:39 I mean, forget the Bactine.
04:40 Next time, bring along the underarm deodorant.
04:43 And I just love that nutty professor with his Andrew Cleese in the Lion Story.
04:49 Guess that's one that Yeti never heard before.
04:52 Professor goes, "Oops."
04:53 And for Jane's sake, I hope he's never heard the one before that goes, "Not tonight, honey.
04:59 I've got a headache."
05:00 Okey-doke.
05:03 Me Elvira, Yeti, ugly, movie stink, commercial go.
05:08 You follow?
05:09 Hey, good for Cliff.
05:14 Looks like he's coming up in the world.
05:16 Why, just a little while ago, Jane was telling him to go and lick his boss's boots.
05:20 Now, by golly, he is the boss.
05:23 Boy, it'll be a little difficult for him to lick his own boots, especially if he leaves
05:28 them on.
05:29 And if he's smart, he will leave them on, because I ain't so sure that Yeti's been housebroken.
05:35 And what do you think Cliff's up to anyway?
05:38 A little industrial sabotage, perhaps?
05:41 Gee, I hope they don't go and try to give this movie a plot.
05:45 I mean, it's just been getting along fine without one up till now.
05:48 If they start messing with it, they're going to ruin a perfectly bad movie.
05:56 Now that is what you call giving a little gal a big hand.
06:00 And I guess you might say that Jane really fell for that Yeti.
06:04 How does the old saying go?
06:07 Big hands, big, uh, big feet?
06:10 Yeah.
06:10 Yeah, that's how it goes if you're doing a family show like Movie Macaque.
06:14 And didn't you just know that Yeti boy had to go on another rampage?
06:18 I mean, you could have made book on it, especially when they started in with them flashbulbs
06:23 again.
06:24 Boy, you would think they would catch on.
06:27 I mean, if I remember right, King Kong never was too fond of flashbulbs either.
06:31 Come to think of it, watching this movie is sort of like watching King Kong in reverse.
06:36 Instead of grabbing the girl and climbing up the building,
06:39 climb down the building and then grab the girl.
06:41 Say, you don't think we could be running King Kong backwards, do you?
06:46 No, I thought I might have heard somebody in that crowd yell, "Paul is dead."
06:51 Hmm, movie continues after this.
06:54 Oh, swell!
06:58 That's just what Yeti needed to be framed for something he didn't even do.
07:02 I mean, it's not like he doesn't have problems of his own right now.
07:06 I mean, he ain't exactly topping the popularity charts up there in Toronto to begin with.
07:10 Although when the Blue Jays saw that catch he made with Jane,
07:13 they wanted to sign him up to play left field.
07:15 Why, when Yeti saw the bill for replacing all that glass he kicked out,
07:19 it was enough to send him into cardiac arrest.
07:22 So sure, just go ahead and blame something else on Bigfoot.
07:26 Oh, you can call me Satchwatch or you can call me Yeti.
07:30 You can call me Satch or you can call me Yet-Satch.
07:34 Uh, you can call me SW and you can even call me Abominable.
07:38 But you doesn't have to call me Bigfoot.
07:41 Jeez, even when that guy cries, he's out of sync.
07:48 I mean, who ever heard of being out of cry sync?
07:50 It's like someone dared him to keep a straight face and he lost.
07:54 Boy, that was a pretty rotten thing what them goons did to that lovable Professor Waterman.
08:00 And they got just what they had coming.
08:03 Thanks to old Yeti, baby.
08:05 Boy, that was toe jamming Yeti style.
08:08 To tell you the truth, I think the odor would have been enough to kill him.
08:12 And I wish the police would start listening to Jane.
08:15 Instead of trying to blast the Yeti, they could hire him to be on the force.
08:19 I mean, just think, all by himself, he'd be able to stamp out crime.
08:24 Okay, the exciting conclusion to this week's Movie Maker is coming right up.
08:30 Stay glued.
08:31 Oh, so what's he supposed to do now?
08:34 Go back to the Himalayas and freeze his key straw for another million years?
08:38 Nobody even bothered giving him a pair of thermal underwear or nothing.
08:42 But can you imagine being the actor they hired to play the Yeti?
08:46 I can just hear his agent on the phone now.
08:48 Hey, trust me, it's a really big part.
08:51 But some actors get it in their contract to know that they can keep their wardrobe.
08:55 What'd the poor devil who played Yeti end up with?
08:58 An aerial rug?
08:59 Well, that's about it for this time around.
09:02 Next week, it's everybody's favorite rat picture, Willard.
09:06 I'd like to bait you with a little scene, but we're all out of time.
09:12 Oh, I wonder if Stryson's still out there in the green room, crying her eyes out.
09:17 Randy, open up the door a little.
09:19 I'm gonna have to sneak out the back way.
09:25 Well, I'll be looking for you next week then, and until then, unpleasant dreams.