Category
😹
AmusantTranscription
00:00 [music]
00:02 [music]
00:31 [music]
00:37 Just two more, come on!
00:39 Okay, five more.
00:41 Okay, five more!
00:44 Hey, you said two!
00:46 You can't predict this, Tay. I've done it enough to know.
00:50 My Game Boy's out of batteries. I need to get on the Nintendo, quick!
00:55 Just a minute, Bobby. Get ready to turn. And... turn!
01:01 Way to go, Bobby!
01:05 Hi, Uncle Hank.
01:09 Ah, shut that off!
01:11 Bobby, stop dancing now!
01:14 He is not just dancing. He's firming his thighs and tightening his buttocks.
01:19 Watch your mouth!
01:21 Jeez! Ah! Ah! God!
01:25 Luan! Ah, damn it!
01:29 Look at this place!
01:31 What is it, Uncle Hank?
01:33 The sofa bed's in the out position.
01:37 And I can't find nothing in here anymore.
01:39 What are you looking for?
01:41 I didn't used to have to be looking for something.
01:45 I'd come into my den and just look.
01:47 Look at my different stuff and get ideas about what I want.
01:51 Don't worry, Uncle Hank. I'll be out of your hair soon.
01:55 I think Buckley's gonna ask me to move in.
01:58 Isn't it neat?
02:00 I'll be going from Daddy to you to Buckley.
02:04 It's an amazing journey, Luan.
02:07 What about this? Maybe you want this record?
02:10 No, it doesn't work like that.
02:12 How about this tackle box?
02:14 Luan, what did I just...
02:17 Well, that might need reorganizing.
02:20 Get a move on!
02:27 [arguing]
02:30 What do you think you're doing?
02:32 Why do you let Luan go out with that hairball?
02:35 It's none of my business. She's not my daughter.
02:38 Anyway, that Buckley may be dumb as dirt, but he's her ticket out of my house.
02:43 [car engine]
02:46 Keep going!
02:55 They should be out of my sight by now.
02:58 [crying]
03:09 Man, them dang old birds flying low this season.
03:13 It's probably a dang awkward, man.
03:17 What the hell was that?
03:23 That was a breakup.
03:25 At least that's what it was the last time I ran into the house crying.
03:30 [crying]
03:33 [crying]
03:36 Uh, heh. Heh, a lot of tears. Heh.
03:49 Guess what was on sale?
03:51 Oh, my lord, you've been dumped!
03:54 [crying]
03:56 Oh, there, there. All right, you tell Aunt Peggy all about it.
04:01 [crying]
04:04 Fish sticks?
04:28 Oh.
04:30 Hey, you know, I was almost killed at this--
04:32 Okay, Hank, please, try and be sensitive.
04:36 Okay, honey, go ahead, you let it out.
04:41 It is natural. This is the healing process.
04:45 [snort]
04:47 [sigh]
04:50 Peggy.
04:52 I had a talk with her today.
04:54 Passed the first hump. So, that leaves only seven more humps.
04:58 Peggy, I need you to fix her now.
05:00 Without my quiet time, I'm not an effective propane salesman.
05:05 Well, you can't rush it, Hank.
05:07 The formula is, for however long she was dating him,
05:10 that's how long it takes to get over him.
05:12 You mean we got three more weeks of this?
05:15 If you don't fix her, I'll have to.
05:17 Oh, well, honey, I don't think you have the tools for that job.
05:21 What's that supposed to mean?
05:23 Well, remember when my aunt died,
05:25 and you kept grabbing me around the waist and saying, "Let's wrestle!"
05:28 Yeah, but you told me that helped you.
05:30 I did? Well, yes, it did.
05:33 See?
05:34 Look, if you really want to help,
05:36 sometime tomorrow you tell Lou Anne she looks pretty.
05:39 What's that got to do with anything?
05:41 She just needs to hear it from a man.
05:43 Three words. You look pretty. And nothing more.
05:48 So, what you thinking about there, Stu?
05:52 I'm thinking about flipping that steak there.
05:55 All righty.
05:56 No! Flip that other one!
05:58 Don't go away. We'll be right back with more of Mega Steak.
06:03 At Megalo Mark, you're shopping for the rest of your life!
06:10 How you doing out there? I'm Chuck Mangione.
06:13 You know, even celebrities have to hunt for bargains.
06:17 That's why I go to the Megalo Mark, where shopping feels so good.
06:22 This week, 12 five-pound bags of gourmet chocolates for $10.
06:27 That's Buckley's section.
06:31 [Crying]
06:50 Uh, you look pretty?
06:53 I was dumped!
06:56 Three words. Nothing more. You look pretty. Nothing more.
07:01 Why aren't you saying anything?
07:05 Uh, I never liked that Buckley. You should be happy.
07:10 That guy was an annoying, greasy-headed loser.
07:14 I was dumped by a loser?
07:18 [Crying]
07:21 Oh, jeez.
07:23 Luan, sometimes life throws you a curveball.
07:27 Now, there's two ways you can deal with it.
07:30 You can cry, and that's the path you've chosen.
07:34 Or, you can not cry.
07:38 How do you not cry?
07:40 Well, instead of letting it out, try holding it in.
07:46 Every time you have a feeling,
07:48 just stick it into a little pit inside your stomach and never let it out.
07:54 [Crying]
07:56 Are you supposed to have a pain under your rib?
08:00 Yes. That's natural.
08:02 The body doesn't want to swallow its emotions.
08:06 But now you go ahead and put that pain inside your stomach, too.
08:10 I think it's working, Uncle Hank.
08:13 I feel sick, but not sad.
08:17 There you go.
08:18 Look at my friend Bill.
08:20 He went through the worst divorce this county's ever seen,
08:23 but you never see him crying.
08:27 [Crying]
08:35 I'm scared I'll never find another guy.
08:37 Ah, don't worry about that.
08:39 Peggy told me if you dated your old boyfriend for three weeks,
08:43 you'll get a new one in three weeks. Tops.
08:47 Another thing I hate about Buckley,
08:49 he always takes me to All You Can Eat and says I have to sneak off his plate so I just get iced tea.
08:55 And he's too scared of getting caught to share.
08:58 I hate guys like that.
09:01 Why do boys with braces always want to French kiss?
09:05 Uh...
09:08 Pass me some more of that cookie dough.
09:13 Mmm.
09:15 I never knew you could eat it raw.
09:18 It's almost as good as ice cream.
09:20 You know, they make ice cream with cookie dough already, isn't it?
09:23 Damn, sister. Get me my keys.
09:27 [Laughing]
09:31 Luanne, where have you been?
09:33 We were supposed to be crying all night.
09:35 I spent the whole day with Uncle Hank.
09:37 Luanne, why don't you go get the foldout ready?
09:41 Okay. Good night, Uncle Hank and Aunt Peggy.
09:44 Good night, Hank. What did you do?
09:47 I did what you couldn't do.
09:49 Now, I'm not saying you're not good at what you do.
09:52 I'm just saying I'm better.
09:54 I went in there and fixed her like fixing a carburetor.
09:58 And you know what? It was fun.
10:00 Like fixing a carburetor.
10:02 But, Hank, I told you not to meddle.
10:05 This is a natural process and you cannot manipulate--
10:08 You know, you look pretty.
10:10 Really?
10:12 Oh, Hank. Well, that's sweet.
10:15 But I mean it. You have got to stop--
10:17 You look pretty, Peg.
10:19 Oh, thank you.
10:33 You ladies go on ahead. We got to help Bill close his jeans.
10:38 All right. Let's go.
10:40 All right. We have to find a nice boyfriend for Luanne.
10:44 Boy, that seems like a pile of work just to get your den back.
10:48 Well, it's not about my den.
10:50 It's about that poor girl living in my den.
10:53 So, what's your type?
10:57 [Music]
11:00 Uh, never mind about her type. Just find a regular guy.
11:08 It's a scientific fact that women like round, muscular butts.
11:13 I'm going to look for a guy with a round, muscular butt.
11:17 Uh, maybe we should split up.
11:21 Oh, one more thing. Peggy doesn't know about this.
11:25 You want me to tell her?
11:27 No, Bill. Just dance with her. Keep her busy.
11:31 What, me? Dance? I don't know.
11:36 My arms are around a warm-- Okay.
11:40 [Music]
11:51 Uh, hmm. Nah.
11:55 Uh, hmm. Possible.
12:00 Bill, I bought you a beer. Mind if I dance with your wife?
12:04 Take her.
12:06 Sucker.
12:10 Oh, no, man. He ain't going to go out for about a day.
12:13 You go out with Luanne, she's going to go Dutch, man.
12:15 There's no other way.
12:17 Well, you smell nice. Dance with me, sugar?
12:20 Hey, boy, I tell you what, man. It's like dying on CK1, man. It's like catnip.
12:25 Hey, you seem like a regular guy.
12:32 [Music]
12:35 Hmm.
12:37 Hi, what's Hank doing over there?
12:39 Well, I don't see him.
12:41 Bill, why are you spinning me into souvenir gold?
12:45 It's been a while. I can't remember all the steps.
12:48 Well, just do what I say and we'll get along fine.
12:51 On three, brush, right then fan, left then scoop, scrape and scuff.
12:55 Ah.
12:58 What's your name, son?
13:04 Wade, sir.
13:06 That's some buckle you got there.
13:08 Thank you, sir. Means a lot coming from a man like you who I can plainly see knows a thing or two about buckles.
13:14 Well, uh, well, this round's on me.
13:18 Fan, grip on left, catch right.
13:21 Fan, fan, double dog down.
13:23 It's kick, now slap that heel.
13:25 Heel toe, heel toe, heel toe, knee toe, heel.
13:28 Quarterback, huh?
13:30 Varsity.
13:31 Love your mama?
13:32 You know I do.
13:33 She cook with a gas range?
13:35 Propane.
13:37 I don't know if I'm ready, Uncle Hank.
13:41 Here you are. And Wade's a catch and a half.
13:44 He can run the 40 in under five seconds.
13:47 But my heart is telling me that...
13:49 Your heart is telling you?
13:51 Who's the boss, you or your heart?
13:53 You are. Your heart is your employee.
13:56 So get your heart off its butt and back to work.
13:59 You're right, Uncle Hank.
14:01 What am I waiting for?
14:03 Let's go get Wade.
14:09 Bill, you need to have more confidence in yourself.
14:12 If you ask Peggy Hill, you boot scoot with the best of 'em.
14:15 Well, I don't know.
14:17 All right, this next one's gonna be ladies' choice.
14:20 Excuse me, Bill.
14:22 Hey, Peggy, better than aerobics, huh?
14:28 You worked up quite a sweat.
14:30 That's not my sweat.
14:33 [♪♪♪]
14:36 Where's Luanne?
14:42 Luanne's fine. She's gonna get a ride home with a friend.
14:45 Tush, push on three.
14:47 And three.
14:49 Is Luanne gonna marry her new boyfriend?
14:57 Well, you never can tell, but my guess is...
15:01 Yeah.
15:02 Luanne!
15:04 That's Buckley. Those better be for me.
15:07 Nah, they're for me for later.
15:09 Where's Luanne?
15:11 Luanne is out with her new boyfriend.
15:13 She's in love. You blew it, diphead.
15:16 You can't compete with this new guy.
15:18 He's a football player, and football players know how to treat women right.
15:22 Now get off my lawn and don't come back.
15:25 Why'd you send Buckley away?
15:29 Luanne wants him back.
15:31 Not gonna happen. I found her a new guy.
15:34 You broke the rebound rule?
15:36 What has gotten into you, Hank?
15:38 Well, I was kind of hoping she might fall in love with Wade.
15:42 Well, hope in one hand and poo in the other.
15:44 See which one gets full first.
15:46 Mm-mm, you are out of your depth, Hank Hill.
15:49 You've opened a Pandora's box.
15:51 A box that has a sign that reads "For Women Only."
15:55 As long as it took that river to carve the Grand Canyon,
15:59 that is how long women have been learning to subtly manipulate relationships.
16:05 You only think it's easy because we make it look easy.
16:10 Did you really believe you could step in and fix it overnight?
16:15 Could you really be such a fool?
16:18 Woe is you, Hank Hill. Woe is you.
16:21 No, no, no, everything's gonna be fine.
16:25 Wade's a good guy. You don't know. He runs fast.
16:29 It'll be fine.
16:31 What's that?
16:33 See? Everything's fine.
16:37 Good old Wade drove her home.
16:39 Look at that. He's fixed his Dodge up just like Boomhauer's.
16:43 Well, why on earth would anyone do that?
16:46 Boomhauer?
16:49 Good night. Thanks for the lift.
16:52 No!
16:58 Luann, what happened to Wade?
17:11 Why aren't you with Wade? I want Wade.
17:14 As soon as you left, Wade turned into Mr. Grabby Sam.
17:19 I think that you just fixed me up with him so you could get your den back.
17:22 Thank goodness Boomhauer gave me a lift.
17:24 A lift? Is that what they're calling it these days?
17:28 You can't trust this guy. He's a no-good, immoral, skirt-chasing rascal.
17:33 So, at least you like him better than Buckley.
17:36 What are you saying? He's your new boyfriend?
17:39 Hank, so what if he is?
17:41 If he is, he ain't no more.
17:43 Hank!
17:44 You can't tell me what to do. You're not my father.
17:47 Yeah, I guess not. Damn straight I'm not.
17:51 But while you're under my roof, I'm your landlord.
17:54 And as your landlord, I forbid you to date Boomhauer.
17:57 Shut up, Hank.
17:58 I can find another roof. I'll say it Boomhauer's.
18:02 Fine.
18:03 Fine!
18:04 Hey, wait, man. That ain't gonna work out, man.
18:06 These little old gals come around here, they're just flat-headin' old, man.
18:10 Thanks, Boomhauer. Let's go.
18:12 Dang old women from Mars, man, I tell you what.
18:15 Don't go in there, Lou Anne. I'm warnin' ya. You'll be sorry.
18:27 Dammit, this neighborhood is turnin' into Melrose Place.
18:32 [Grunts]
18:34 Hank, it is after midnight. What the heck are you doin'?
18:48 Clearin' some space for my leaf blower.
18:51 Mm-hmm. Now, Hank, this is not about the leaf blower, is it?
18:55 Sure it is.
18:58 [Grunts]
19:00 What are you eating?
19:01 Nothin'.
19:02 You are eating your emotions, aren't you?
19:04 Maybe. Who knows? I don't know. I don't care. Whatever.
19:07 You thought you could fix Lou Anne like a flywheel drive plate.
19:11 But a flywheel drive plate doesn't talk back.
19:14 Flywheel drive plates do not have feelings.
19:17 Flywheel drive plates--
19:18 I took her in, Peg. I put a 20-year roof over her head and a sofa sleeper under the rest of her.
19:24 And this is the thanks I get? Well, no thanks.
19:28 [Gulps]
19:30 Just face it, Hank Hill. The only reason you're this upset is because you care so much about Lou Anne.
19:36 The only thing I care about is gettin' my den back.
19:39 Boy, I've never been in here before.
19:47 Ooh, it sure is bacheloree.
19:50 Can I turn this light on? Oh. Uh, that's real pretty.
19:56 Uh, gosh.
19:58 Oh, you move very fast, Boom Hauer.
20:01 But I'm having all these feelings, and I need just a little time to--
20:06 [Door slams]
20:08 [Sighs]
20:10 Okay, last case of beer. Let's divvy it up.
20:14 Hey, Hank.
20:16 Last case of beer. Let's divvy it up.
20:20 Hey, it don't split up even anymore.
20:24 That one's Boom Hauer's.
20:26 That cradle robber's gettin' none of my beer.
20:29 Boom Hauer didn't do anything. And even if he did, why do you care?
20:33 Lou Anne's not your relation.
20:35 Hell, she's my wife's brother's daughter. You can't get any closer than that.
20:40 Look, let's just split that six-pack up. We can each take two.
20:45 Tell you what, why don't I just take the whole thing?
20:48 Okay, Mom. Let's try a move of my own.
20:52 And split, kick, right, and back. And split, kick, left, and sideways shuffle, go!
21:00 [Grunts]
21:02 Oh, are you okay, Bobby?
21:04 Yeah.
21:05 Well, it was a nice move.
21:08 Yeah.
21:09 Aw, honey.
21:11 It's just not right without Lou Anne.
21:13 Yeah.
21:15 This was a nice idea, pig. Get us out of that house.
21:23 Son, they got eight kinds of ketchup here, and three kinds of catsup.
21:29 I'm gonna have some of that fried chicken, and a fried plate of fried chicken, french fried side, and fried okra.
21:36 Lou Anne! And Boom Hauer, too. Well, isn't this a nice surprise?
21:41 Uh, is that gravy lumpy tonight?
21:45 I am Peggy, Uncle Hank.
21:47 I'll take a bowl of the white gravy and a bowl of brown gravy.
21:52 Hey, Dad, it's Lou Anne, right behind you. Dad, it's Lou Anne. Hey, Dad, can't you hear me? Lou Anne, right behind you.
22:07 Say, Hank, man, I don't know what you're thinking, man, but you all gotta know, man, that ain't no dang old Woody Allen with that little soon-leave, man. This ain't nothing gonna happen.
22:15 Boom Hauer, you're not gonna talk your way out of this one.
22:19 Uncle Hank, I was--
22:21 Don't uncle me anymore, Lou Anne. Just come on by tomorrow and pick your stuff up. I got it all boxed and ready to go.
22:33 Well, you finally got your wish. You are going to get your den back. I hope you're happy.
22:39 Look it, she's crying again. I guess she just got dumped by her new boyfriend, Boom Hauer.
22:49 Boom Hauer didn't dump her, you did.
22:52 What? What was that?
22:53 She said Boom Hauer didn't dump her, you did.
22:57 Pass the ketchup.
23:00 I came for my stuff.
23:02 It's all in there.
23:05 I was moving stuff around, and it seems that the room is a little too small for me.
23:11 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:13 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:15 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:17 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:19 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:21 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:23 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:25 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:27 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:29 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:31 I'm gonna have to move it.
23:33 It seems that the room looks a little better this way.
23:36 The bed is even out.
23:39 Well, I figure there's no sense in packing it up night after night to...
23:44 I love you, Uncle Hank.
23:47 Oh, Lord.
24:01 Is he still looking?
24:03 Yep.
24:07 You know, Hank, maybe it's time to settle this.
24:10 Yeah. I just hate these big emotional scenes.
24:15 Well, let's get it over with.
24:18 Boom Hauer!
24:20 Yep?
24:21 Beer?
24:23 Yep.
24:25 That was beautiful.
24:30 Mm.
24:31 Mm.
24:32 Mm.
24:33 Mm.
24:34 [BIRDS CHIRPING]