Elemental - Chasing Butterflies

Onadore Channel

last year

Transcript

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00:02:32 >> Music of Camille Saint-Saëns, Allegro appassionata,

00:02:36 from his Opus 43, performed by cellist Inizio Inferno,

00:02:41 with musical accompaniment by Sebastian Kuhs.

00:02:45 You're listening to 90.4 WPBU, Brookfield.

00:02:51 My name is Roland Gillette, and this is Breakfast Epiphanies,

00:02:57 sharing with you this morning, the sounds of amore.

00:03:02 Turning now to a piece celebrated for its animated musical imagery,

00:03:08 a romantic favorite, Handel's Andante Allegro, harp concerto in B-flat.

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00:04:43 Look, we, uh, we really appreciate you taking this on such short notice.

00:04:47 Oh, not at all. I'll have Nina sign it.

00:04:51 There we are. Nearly legal.

00:04:54 Just gotta make sure the bride signs on the dotted line.

00:04:56 I'll trust you for that, Father. Oh, and thank you.

00:04:59 Oh, my pleasure.

00:05:01 Nina?

00:05:05 Is everything alright, honey?

00:05:11 Alright. Take your time.

00:05:14 We can't have a wedding without you.

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00:05:30 [KNOCKING]

00:05:33 Hello, Nina!

00:05:34 Hello, Jack.

00:05:40 You know my wife.

00:05:42 Gwen, so nice to see you again.

00:05:44 Likewise. Congratulations to you. Everything looks lovely.

00:05:49 Yes, yes, lovely. String Quartet, your idea.

00:05:52 Yes!

00:05:53 Oddly reminiscent, eh?

00:05:55 Yes, it is, isn't it?

00:05:57 Well, I wanted this party to have a little bit of everything.

00:05:59 Something old, something new.

00:06:01 Something borrowed.

00:06:03 Something blue, of course.

00:06:04 Yes. Well, you can keep it.

00:06:07 I was just about hoping someone would find a use for it.

00:06:10 I should check on the bride.

00:06:12 Dear, of course!

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00:06:45 Give me a quarter.

00:06:46 Here, take two.

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00:06:53 You look pretty hot in that dress.

00:06:55 Why, thank you.

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00:07:34 A little something for Mrs.

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00:07:42 R2D2 with condoms.

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00:08:06 What the hell's that?

00:08:07 Protection. Let's bounce.

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00:08:12 [KNOCKING]

00:08:13 All right, Nina, open up this god damn door.

00:08:17 There's a wedding out there in case you haven't noticed.

00:08:19 Guests, a groom, your father.

00:08:22 We've spent a minor fortune and the priest is all aflutter.

00:08:27 Now, come on!

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00:08:34 Nini?

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00:08:39 Am I going to have to knock down this door?

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00:08:45 All right.

00:08:47 [KNOCKING]

00:08:48 Stand back. I'm coming in.

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00:08:56 [GROANING]

00:08:58 [GROANING]

00:09:01 Holy Jesus, I think I dislocated my shoulder.

00:09:04 [GASPING]

00:09:06 I hope you're happy now.

00:09:08 I'm going to be lurching all afternoon like Peter Lorre.

00:09:12 Will you please open up?

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00:09:29 [DOORBELL RINGING]

00:09:31 [BIRDS CHIRPING]

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00:09:38 Looks like an open bar.

00:09:40 [DOOR SLAMMING]

00:09:42 You may think I'm an old fool, but I still have a trick or two up my...

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00:09:48 Screen?

00:09:50 Shit!

00:09:52 Nina!

00:09:54 Oh, God, God, God, God, please tell me this isn't happening.

00:09:57 Oh, God.

00:09:58 [DOOR SLAMMING]

00:10:00 Yes?

00:10:02 It's Father Ed. Are you ladies about ready in there?

00:10:05 Oh, yes. Yes.

00:10:07 Just checking. Time's a little tight. Could Nina sign this?

00:10:10 [PHONE RINGING]

00:10:13 No problem, Father.

00:10:15 [PHONE RINGING]

00:10:17 Uh, be right down.

00:10:19 Very good.

00:10:20 [PHONE RINGING]

00:10:22 Oh, this is... this is just great.

00:10:25 Oh, everything was so perfect.

00:10:30 The music, the day...

00:10:34 Oh, David.

00:10:36 Everything my wedding wasn't.

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00:10:51 How about we skip the greeting, go right to the ring, and then the vows?

00:10:54 I don't suppose there's anything wrong, do you?

00:10:56 Of course not. Are you all right?

00:10:59 Had another contraction.

00:11:01 Another? David?

00:11:02 Hold on a minute, Charlie. I've got to give the bride away.

00:11:05 Yes, we're not forgetting about you, Jack.

00:11:07 Why don't you just go stand over there and greet Nina when she comes down?

00:11:11 Any minute now.

00:11:13 Now, as soon as he hands her over, why don't you step in, slip the ring on her finger, like this.

00:11:18 Does that work?

00:11:20 Sure.

00:11:21 Good.

00:11:22 Did you give the ring to little Manny?

00:11:24 Yeah.

00:11:25 Okay, good. Now, while the audience is on you saying the ring vows,

00:11:28 maybe we can make another segue right here.

00:11:30 Oh, thank God. Here she comes.

00:11:32 Oh, good. Places!

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00:11:47 Oh, my father's never been around. I'm surprised he didn't recognize his wife.

00:11:50 It's a pitiful fire, dear old Arlec, but you look beautiful.

00:11:57 Oh, I am so proud of you.

00:12:00 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God

00:12:02 to join David and Nina in holy matrimony.

00:12:05 Who offers this woman to be married?

00:12:06 I do.

00:12:07 The ring is the holy symbol of God's covenant.

00:12:10 Do you, David, take this woman to be your wife,

00:12:12 forsaking all others till death do you part?

00:12:14 I...

00:12:16 Do you, David, take this man to be your husband,

00:12:17 forsaking all others till death do you part?

00:12:19 I do.

00:12:20 Okay, ring. Ring.

00:12:21 Oh, God!

00:12:22 Ring.

00:12:24 Where is it?

00:12:25 You don't have the ring?

00:12:26 But the ring is the holy symbol.

00:12:28 You really should have said something.

00:12:29 My butt!

00:12:30 Ah!

00:12:31 Oh!

00:12:32 Oh!

00:12:33 What the hell was that?

00:12:34 Take her hand. Take her hand.

00:12:36 Before God and these witnesses, I now pronounce you man and wife.

00:12:39 You may kiss the bride. Here.

00:12:41 You better get her to a hospital.

00:12:43 What the hell is this?

00:12:45 Just shut up and kiss me. I'll explain later.

00:12:46 What in the name of Jesus Prudence?

00:12:49 Is this some sort of sick prank?

00:12:51 Oh, just be quiet, Jack.

00:12:52 Rita's gone.

00:12:53 What do you mean gone?

00:12:54 What?

00:12:55 You heard me. She's gone.

00:12:56 You want to explain that to all these people?

00:12:57 Well, if you hadn't stolen the ring...

00:12:59 Can you turn that trollop off?

00:13:01 Come on.

00:13:02 Right. Now tell me what's going on here.

00:13:05 She's gone.

00:13:07 What do you mean gone? Where...

00:13:08 I don't know.

00:13:10 But we'll find her.

00:13:12 You mean she left?

00:13:14 Well, not exactly.

00:13:15 Well, what exactly do you mean?

00:13:17 She, um...

00:13:19 stepped out.

00:13:20 What?

00:13:21 Of the window.

00:13:22 Oh.

00:13:23 Okay, but it's fine. Really.

00:13:24 Sure, sure. Everything's in perfect order except no ring, no bride.

00:13:28 I'm Michael D. Barhamney-Huddick. Throw it.

00:13:30 And of course, there's the small matter that I just married my mother-in-law.

00:13:32 Not really.

00:13:33 Oh, no?

00:13:34 Well, then how do you explain this?

00:13:36 Your name is Nina Davis, isn't it?

00:13:39 Yeah, well, that was kind of a funny thing.

00:13:43 Bride-splitting, Nina?

00:13:44 I expect a check for $3,000.

00:13:46 Not to mention a public apology for this, this, this miscarriage of matrimony.

00:13:51 And where did Nina find this, this, this, this swinger?

00:13:54 Wait just a damn minute.

00:13:55 You stay out of this, you transgenerational, thrill-seeking, dirty young man.

00:13:59 Just because your mama got undressed with the door open does not mean that you can laugh at me.

00:14:03 Oh, just let me find her, you fat, dirty-minded, absentee bag of wind.

00:14:10 I'll give you 24 hours, and then I'm calling my lawyer.

00:14:13 Let's go, darling.

00:14:14 Yes.

00:14:16 I signed a license for her, naturally.

00:14:22 Oh, naturally.

00:14:23 What would you have done?

00:14:25 Me? Oh, I don't know. Maybe instead of marrying some poor, insuspecting bastard by proxy, I would have told the truth.

00:14:31 She loves you. We just have to convince her to come back, that's all.

00:14:35 Why did she leave?

00:14:36 Oh, it's the baby. I'm sure of it.

00:14:39 If you'd ever been pregnant, you'd understand. The hormones alone are enough to scramble your brain.

00:14:43 This, this is just a young girl's fear. That's all it is.

00:14:48 All she had to do was say so, and it would have been off. She knows that.

00:14:51 It's not off, I tell you. Now come over here and look at me. Look.

00:14:55 Nina puts on this dress, looks in the mirror, and what do you think she sees?

00:15:01 You. Because technically speaking, she never puts on the dress. You do.

00:15:06 Exactly.

00:15:08 Huh? Sorry. For a second I thought there was logic at work there.

00:15:11 She sees her mother. You know, I hate to say it, but I think she's just afraid of becoming me.

00:15:18 I'm beginning to understand why.

00:15:20 Oh, come on. Put yourself in my place. All those people out there, my blowhard ex-husband, the arrangements, my reputation.

00:15:28 Oh, God, my reputation. Look, she loves you. She's always had performance anxiety.

00:15:35 She'll come back if we don't find her first. I'm sure of it. Believe me.

00:15:38 Believe you? How can I believe you?

00:15:41 Well, then believe in her. You said yourself that she would never leave without saying something.

00:15:46 She's panicked or kidnapped or something.

00:15:50 Kidnapped? You are mentally disordered.

00:15:52 Oh, God, I need a drink. Don't you?

00:15:55 Yeah, what do you have?

00:15:57 Oh, a little bit of everything.

00:15:59 Perfect. Make mine a double.

00:16:01 [music]

00:16:05 Thank God.

00:16:19 So what's a hire like you doing out bumming a ride there, uh?

00:16:23 Um, hamming. Um, it's a long story, really.

00:16:29 My name's Chipper. We can call me Chip. Pretty fat wheels, huh?

00:16:34 Pretty fat.

00:16:35 My pops is Chicago, so I sort of beeliter's cop for the day, if you know what I mean.

00:16:40 I'm just marrying me, checking it. My aunt's talking about it later.

00:16:43 That's cool. Um, so, uh, how long you been driving there, Chipper?

00:16:49 Chip, about ten minutes. This totally rocks. I can't wait to get my license.

00:16:54 I mean, I'm close, but that's all bullshit anyway, right?

00:16:57 Well, I got some learning disability or something. Some shit like that.

00:17:02 Uh-huh.

00:17:03 So, uh...

00:17:04 Where you wanna go?

00:17:06 Uh, well... I don't know yet.

00:17:11 Cool, cool. We'll just carouse.

00:17:14 [sirens]

00:17:17 Hey, hey, hey!

00:17:19 He's walking his dog!

00:17:21 Yeah, well, fuck him. He can walk some other place.

00:17:24 Hey, hey, hey! I'm sorry. I'm just a magnet for shit like this. Do you know how it is?

00:17:29 Yeah, that's the trouble with shit. You never know when it's magnetic.

00:17:32 I'm getting out of here.

00:17:34 No, wait! I was just talking to Matt! I got a part!

00:17:37 You got a part? Yeah, you know.

00:17:40 Yeah, I know.

00:17:41 Look, we could, like, go back to my crib, hang out if you wanted. We got, like, a hot tub and everything.

00:17:47 A hot tub, really?

00:17:49 Yeah, it sucks that my mom's split, but my dad's put together a pretty dope place.

00:17:53 We got, like, big screens and stairs and, like, four or five rooms.

00:17:56 Oh, and I got Nico Ultimate Deathmatch.

00:17:59 We got all kinds of stuff to drink, too. I don't know what you're into.

00:18:03 Scotch? Like, 12-year-old beer? Coolers?

00:18:06 Dad's really into beer right now, so we gotta watch what we take. But, you know, there's any kind you want.

00:18:11 Well, you certainly make it sound appealing, but I gotta get out of town.

00:18:15 I don't suppose you know where the bus station is.

00:18:20 Fucking A!

00:18:22 Well, take it slow and stick to the back streets, okay?

00:18:27 You sure you don't want me to drive?

00:18:33 What, this punk rocky?

00:18:35 Don't worry, baby. It's set to chill.

00:18:38 And what exactly are you set on?

00:18:41 Well, hey, you know.

00:18:42 Yeah, I know. I ought to pop you right in the pimples.

00:18:46 You don't have to get all hostile.

00:18:47 Oh, I don't, huh?

00:18:49 Well, just what did you think we'd do back at your house?

00:18:52 Drink a few coolers? Play a round of Ultimate Deathmatch? And trade some baseball cards?

00:18:56 Now you're fucking with me.

00:18:58 Yeah, well, it's as close as you're gonna get. Let's face it, I am way out of your league here.

00:19:02 Don't underestimate me.

00:19:04 Let's just put it this way. A guy got me into this, but I don't need a guy to get me out.

00:19:10 Let's go.

00:19:11 Bogus. I get you. I'm gonna stop you some smoke. You want anything?

00:19:16 I might need you to buy me.

00:19:20 [music]

00:19:49 [coughing]

00:19:52 Ow! Ow! Sorry.

00:19:54 Oh, I'm bleeding.

00:19:58 [coughing]

00:20:01 Sorry about that.

00:20:04 I better change. We haven't got much time.

00:20:08 We're not going anywhere. I'm gonna try her on her cell.

00:20:11 Don't bother. It's upstairs.

00:20:13 She must have left in a hurry.

00:20:15 You mean she doesn't want to be found.

00:20:17 Now, now, you've got to trust me. I mean, will you?

00:20:20 What's the matter? I'm your wife now, you know. Besides, you're a doctor, aren't you?

00:20:27 I'm a urologist. You got any more surprises?

00:20:30 I don't dare say.

00:20:32 I take it you've read or seen Oedipus Rex?

00:20:37 Yes.

00:20:38 Just checking.

00:20:39 Don't gouge your eyes out just yet. We haven't consummated anything.

00:20:43 Let's not adulterate an already messed up situation.

00:20:47 You have a lot to learn, honey. Drink up. Here's to us, I suppose.

00:20:53 Oh! This could use a little grenadine.

00:20:59 Oh, Jesus. What did you put in this?

00:21:02 A little bit of everything. Just what you asked for.

00:21:05 Gee, Tammy, thanks for the smokes.

00:21:09 Sorry about filling up your legs and everything.

00:21:12 That's okay. It's nice to know I'm such a fly babe, I guess.

00:21:18 Thanks for the ride. I'll see you around.

00:21:22 Yeah, see you, Tammy.

00:21:24 Yo, Danny? What's up?

00:21:33 Dude, listen. You're never gonna believe this shit.

00:21:36 What, a trip?

00:21:37 Hey, yo, listen. I just picked up this serious piece.

00:21:41 You should have seen her.

00:21:43 Nah, you're full of shit.

00:21:45 Seriously, I just rolled down the vent. It wasn't even that many.

00:21:48 What does she look like? She must have been skanked.

00:21:50 No way. She got pirata.

00:21:52 Skanked?

00:21:53 She was not skanked, dickweed.

00:21:55 This bitch was stanked, I suppose.

00:21:57 Yeah, whatever. I didn't notice. She was too busy kissing me and shit.

00:22:00 On the real, it's your mother, maybe.

00:22:02 Heck, me.

00:22:03 Jeez, dude. You are so not cool sometimes.

00:22:06 I'm cooler than skank boy, and the day.

00:22:08 And your skank fantasies.

00:22:10 Come pick me up and we'll cruise.

00:22:12 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Check this out. Here comes another one.

00:22:15 Swear to God.

00:22:17 Tell you what, I'll let you listen in.

00:22:19 Hey.

00:22:21 You're a dope-ass car.

00:22:25 Yeah, girl. You wanna ride?

00:22:27 I don't know. Where are you going?

00:22:31 Wherever.

00:22:32 Any chance I could maybe drive?

00:22:37 Well, I guess so. As long as you're cool.

00:22:41 Don't I look cool?

00:22:42 Come on, move over.

00:22:44 So, uh, what's a breezy like you doing out posting?

00:22:52 Oh, I just saw this G-Ride and I thought, "What the fuck?" Right?

00:22:55 Yeah, what the fuck?

00:22:57 Yeah.

00:22:58 Hey.

00:22:59 Hey.

00:23:00 Is this, uh, is this your Corvette?

00:23:04 Yeah. You wanna ride?

00:23:06 Yeah, girl.

00:23:07 Climb in. We're gonna party.

00:23:09 Whoa, dude. Um, I don't know about this.

00:23:12 You don't know about what?

00:23:13 Shit! That's a 9mm!

00:23:15 Only girls gotta accessorize.

00:23:17 Now why don't you get the fuck out?

00:23:19 This stuff is easy. My dad's gonna kill me.

00:23:24 Yeah, you're lucky she didn't cap your ass.

00:23:26 Hey!

00:23:29 Hi.

00:23:31 Holy shit.

00:23:32 Poor kid.

00:23:34 Yeah, I kinda felt sorry for him.

00:23:37 I don't think I even see it yet.

00:23:39 It was sexy, though.

00:23:40 Yeah?

00:23:41 Very Linda Hamilton.

00:23:42 Who's that?

00:23:43 I don't know.

00:23:44 I don't know.

00:23:45 What's that?

00:23:46 What's that?

00:23:47 It's from my scrapbook I got at the car park.

00:23:50 Scrapbook?

00:23:51 I mean, the honeymoon.

00:23:52 And you're filming me driving the Corvette.

00:23:54 Alright. Show me your tits.

00:23:56 Anderthal's take it.

00:23:58 What do you mean? Like every five minutes?

00:24:01 What?

00:24:02 I don't know.

00:24:03 Sexiest carjacker I ever saw.

00:24:07 I'll show you a carjacker.

00:24:09 Find another car wash?

00:24:12 You want me to pull over?

00:24:16 Over there, yeah.

00:24:17 Passengers, Olington Railways reminds you that for your own safety,

00:24:23 do not accept baggage from persons that are not known to you.

00:24:26 Please keep track of your bags at all times.

00:24:28 I'd like a ticket to Toronto, please.

00:24:30 How many of those brain benders did you drink?

00:24:36 I can't believe I even agreed to this.

00:24:38 I should be home getting sloppy all by myself.

00:24:40 You did it because you know Nina and you know I'm right.

00:24:43 Now, why don't you call the police and report her missing?

00:24:46 Tell them what?

00:24:47 That I'm looking for my daughter-in-law so I can marry her?

00:24:49 They'll think I'm Woody Allen.

00:24:51 Well, it worked for him, I guess.

00:24:53 Both out of our minds.

00:24:58 Besides, she's only been missing for two hours.

00:25:01 Cops are going to tell me she's probably in a bar somewhere tying up.

00:25:04 Maybe they're right.

00:25:06 Well, all right. What bars does she like?

00:25:08 Well, let's see. There's Nerve Endings, Chico's, Day Care Center.

00:25:13 That's the name of a bar?

00:25:15 Yeah, it's kind of Fisher-Price.

00:25:17 They have toys, they serve drinks in sippy cups, that sort of thing.

00:25:20 Oh, and the waiter escorts you to the bathroom.

00:25:22 He gives you a lifesaver when you come out.

00:25:24 That's sick. Who'd want to relive that?

00:25:26 Well, and the ball pit's a very big hit.

00:25:29 Well, all right. Where is it?

00:25:31 Over near the bus station. I've got the number in here.

00:25:35 Stop, bitch!

00:25:37 (screams)

00:25:39 Oh! Is he hurt?

00:25:47 I'm not sure.

00:25:49 What, you're a doctor?

00:25:51 What do you want me to do, check his prostate? Give me a second.

00:25:53 Oh.

00:25:55 He probably fainted.

00:25:57 That was a close one, kid. You're all right.

00:25:59 I'm Dr. Shears.

00:26:01 Oh, man.

00:26:03 Just stay down. Take your time.

00:26:05 Look, man, this hood is hot as hell.

00:26:07 Can I just sit up?

00:26:09 Sure.

00:26:11 Now, what were you doing running out in front of a speed...

00:26:16 walking out in front of a car?

00:26:18 I was trying to stop that bitch for help.

00:26:20 And who taught you how to drive, lady?

00:26:22 And who taught you how to stop cars, young man?

00:26:24 Easy, both of you. He may be in mild shock.

00:26:26 You thirsty, kid?

00:26:28 I could use a beer, that's for sure.

00:26:30 Some brown-haired bitch or some Armageddon-looking dude

00:26:33 took my dad's bedclothes.

00:26:35 Took it? How?

00:26:37 Like carjacking. Jumped in and took off.

00:26:39 Oh, you poor kid. Well, what did they look like?

00:26:41 I don't know.

00:26:43 The chick. The chick was hot. You know.

00:26:46 Great. Get the police artist.

00:26:48 Well, he's rattled. Who wouldn't be?

00:26:50 Now, come on. Can you remember anything else about them?

00:26:52 Like I said, they were hot.

00:26:54 Anything else about them?

00:26:56 Like I said, she had brown hair and a tattoo on her shoulder.

00:26:59 A butterfly, I think it was.

00:27:01 A butterfly? That's odd.

00:27:03 Yes. Who was she with again, kid?

00:27:05 Some dude that came out of nowhere.

00:27:07 Nina?

00:27:09 No, couldn't be.

00:27:11 Well, what are the odds?

00:27:13 Come on. Stealing a car?

00:27:15 Maybe she's in some kind of trouble.

00:27:17 Where did this happen, kid?

00:27:19 The bus station. They blew up. She got mental.

00:27:21 We're checking this out.

00:27:23 Hurry, and bring him along. He can recognize the car.

00:27:26 This is nuts.

00:27:28 All right. Come on.

00:27:30 Whoa. Are we going to catch these freaks?

00:27:32 Presumably.

00:27:34 Fucking A.

00:27:36 Where are they?

00:27:38 Probably taking pictures.

00:27:40 Well, at least we'll have another drink.

00:27:43 88.

00:27:48 Let's keep the change.

00:27:50 Thank you.

00:27:52 What can I get you?

00:27:54 Yes, could I get a regular coffee, please?

00:27:56 Regular cream and sugar.

00:27:58 That's correct. Two sugars, please.

00:28:00 I'm sorry. This is weird, but your voice, it sounds almost as if you're saying a...

00:28:04 Oh, yeah. I forgot I did that.

00:28:07 You don't know how tiring it gets hearing yourself sometimes.

00:28:10 Does that mean you get to ride to the freight?

00:28:13 Gee, I don't know. I didn't think of that.

00:28:16 Sir.

00:28:18 Oh.

00:28:20 88.

00:28:22 Well, I hope that's a tip, because it's 88 cents.

00:28:30 Yeah, well, that's all I have. Can't you break it?

00:28:33 Yeah. I got it right here in my apron.

00:28:36 What do you think? Try the bus station window.

00:28:39 Ought to be closing any second now.

00:28:46 None except for that.

00:28:48 None except for that.

00:28:50 And persons that are not in the room.

00:28:52 And please keep track of your bags at all times.

00:28:54 Oh, wait, wait. I need change.

00:28:56 And thank you for traveling with Fullington's Railroad.

00:28:59 Here he comes.

00:29:04 Look, they're closed, so...

00:29:07 Oh, gosh. That's too bad.

00:29:10 So, what are we going to do here, I see?

00:29:14 A hundred twelve coffees?

00:29:17 A hundred?

00:29:19 Did you calculate that in your head?

00:29:21 That's amazing.

00:29:23 Look, all I wanted was one...

00:29:25 It's okay. I'll take care of it.

00:29:27 Oh, would you?

00:29:29 Sure. Mr. Trailways is on me.

00:29:31 That'd be awfully nice. Thank you.

00:29:33 I don't know why I didn't think of this.

00:29:35 Oh, don't mention it.

00:29:37 Might reverse my karma a little bit.

00:29:39 Believe me, I've got a lot to make up for.

00:29:42 Oh?

00:29:44 Yes. It's a long story, really.

00:29:47 So, uh, are you going to Toronto?

00:29:51 Who wants to know?

00:29:53 I'm Roland Gillette.

00:29:56 Perhaps you've heard of me?

00:29:58 Jeez, I knew it. Of course.

00:30:00 That voice. God.

00:30:02 I was just listening to you this morning.

00:30:04 Oh.

00:30:06 In fact, aren't you still on the air right now?

00:30:09 Or is that all taped or something?

00:30:11 Yes. Actually, I don't know quite how to put this,

00:30:15 but can I confide in you?

00:30:19 I've escaped.

00:30:22 You've what?

00:30:24 I put on George Friedrich Handel and, uh, I walked out.

00:30:28 I know it sounds completely ridiculous.

00:30:31 Oh, it makes perfect sense.

00:30:33 It does?

00:30:35 Yeah, you have no idea.

00:30:37 Of course, I had to climb off a house and rip off a horny 15-year-old, but...

00:30:40 I don't think I quite follow you.

00:30:42 Well, I might as well tell you.

00:30:46 I walked out at my wedding an hour and a half ago.

00:30:50 Left a little more than dead air, if you know what I mean.

00:30:53 I can imagine.

00:30:55 So, uh, what's your plan now?

00:30:58 Plan?

00:31:00 Who said anything about a plan?

00:31:02 This is, uh, this is... well, I don't know what this is.

00:31:06 Just don't say "breakfast epiphany," whatever you say.

00:31:08 That's a pretty lame pun, isn't it?

00:31:10 It's the cross I've had to bear.

00:31:13 Seems like a pretty cushy gig to me.

00:31:15 Yeah, you'd think being the town boar would be more interesting, but...

00:31:19 you've no idea.

00:31:21 Hmm. Well, this is no epiphany.

00:31:24 I think it's more like a quandary.

00:31:27 This is the first boarding call for Blington Railways, route 531 to

00:31:30 Buckingham, Toronto, Ontario.

00:31:32 Limited to global stops, no boarding in the UK.

00:31:34 Well, that's us.

00:31:36 Oh, so you are going to Toronto.

00:31:38 Maybe. I haven't decided how far I'm going.

00:31:42 Honey, did you know that corn was a hairy vegetable?

00:31:47 I did not realize that.

00:31:49 Baby, how far are we from Canada?

00:31:52 Six or seven hours, probably.

00:31:54 You know, we're definitely going to need more gas.

00:31:56 Maybe we should, uh, find a motel?

00:32:00 You're trying to keep it soft with him. You're just scaring me.

00:32:03 It's the ribs, ain't it? I knew I should have got the others.

00:32:06 I'd have taken the other part of my skeleton.

00:32:08 If I'd known he was going to bust out Horny and Roman Leeds,

00:32:10 I maybe would have brought a friend.

00:32:12 Look, I'm sorry.

00:32:14 I'm not a can of paint, alright?

00:32:16 Well, look, next time I'll rob the store.

00:32:18 It'll give me something more to focus on.

00:32:20 What are you talking about? I didn't rob the store.

00:32:22 You robbed the Kwik-E-Mart.

00:32:24 No, I did not pay for everything regular.

00:32:26 You mean we carjacked a Corvette for no reason?

00:32:28 It's a classic, and we had to ditch the other car anyway.

00:32:30 Yeah, but we could have stole it proper.

00:32:32 Jesus, Nikki, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

00:32:35 I'll get ten years for this.

00:32:37 I was trying to do things, you know, different.

00:32:39 Different how? Baby, you were in two years,

00:32:41 and you busted out again, so you steal a car, you carjack it.

00:32:43 What difference does it make now?

00:32:45 It all adds up!

00:32:47 I thought we were going to have a baby.

00:32:59 We are.

00:33:01 Eventually.

00:33:03 That's exactly what I'm talking about.

00:33:06 What kind of father carjacks a car?

00:33:08 What kind of steals do you do?

00:33:10 Well, I don't know.

00:33:12 You all rocked it.

00:33:14 How much money we got?

00:33:16 About fifty.

00:33:18 Fifty?

00:33:20 Bucks? That's it?

00:33:22 Look, there was some stuff that I had to get,

00:33:24 and it's worth more up there anyway.

00:33:26 Like how much more?

00:33:28 I don't know.

00:33:30 Oh, that's just great.

00:33:32 You're just the one eating misery meat

00:33:34 with a bunch of rump rangers every flippin' day

00:33:36 who do not work!

00:33:38 Come on! That one's just counting!

00:33:40 Most of those guys are out of there

00:33:42 before they start thinking ass backwards.

00:33:44 Yeah, well, you wouldn't know.

00:33:46 Look, I was worried, all right?

00:33:49 I felt maybe...

00:33:51 What?

00:33:56 I felt maybe you could find someone else.

00:34:01 Hey.

00:34:02 Hey.

00:34:08 You tenfold.

00:34:11 I love you.

00:34:17 Listen, I don't care about any of that other stuff

00:34:20 as long as we can be together, all right?

00:34:22 So we'll just have to find the money some other way.

00:34:25 That's all.

00:34:27 You mean we'll have to steal it.

00:34:30 That's the only thing we're any good at.

00:34:32 You're so cute when you get like that.

00:34:36 I'm like Linda What's-Her-Face.

00:34:38 Yeah, all worked up.

00:34:40 Hey, look.

00:34:43 What do you say we find a motel?

00:34:46 Steal a car from an overnighter.

00:34:48 We'll be across the border by the time they wake up.

00:34:51 A motel, huh?

00:34:53 Now let me get a drink first.

00:34:57 (crickets chirping)

00:34:59 We're never going to find them this way.

00:35:04 I hope you got Gats.

00:35:06 Gats?

00:35:08 Yeah, this chick had a 9mm.

00:35:10 Nina, you must be mistaken.

00:35:12 No, man, I know my 9 when I see one.

00:35:14 From the movies.

00:35:16 A barrel like this.

00:35:18 That's it.

00:35:20 Who are you calling?

00:35:22 The police.

00:35:24 No!

00:35:26 You're not a hassle.

00:35:27 Oh, well, I'm sure if we just politely ask for the car back,

00:35:30 they'll hand it over and hopefully not cut off our ears.

00:35:32 You are mental.

00:35:34 And what if there's gunplay with the police? Nina could get hurt.

00:35:36 There's not going to be any gunplay because it's not Nina.

00:35:39 We don't know who they are or where they're going.

00:35:42 Whoa, yes we do.

00:35:44 I almost forgot. Give me your phone.

00:35:46 Keep your hands off me.

00:35:48 Nah, man, listen.

00:35:50 I left my phone on in the car so my friend Danny can listen in.

00:35:52 He's probably been traveling this whole time. Give me.

00:35:55 I'm not pulling over.

00:35:56 I'm not paying any charges related to this fiasco.

00:35:59 Dude, what plane are you on?

00:36:02 Let's just say, for argument's sake, that it is Nina.

00:36:10 Who's this guy she's with? This carjacker?

00:36:13 What are you getting at?

00:36:15 He's probably got a rap sheet longer than a small intestine.

00:36:17 Where'd she meet him?

00:36:19 Maybe it was the ball pit.

00:36:21 Very funny.

00:36:24 I'm going to call his house.

00:36:25 Because he'll screw up the call waiting and lose my phone.

00:36:28 I guess I could call his house.

00:36:30 But his mom's an Uber bitch.

00:36:32 Well, fucking A.

00:36:34 I think you used that wrong.

00:36:36 What?

00:36:38 The expression. You know, I think you used it wrong.

00:36:40 That's an expression, is it?

00:36:42 You realize it's the only adjective P. Zitti here knows.

00:36:45 Apparently, fuck has more meanings than aloha.

00:36:48 Well, they both mean hello and goodbye if you think about it.

00:36:52 I'm going to try not to.

00:36:53 Hello? Mrs. Barman? Is Danny there?

00:36:56 Yeah, it's Chippa.

00:36:58 Danny!

00:37:00 What are you doing up there?

00:37:02 Nothing.

00:37:04 Chippa's on the phone.

00:37:06 Oh, he is? Okay. Hold on.

00:37:08 Dude, what happened?

00:37:18 I was carjacked. You heard it?

00:37:21 I was hurt some more, too.

00:37:22 Right after that, they pulled over and they started shagging.

00:37:25 It was like porno. It was like, "Oh!"

00:37:27 Took forever.

00:37:29 No way!

00:37:31 Yes way. It was funnier than hell.

00:37:33 The dude, he's just out of prison or something, so he wants it constant.

00:37:36 But the chick's being a real bitch about it, if you ask me.

00:37:39 Anyways, I can't talk long. What do you want me to do?

00:37:41 Just keep listening until you tell me where they're going.

00:37:44 And don't take any incoming calls.

00:37:46 I need that car back, no cost, or I'm toast.

00:37:50 I already know they're heading to Canada, though.

00:37:51 Except they're out of gas and the chick's spending most of their money.

00:37:54 So they're probably going to have to stop someplace and go medieval on some people.

00:37:57 Cool. You know what highway?

00:37:59 The dude said something about stopping in Bethany.

00:38:01 That's awesome.

00:38:03 If anything changes, call me back at...

00:38:05 571-2228.

00:38:07 571-2228.

00:38:09 Got it?

00:38:11 Okay, later.

00:38:13 Awesome. We're on their ass!

00:38:15 Awesome.

00:38:18 ♪ Big condition complex, big condition complex ♪

00:38:21 You know, this isn't at all what I pictured.

00:38:25 I figured there'd be, like, college students and white supremacists and...

00:38:30 people muttering to themselves.

00:38:32 I think a bingo game might break out at any second.

00:38:35 So you've never been on a bus before?

00:38:38 No. You?

00:38:40 Oh, yeah. Many times.

00:38:43 Really? Are you a crudité guy like yourself?

00:38:47 What's that supposed to mean?

00:38:48 I don't know. I just figured you must hang out with society types.

00:38:51 Oh, yeah. The crudité types. I think you got that wrong.

00:38:54 Whatever. It's just the first thing I thought of, okay?

00:38:57 I'm just a disc jockey.

00:38:59 A crudité disc jockey, but just a disc jockey nevertheless.

00:39:03 You carry a lot of money for a run-of-the-mill disc jockey.

00:39:07 Money is just necessary under the circumstances.

00:39:14 Which are?

00:39:17 Lucky, aren't you?

00:39:19 Whatever that means.

00:39:22 I've had some marriage problems.

00:39:28 Probably not what you want to hear right now, right?

00:39:33 Oh, hey. It's not like you're chasing me around the bus.

00:39:36 I don't think that's possible.

00:39:38 So, you're leaving. Why the bus trip? Why not just deal?

00:39:44 I could ask you the same question.

00:39:47 Plucky, are you?

00:39:50 Well, I knew there wouldn't be a passenger list.

00:39:55 Hey, you?

00:39:58 Exactly.

00:40:00 You mean...

00:40:02 Cell phone?

00:40:06 That's just breaking.

00:40:10 They'll never find us.

00:40:12 Wow.

00:40:14 Where are we stopping?

00:40:15 I'm sorry, folks, but we seem to have lost power.

00:40:25 For your own safety, I'm going to have to ask that you remain seated

00:40:28 while I go outside and look under the carriage.

00:40:30 I apologize for the inconvenience.

00:40:33 Look at what we got here.

00:40:43 It's a bus.

00:40:44 So? I mean, it looks like they got some trouble.

00:40:47 More than they know. Come on.

00:40:49 What?

00:40:51 Stagecoach robbery.

00:40:54 Hey, uh...

00:41:09 You having some trouble there, buddy?

00:41:12 Oh, yeah. Looks like we're losing oil.

00:41:14 Pressure's down to nothing. Lost power.

00:41:16 That's the passengers.

00:41:18 Yeah, a few folks heading up to the falls.

00:41:20 Want me to call someone for you?

00:41:23 No, I can call in. I just thought I'd check it out first.

00:41:26 Are you letting everybody off?

00:41:28 Yeah, pretty quickly. I gotta light some flares first.

00:41:31 I'll go tell them for you.

00:41:33 That's my job, mister.

00:41:41 Ladies and gentlemen,

00:41:42 the driver has asked me to announce

00:41:44 that you will all be getting off the bus

00:41:46 to stretch your legs in a moment.

00:41:49 He would like to ask that you proceed off the bus

00:41:52 in an orderly fashion

00:41:54 and onto the shoulder of the road

00:41:56 one row at a time, beginning with the front row.

00:42:00 Couldn't he do it himself, young man?

00:42:04 Well, if you will direct your attention to the roadside,

00:42:07 you will notice that...

00:42:10 Oh my God!

00:42:11 Mr. Kahn has encountered a small road hazard.

00:42:14 It would be a shame to have to shoot him!

00:42:18 And now,

00:42:20 ladies and gentlemen,

00:42:22 for your own comfort and safety,

00:42:25 I will have to ask that you leave behind

00:42:27 all money, jewelry, cell phones,

00:42:31 and all other valuables on your seat as you debuss.

00:42:35 On behalf of the captain and crew,

00:42:39 I ask that you make yourself a safe and pleasant stay

00:42:41 on the side of the road

00:42:43 or wherever your final destination may be.

00:42:45 Now give me all your shit!

00:42:47 Give it over!

00:42:49 What have you got? Thank you! That'll do nicely.

00:42:51 Thank you!

00:42:53 Can you believe this?

00:42:55 I guess you're never safe.

00:42:57 True.

00:42:59 Is that all your cash?

00:43:01 No. It's all under the bus.

00:43:04 What? But you should never put it there.

00:43:08 What? Where's yours?

00:43:10 Well, if you ever need $100, who'd ask?

00:43:14 What have we here?

00:43:16 Well, I'll take this,

00:43:18 and this should come in handy as well.

00:43:21 And you two lovebirds,

00:43:23 just stay right there.

00:43:26 Don't move a muscle!

00:43:29 Stay right there.

00:43:31 Oh! Lookie here!

00:43:33 Look what I found!

00:43:35 It's another wallet!

00:43:37 Nobody moves!

00:43:39 Nobody gets hurt!

00:43:41 Nice and easy!

00:43:43 Keep your hands where I can see 'em!

00:43:45 All right!

00:43:47 What do you think of this one?

00:43:52 It's nice.

00:43:54 I'll bet it's an antique.

00:43:56 Probably.

00:43:58 Hmm.

00:44:01 Hey, take my picture.

00:44:03 Brother, again?

00:44:05 Sure.

00:44:07 There.

00:44:10 Thanks.

00:44:12 I think it makes me look...

00:44:14 I don't know...class.

00:44:16 You always got class, baby.

00:44:19 Now how about you?

00:44:21 Me? I got no class.

00:44:24 I know you lug nuts.

00:44:26 I mean, let's see what you look like with a ring on.

00:44:28 Right, but let's hurry it up.

00:44:30 I want to dump this car over at the diner.

00:44:32 Isn't that conspicuous?

00:44:34 You think I should just park the car out in the open like that?

00:44:37 Well, park it in the back.

00:44:39 Go in and have dinner.

00:44:41 Nobody will think nothing.

00:44:43 Here.

00:44:46 This one's you.

00:44:48 Strong and simple.

00:44:51 Now you're mine.

00:44:54 I'll be a warning to all the others.

00:44:58 Okay, look, we'll get to that.

00:45:01 Now give me your wallet.

00:45:03 [music]

00:45:31 Getting in some practice.

00:45:32 Boys?

00:45:37 Come down.

00:45:39 You need a room?

00:45:41 Yeah, two.

00:45:43 Two rooms?

00:45:45 Two people.

00:45:47 Do you have a queen size?

00:45:50 Nope, just a full size.

00:45:54 Might have to get...

00:45:56 Who's this?

00:45:59 You traveling with the missus, are you?

00:46:02 Yeah, that's right.

00:46:05 So you're...

00:46:07 What?

00:46:10 She's in the car there, is she?

00:46:13 Mm-hmm.

00:46:15 Well, you see, I only asked because as you can probably see,

00:46:19 I'm a man of faith and this here is a Christian establishment.

00:46:23 It says so right on the sign here.

00:46:28 I get all types in here.

00:46:30 Transients,

00:46:32 truckers, what have you, you know.

00:46:34 And a lot of these people, well,

00:46:37 they don't respect the values of marriage.

00:46:41 Or they're folks engaged in adulterous shenanigans or

00:46:46 homosexual parties and whatnot.

00:46:50 Boys, be good.

00:46:55 Dang dogs, always barking.

00:46:58 I reckon they miss their mama.

00:47:01 Anyway, it's my place and it's my right to refuse any parties

00:47:06 who may be engaged in unlawful activities as is detailed in our state constitution.

00:47:11 It also gives me a chance to witness a bit

00:47:15 my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

00:47:18 Now, you look like you might have come from the tough side of town.

00:47:23 Yeah, I did.

00:47:25 Amen to that.

00:47:27 I thought so.

00:47:29 No disrespect intended, but when I see a nice car like that,

00:47:34 I reckon a fella would do all right with the ladies.

00:47:39 That's it.

00:47:41 Well, it is a Corvette.

00:47:44 Well, I'm just making sure that you really got the missus out there, that's all.

00:47:52 Oh, I can go get her.

00:47:54 I need to get my plate number anyway. I always forget it.

00:47:57 Glory be to God. I appreciate it. I'll just run that through for you, Mr. Gillette.

00:48:02 Get out. This kook wants to look you over.

00:48:14 What does he want?

00:48:16 It's okay. Just leave the ring on.

00:48:20 Thanks for volunteering me for the three-mile hike.

00:48:24 I didn't volunteer you. I volunteered myself.

00:48:27 You could have stayed behind and sat on your bag of money.

00:48:30 I'd miss the delightful company. I wouldn't dream of it.

00:48:33 I guess this all seems very funny to you.

00:48:36 I'm in a serious jam now.

00:48:38 I realize that.

00:48:40 I'd like to help.

00:48:42 Well, it's very sweet, Roly, but let's face it.

00:48:45 You owe me exactly 88 cents. I'm not your responsibility.

00:48:48 I know that, but I like you.

00:48:51 Yeah, well, coming from a guy that can mean about 88 different things.

00:48:55 Let me guess. You want to get to know me better.

00:48:57 Oh, come on. I'm twice your age.

00:49:00 Yeah, and you just left your wife.

00:49:03 She left me.

00:49:06 She...

00:49:09 Oh, I didn't know. I thought you said...

00:49:12 It's all right. It's a lousy double standard we've got, isn't it?

00:49:16 You want to talk about it?

00:49:19 No.

00:49:21 Oh, was it another guy?

00:49:24 Sorry.

00:49:27 She had an affair. I know that much.

00:49:30 I guess she still is.

00:49:33 She... 20-plus years of marriage.

00:49:36 3,026 orgasms, by my estimation.

00:49:39 All for a roll in the hay with Barry from Kiss '99.

00:49:42 No kidding.

00:49:45 She's probably squealing to Steely Dan even as we speak.

00:49:48 Not an appealing image.

00:49:51 You can say that again.

00:49:54 That's why I have this bag of money, as you put it.

00:49:57 I don't want them to get it.

00:50:00 Isn't that illegal?

00:50:02 Sure, but I don't plan on remaining in the United States,

00:50:05 and I wish them luck trying to get it back.

00:50:08 Wow. Well, at least that's a little fair.

00:50:11 I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get it back.

00:50:15 As for me, I left behind a perfectly good man, too.

00:50:18 Just ran.

00:50:21 It was completely unfair to him.

00:50:24 He doesn't know why I ran, of course.

00:50:27 Which is?

00:50:29 Well, um, I was pregnant.

00:50:32 I mean, not anymore.

00:50:35 Oh, I see.

00:50:37 It complicated everything.

00:50:40 I just wasn't sure, and my mom, well, she...

00:50:44 (phone rings)

00:50:47 See this?

00:50:49 David's wedding band. I'm still carrying it.

00:50:52 Are you kidding me? Those busjackers could have...

00:50:55 Those two? Come on. They didn't get yours, did they?

00:50:58 (laughs)

00:51:00 They seemed a little inexperienced to me.

00:51:03 They were cute, though, in a kind of end-of-civilization sort of way.

00:51:07 Oh, I almost forgot.

00:51:10 My engagement ring.

00:51:13 There. What do you think?

00:51:16 I think you're having second thoughts.

00:51:19 Yeah, I think you are, too.

00:51:22 Listen, last time I made love to a woman other than my wife

00:51:26 was during the sexual revolution.

00:51:29 My side lost, in case he didn't hear.

00:51:32 I think you're a bit out of my league.

00:51:35 3,026 orgasms?

00:51:38 Don't underestimate yourself.

00:51:41 And that voice is pretty sexy, too, you know?

00:51:44 Ah. It's a curse to have this voice.

00:51:47 You have no idea.

00:51:49 People always asking you to emcee their oozma jaws

00:51:52 because they think you have some cachet.

00:51:55 I don't have any cachet. I'm not even crudité.

00:51:59 Somewhere along the way,

00:52:03 I completely lost track of who I am.

00:52:06 At least you've got a little class.

00:52:10 Look at me. Who the hell am I?

00:52:13 I don't know.

00:52:15 Wandering around East Jesus without a clue in the world.

00:52:19 Maybe you should check in with your friend.

00:52:24 Yes, let's not lose sight of our destiny,

00:52:27 intercepting these homicidal lovebirds.

00:52:29 Don't be such a pussy.

00:52:31 Yeah. We're not going to have any trouble.

00:52:34 We're going to surprise them.

00:52:36 The two of you will occupy the guy

00:52:38 while I take care of my daughter.

00:52:40 Yep. Charles Manson is ours.

00:52:41 No way, dude. I'm out of here as soon as I get back to Montfait.

00:52:45 That other shit is your deal.

00:52:47 I want no part of that bitch.

00:52:49 Hey, watch your language when it concerns my daughter, young man.

00:52:53 No, Mrs. D. He's right. Let him go.

00:52:55 Why should he want to help us?

00:52:57 He's only here for the car, after all.

00:52:59 You know how car thieves work.

00:53:01 They'll probably leave it out in plain view

00:53:03 where anyone can spot it.

00:53:05 And of course, Chipper Boy here has an extra set of keys.

00:53:09 What do you think of that?

00:53:10 Fucking A!

00:53:12 You are warped, mister. Seriously.

00:53:15 It's ringing.

00:53:17 I'm telling you. His mom is like a...

00:53:20 Oh! Hello, Mrs. Bartman.

00:53:23 How are you?

00:53:25 This is...

00:53:27 Bitch. She went to go get him.

00:53:30 What?

00:53:32 You tell me. What's going on?

00:53:34 Chipper, it's like dinner time around here.

00:53:38 You're supposed to be tracking, you know?

00:53:39 Hey, he's up. I don't know where they went.

00:53:41 It was like a bus or something,

00:53:43 so they got out to rail on some fuckers.

00:53:45 Anyway, like I said, Chip, it's dinner time.

00:53:47 Well, eat, dickweed. Eat like the wind.

00:53:49 And call me back.

00:53:51 Great. I got a dick.

00:54:07 You guys looking for a room?

00:54:08 Yes. And a telephone, if you have one.

00:54:11 See, we're with a bus.

00:54:13 I mean, we were on a bus, and it broke down about three miles back.

00:54:16 Funny. You'd think they would have called ahead.

00:54:19 Yes. Well, that's the odd part.

00:54:21 You see, a couple of gun people happened along,

00:54:25 and, well, we all got robbed.

00:54:27 They took our cell phones.

00:54:29 For heaven's sakes. Anybody hurt?

00:54:31 No, thank God.

00:54:33 There are several senior citizens back up the road.

00:54:36 They volunteered to walk ahead.

00:54:37 I see.

00:54:39 Boys, quiet.

00:54:41 Oh, now they got Simon started.

00:54:45 He's always howling about something.

00:54:48 Misses his mama.

00:54:51 You know, with a voice like that, you ought to be in radio.

00:54:55 I don't guess you are, are you?

00:54:57 No, I don't.

00:54:59 You know me? I got a face for radio.

00:55:01 That's what I always say.

00:55:04 Oh, now wait a minute. We have a bit of a problem here.

00:55:07 I only got one room.

00:55:09 Oh, well, we can be together.

00:55:11 Uh-huh.

00:55:13 Well, you folks related in some way?

00:55:16 Because I can see you're a married man.

00:55:18 Well, yes, I am.

00:55:20 But you see, the circumstances are a little unique.

00:55:22 Are they now?

00:55:24 Yeah, well, so is the grace of the Lord, mister.

00:55:26 And as you probably saw by the sign over there, we--

00:55:28 Well, come on, honey. Tell him.

00:55:30 Tell him what?

00:55:33 You know.

00:55:34 I'm still spinning about it. How can I tell him?

00:55:38 We eloped. You see?

00:55:40 I know how it looks, what with our age difference and all,

00:55:42 but, well, it just sort of happened, you know?

00:55:44 Didn't it, dear?

00:55:46 Yes. Quite suddenly.

00:55:48 Now we're kind of on our honeymoon, such as it is.

00:55:51 Off to a rocky start, I'm afraid.

00:55:54 Well, God bless you all, and congratulations.

00:55:57 I know the Lord works in mysterious ways,

00:56:01 but I reckon it was just meant to be. That's all.

00:56:04 You ought to have gotten married in a church, though.

00:56:07 Makes you feel...

00:56:09 I don't know.

00:56:12 Full of spirit.

00:56:14 Yes, well, don't we seem full of spirits to you?

00:56:17 I guess you do at that.

00:56:19 We have a no drinking policy as a rule,

00:56:30 but maybe some champagne in moderation

00:56:33 might be all right under the circumstances.

00:56:36 Calm your nerves a little.

00:56:38 I like a happy ending.

00:56:43 Ahem. Thanks.

00:56:47 You know, young lady,

00:56:52 you remind me an awful lot of my lovely wife, Nell.

00:56:57 We had ten beautiful years together before the Lord took her away.

00:57:00 Oh, I'm so sorry.

00:57:03 How long ago did she pass on?

00:57:06 Oh, she didn't die.

00:57:08 She ran off with a trucker to Ontario.

00:57:11 Oh.

00:57:14 It's all right. Got much to be thankful for.

00:57:17 Sorry I didn't read you.

00:57:19 You just never know.

00:57:21 You could be somebody else's wife running off, for all I know.

00:57:25 Ah. Not much to fill out, I'm afraid.

00:57:28 We haven't settled on a place yet,

00:57:30 and as you can see, we have no car.

00:57:32 Don't forget about the people on the bus.

00:57:36 Right. You know, I got all caught up in your love story there.

00:57:40 I'll phone the sheriff directly, Mr...

00:57:42 Gillette.

00:57:45 Yes, I got caught up as well.

00:57:47 Say, do you mind if I...

00:57:49 Would you mind if I paid you in cash?

00:57:54 Yes. As I said, there was a robbery.

00:57:56 Right. Right.

00:57:58 There you are. Keep the change.

00:58:05 Oh, that's very generous of you.

00:58:07 Don't mention it.

00:58:09 Not a word. Here's your key.

00:58:11 Lucky number, uh...

00:58:13 Twelve. Ain't got a thirteen.

00:58:16 Thanks very much.

00:58:18 Oh, you'll let us know if the police need us for anything.

00:58:21 Righto. I sure will.

00:58:23 (dog barking)

00:58:25 Normally, I'm not a fan of photography.

00:58:33 This has worked out quite nicely.

00:58:36 Don't you think?

00:58:38 Okay.

00:58:40 Do you want anything else?

00:58:48 Look at this thing.

00:58:51 She was fifteen, got the arteries of a giraffe.

00:58:54 I eat that and I grow saddlebags.

00:58:56 Guys like a little saddlebag.

00:58:58 Do they now?

00:59:00 So what do we do about Chip?

00:59:02 We're kind of stuck here now.

00:59:04 Call his dad. He deserves a good kick in the saddlebags, if you ask me.

00:59:07 No, that's true, but he'll never give us the number.

00:59:10 We're never going to find that car either.

00:59:12 Or Nina. Not that she wants to be found in the first place.

00:59:15 Why can't you admit she just backed out?

00:59:18 Because I know her.

00:59:21 Look, one minute you're a girlfriend.

00:59:23 The next, a wife.

00:59:25 And then a mother.

00:59:27 And then you think, you'll never be young again.

00:59:30 Look, I ought to know.

00:59:32 Trust me, she'll remember what she's gotten, come to her senses, you'll see.

00:59:36 You're a wonderful man.

00:59:38 Am I?

00:59:40 Yes!

00:59:42 You're not going to believe this,

00:59:45 but I swear my high school girlfriend

00:59:48 actually asked for her virginity back.

00:59:50 No!

00:59:52 Yes. Told me not to tell anyone and forget that it ever happened.

00:59:55 My big moment.

00:59:57 So I tried to make light of it, you know.

01:00:00 Told her it was like marijuana, you never get high the first time.

01:00:04 Well, I certainly did.

01:00:06 I thought I was addicted there for a time.

01:00:08 I had a lot to learn.

01:00:10 You know, I was so inexperienced when I married Jack

01:00:15 I gave him a windburn of his urethra.

01:00:17 Low, right? That's what I thought.

01:00:19 You ever have a case like that?

01:00:21 Oh, no. No.

01:00:23 I must have made the journals, though.

01:00:25 We went with a lot less veracity after that.

01:00:27 No doubt.

01:00:29 It also explains his demeanor.

01:00:31 Oh, here comes Chomsky.

01:00:49 Dude, I saw them.

01:00:51 Sure as shit.

01:00:53 Saw who, Chip?

01:00:55 Them! The chick and the dude.

01:00:57 They ran across the highway to that motel.

01:00:59 Come on!

01:01:02 Stay tuned for more Holden.

01:01:04 Give you that.

01:01:06 Give you what?

01:01:08 Your one-stop shop for all your discount hot tub needs.

01:01:12 Barlow's Spa and Waterbed Liquidators.

01:01:14 Located conveniently on Route 253 West, Brookfield.

01:01:18 God, I wish I had my clothes.

01:01:27 Yeah, well, it's the mood of the moment.

01:01:31 Jesus.

01:01:33 Why don't we take a room next to the Fight Club?

01:01:35 Listen to that.

01:01:37 Could they make love any louder?

01:01:40 I think I'm going to need a cigarette when they're done.

01:01:43 Oh, well, maybe it's all in your mind.

01:01:45 Yeah, that's it.

01:01:47 There's a guy over there banging a girl like a six-year-old with a cap guy.

01:01:50 It's all in my mind.

01:01:52 I must have a very dirty mind.

01:01:55 Hey, you're not all depressed or anything, are you?

01:01:57 Depressed? No. Impressed? Yes.

01:02:01 Sounds like he's rearranging her lymphatic system.

01:02:04 Sounds like she's enjoying it.

01:02:06 How can you tell?

01:02:08 Oh, I can tell.

01:02:10 Want some water?

01:02:12 Yeah. Get me a garden hose and some ice.

01:02:14 I'll have to get some.

01:02:16 God, they must be porn stars.

01:02:20 Or newlyweds. Or newlywed porn stars.

01:02:23 Or maybe they're taking that "by Alice" or whatever it's called.

01:02:27 Erections lasting more than four hours may require medical attention.

01:02:30 Yeah, but for whom?

01:02:32 Good.

01:02:34 Hey, you know, you're kind of funny when you want to be.

01:02:38 And that's an attractive thing in a guy.

01:02:41 Well, I'm sure Johnny Appleseed over there has quite the stand-up routine.

01:02:45 Maybe they let in a professional basketball team when we weren't looking.

01:02:49 Maybe they've just been separated, you know.

01:02:51 Like schnauzers.

01:02:53 No, I'm serious. Pay attention to their voices.

01:02:56 You can pick out voices from that?

01:02:58 Yeah, I think...

01:03:00 You don't suppose it's those two from the bus, do you?

01:03:04 The natural-born killers?

01:03:06 Yeah, it's a possibility.

01:03:08 Listen...

01:03:10 Don't you think they'd be long gone by now?

01:03:13 I think she lived.

01:03:21 Well, I'm going to go check.

01:03:25 (door opens)

01:03:27 It says right here that we're married.

01:03:40 We have IDs.

01:03:42 What is your problem?

01:03:44 Well, it's just strange, you know.

01:03:46 The ring is a holy symbol.

01:03:48 I mean, who carries around a marriage license to prove it?

01:03:51 Wouldn't you find that suspicious?

01:03:53 No.

01:03:55 All right, then.

01:03:58 What do you all plan to do with that young boy out there?

01:04:01 Excuse me.

01:04:03 Let me tell you the whole story.

01:04:06 Whoa, whoa, take your time.

01:04:08 That room ain't going to open up until the sheriff arrives.

01:04:11 Tammy, is that you?

01:04:15 Chipper?

01:04:17 What are you doing here?

01:04:19 Oh, Tammy, you're never going to believe the shit I've gone through today.

01:04:22 I'll see you blue when you did, though.

01:04:24 First, this bitch--

01:04:26 Chipper? Where are you? Get in here.

01:04:28 I gotta go. I guess I'll see you around.

01:04:30 Yeah.

01:04:32 For all your discount hot tub needs, Barlow's Spa and Waterloo.

01:04:49 Any luck?

01:04:51 I don't see them here.

01:04:53 They are? So you were right?

01:04:55 No, not them. My mom and David and for some reason the horny 15-year-old, too.

01:04:59 I don't get it.

01:05:01 God, I saw them. Oh, man.

01:05:03 Where were they?

01:05:05 In the office.

01:05:07 Did they see you?

01:05:09 Yeah, the kid did. God, how did he--

01:05:11 God, what miserable, stinking luck.

01:05:13 I mean, what is it with me? Really.

01:05:15 God, I can't believe this.

01:05:17 I mean, what am I going to say?

01:05:19 Just calm down. They haven't found you yet.

01:05:21 I'm just freaky, you know?

01:05:22 I mean, I think God totally has it in for me. Really, I do.

01:05:25 You made it here, right? Without getting hurt, without any money, without any plan.

01:05:29 I'm sure they're looking for you, but maybe we can slip out unnoticed.

01:05:33 Wait a second.

01:05:35 Why didn't Chipper just rat me out right then and there?

01:05:38 He knows you, right?

01:05:40 No, of course not. He thinks my name is Tammy.

01:05:43 Tammy?

01:05:45 Yeah. I mean, who does he think they're looking for?

01:05:48 Did you hear what he said?

01:05:50 Yes, I heard too damn much what he said in there.

01:05:53 It's John Calvin's sick dream. Now even straight people can't get married.

01:05:56 Totally fucked.

01:05:58 That's not important. They're here, and the sheriff is coming.

01:06:01 We've got to find out what room they're in and lure them out.

01:06:03 Swiftness is the key.

01:06:05 This is so cool.

01:06:07 Yes, cool, isn't it?

01:06:09 As long as the dude doesn't go mental on us.

01:06:11 Right.

01:06:13 Oh, maybe you could, like, tranquilize him or something.

01:06:15 Oh, yes. I'm a doctor. I keep forgetting.

01:06:17 I'll just neutralize him with my blow darts. Good thinking.

01:06:19 I feel like a million bucks.

01:06:22 Just a few more miles and we're over in Canada.

01:06:25 Home free.

01:06:27 Home free.

01:06:29 We should get the rest of the stuff out of that bag.

01:06:32 We should put on all the jewelry you can wear.

01:06:34 No offense, but we can't.

01:06:36 Fine.

01:06:38 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:40 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:42 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:44 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:46 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:48 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:50 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:52 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:54 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:56 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:06:58 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:00 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:02 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:04 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:06 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:08 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:10 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:12 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:14 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:16 I'll just put on my glasses.

01:07:18 How about we go to Vermont?

01:07:19 Vermont?

01:07:21 Yeah, it's practically another country.

01:07:23 And we can get ski jobs or something.

01:07:25 Ski jobs?

01:07:27 Yeah!

01:07:29 You said it yourself, I got no skills.

01:07:31 Besides, somebody will recognize me and then I'll be right back in jail.

01:07:33 I know that, it was just an idea.

01:07:35 There's gotta be a way.

01:07:38 So what were you gonna do in Canada?

01:07:47 (police radio chatter)

01:07:48 Oh God, we're too late.

01:08:12 Don't worry, Bate, I knew it.

01:08:15 Grand theft auto, armed criminal something or other.

01:08:18 Oh, Nina will be my age by the time she gets out and then what?

01:08:21 We'll still be married and I'll be father and grandfather to my own child.

01:08:25 Whoa.

01:08:27 Don't joke around.

01:08:29 I'm not joking.

01:08:31 Wait a minute, they're not holding anything material to the crime.

01:08:33 And Snoop Dogg here is the only witness, right?

01:08:35 Word up.

01:08:37 So what do they have to hold him on?

01:08:39 Not Dick.

01:08:41 Not Dick, correct.

01:08:44 Then we could flush them out.

01:08:45 Oh, I know someone, Tammy.

01:08:47 Oh, great, imaginary friend?

01:08:49 Let me guess, you've been tripping on ecstasy this whole time.

01:08:51 Nah, man, I saw her like five minutes ago.

01:08:53 Tammy?

01:08:55 Yeah, I picked her up earlier today and dropped her off.

01:08:57 They won't know her from Dick.

01:08:59 You picked up another girl today?

01:09:01 Yeah, didn't I mention that?

01:09:03 No, around noontime, on Park Hill.

01:09:05 And she said her name was Tammy, did she?

01:09:07 Yeah, definitely.

01:09:09 We were gonna party, but she was really freaked out about some shit.

01:09:13 So I took her to the bus station.

01:09:14 The bus station?

01:09:16 Freaked out, was she?

01:09:18 A brunette, about yay tall.

01:09:20 Yeah, that's her.

01:09:22 Tattoo on her shoulder.

01:09:24 Yeah, just like the other bitch.

01:09:26 Sweet Lord, I'll be damned.

01:09:28 Two chicks with the same tattoo?

01:09:30 Now that's mental.

01:09:32 I had the wrong girl all along.

01:09:35 (knocking)

01:09:37 Hands up!

01:09:41 Okay.

01:09:43 Fellow working the front desk thinks you might know something about a holdup.

01:09:46 Oh, yes, of course, but can we discuss it inside?

01:09:49 Get the hands up!

01:09:51 Okay.

01:09:53 (knocking)

01:09:59 (knocking)

01:10:01 (knocking)

01:10:03 (knocking)

01:10:05 You at the party? Paid for a room with cash?

01:10:10 Got a big suitcase full of money?

01:10:12 Oh, yeah, yeah, but I can explain--

01:10:14 The busjackers are next door.

01:10:16 All we have here is Rolly's money.

01:10:18 They've got the stuff in the bus.

01:10:20 You sure about that?

01:10:22 'Cause I will lock you up quicker than you can say "chain gang" women.

01:10:25 We told the man we hiked her to call for help.

01:10:27 They drove off in a--

01:10:29 (phone ringing)

01:10:31 Sounds like the--

01:10:33 Sounds like the perps from the state alert.

01:10:35 It sure does.

01:10:37 Okay, stay inside, and stay low.

01:10:40 Stay put.

01:10:42 Okay.

01:10:44 Now you've got the sheriff down on us.

01:10:51 Me? I wasn't the one orgasming in blood and murder.

01:10:54 It's not my fault. Maybe if you'd traveled quickly.

01:10:57 Those two bussidators, one of them got in a hot truck or something,

01:11:00 and they took a bullet, and--

01:11:02 God, I feel like I've got a replacement,

01:11:05 thanks to you, Mr. Tenderness.

01:11:07 Look, shut up and come in.

01:11:10 Police department, open up.

01:11:13 I'm gonna count to three, then we're coming in.

01:11:15 Yeah, one, two, three.

01:11:19 Who's this?

01:11:25 Stone the Baptist.

01:11:28 (whispering)

01:11:29 It looks like he's going somewhere.

01:11:43 What are we doing?

01:11:50 (whispering)

01:11:52 What do you think?

01:12:00 I think I heard a mouth back.

01:12:02 Yeah, me too.

01:12:04 Sounds like the police circled around after him.

01:12:07 Yeah, let's go out the same way.

01:12:09 Okay.

01:12:11 Oh, you go next door and see if they've got my stuff.

01:12:13 Are you sure?

01:12:15 Yeah, yeah.

01:12:17 Ow! Sorry.

01:12:20 Who's that?

01:12:21 Maybe it's Chipper's dad.

01:12:23 He wouldn't surprise me.

01:12:25 I'll go check it out.

01:12:43 (singing)

01:12:56 (dog barking)

01:12:59 (knocking)

01:13:01 A little careless there, Rolly.

01:13:04 You forgot to take the key.

01:13:06 Shut up!

01:13:08 Oh, my God!

01:13:10 (whimpering)

01:13:12 (whimpering)

01:13:14 (whimpering)

01:13:16 (whimpering)

01:13:18 (whimpering)

01:13:20 (whimpering)

01:13:22 (whimpering)

01:13:25 (knocking)

01:13:27 Hold it right there.

01:13:32 Police.

01:13:34 Ma'am, I thought I told you to stay inside.

01:13:37 There were armed perpetrators out here.

01:13:39 I don't see any.

01:13:41 Yeah, well, that's just the point.

01:13:43 They're hiding.

01:13:45 Look, I gotta get out of here.

01:13:47 It's all a sham. We're not really married.

01:13:49 Then how'd you get a room?

01:13:51 I've known Reese for years. He's not one to--

01:13:53 We are married, but I'm practically a hostage.

01:13:56 He's like twice my age, you know?

01:13:58 Well, I did see that.

01:14:00 You do realize that there could be a hail of gunfire

01:14:04 out here any second, right?

01:14:06 Anything?

01:14:08 No. I'll explain.

01:14:10 Explain back in the car. Come on, let's go.

01:14:12 Okay. Ma'am, I want you to get yourself to the diner

01:14:14 across the street and wait for a deputy there.

01:14:22 I couldn't find the owner anywhere.

01:14:24 Oh, Zina.

01:14:26 Jackie, the keys.

01:14:28 Total word. I'm bound to seek my wit.

01:14:30 Who was the guy?

01:14:32 Some dude.

01:14:34 Rolly.

01:14:38 What are you doing?

01:14:40 Coming for you. We gotta get out of here.

01:14:42 I know that. Hey, I got your bag. No money, though.

01:14:44 Listen, I'll be right over.

01:14:46 No, no, no. I can't. They're right next door.

01:14:48 They're-- That explains the kid.

01:14:51 Yeah. He blew in, used the word "fuck" more times

01:14:54 than I thought was possible,

01:14:56 and then dashed off with some keys.

01:14:58 Help me.

01:15:00 I hope you brought my bag.

01:15:06 I panicked and I totally forgot.

01:15:10 Damn! I'll stay here.

01:15:13 How am I supposed--

01:15:15 Never mind. I'll think of something.

01:15:19 Well, don't you think that you at least owe David here an explanation?

01:15:23 May I help you?

01:15:26 Who are you?

01:15:28 I'm Roland Gillette. Perhaps you've heard--

01:15:30 Thank you, Mr. Gillette, but unless you're a locksmith,

01:15:32 I'm trying to get my daughter out of this room right now.

01:15:34 Oh, this room?

01:15:36 Unless this is the Matrix, yes.

01:15:39 But that's my room.

01:15:41 Let's not play games here, buddy.

01:15:43 Oh, no, not at all. I've got the key, right?

01:15:47 Oh, wrong room.

01:15:50 You're right.

01:15:52 So sorry.

01:15:54 Drunk?

01:15:58 I believe you forgot something else.

01:16:02 I know. I forgot to tell you they saw me.

01:16:05 I'm sure they'll just think I have Alzheimer's,

01:16:07 but I meant the key, of course.

01:16:09 Damn, I also forgot the key.

01:16:11 I mean, I think I dropped it.

01:16:13 Splendid.

01:16:15 Excuse me.

01:16:17 I'm so sorry, Roly.

01:16:19 You're becoming a liability. I hope you know that.

01:16:22 I know, but you still love me.

01:16:25 Why don't you try, you know, say something nice?

01:16:34 I'm wracking my brain. I can't think of anything.

01:16:37 Maybe we should get a tire iron.

01:16:40 No, she has to come out eventually. We'll just--

01:16:44 Oh, wait, the crooks must have gotten out the back,

01:16:46 so maybe Nina wouldn't--

01:16:48 My God, you're right.

01:16:50 You go to the front. I'll run around.

01:16:53 Nina Davis, you better open up that door.

01:17:08 I'm coming in there.

01:17:13 Oh, come on. I'm not as young as I used to be.

01:17:16 I'll be right there after you.

01:17:19 Ah, we meet again.

01:17:23 What? I must have the wrong window.

01:17:27 I'm very sorry.

01:17:29 Oh, no, you don't. This is room 12.

01:17:32 She's gone, I'm afraid.

01:17:34 I would have told you before, but you wouldn't have believed me.

01:17:37 How did you get--

01:17:39 It's much easier going out.

01:17:42 Try bracing yourself with a TV stand,

01:17:44 use the bed to break your fall.

01:17:46 That's pretty much how I did it.

01:17:48 Or I could help you.

01:17:50 I choose B.

01:17:52 Now, how do you know my daughter?

01:17:59 Well, that's a rather long story.

01:18:02 Shorten it. Where is she?

01:18:04 I don't know. When you showed up, she ran.

01:18:07 Oh, did she now?

01:18:10 And where were you running? To the same place?

01:18:12 Ah, that would seem rather suspicious, wouldn't it?

01:18:15 Well, you see--

01:18:38 You want to come in?

01:18:40 Yeah, sure.

01:18:44 Hiya.

01:18:47 So you expect me to believe that you left your wife,

01:18:54 coincidentally met my daughter,

01:18:56 and ran off with her to this motel

01:18:58 without any preconception whatsoever?

01:19:00 As preposterous as it sounds, yes.

01:19:03 Then why did you sneak in from the back?

01:19:06 I was at the office for another key.

01:19:07 I could ask you the same question.

01:19:09 Ah-ha. Because I know that the owner isn't here.

01:19:12 You didn't. I had to break in,

01:19:14 so she must have let you in.

01:19:16 I'm afraid when I got back, she was already gone.

01:19:19 Why are you lying for her?

01:19:22 Why are you chasing her?

01:19:24 Because she loves David. And she's pregnant.

01:19:27 If only she would face up to it.

01:19:29 So you ran to the bus station and randomly met this guy,

01:19:34 and took a bus trip with him, conveniently stopping at a motel

01:19:36 halfway to his destination, strictly for verbal intercourse.

01:19:39 We were busjacked. They were right here in this room.

01:19:42 Thanks. I forgot that part.

01:19:44 Because busjackings are so common,

01:19:46 I simply take them for granted.

01:19:48 Kind of like wedding ceremonies.

01:19:51 I am so sorry.

01:19:53 I-- David.

01:19:55 I love you. I do.

01:19:58 I just-- Something happened that I just can't totally explain exactly.

01:20:02 [laughs]

01:20:05 Wait, wait, wait.

01:20:10 You mean to tell me that you married your own son-in-law

01:20:14 based on the belief that your daughter would change her mind

01:20:17 and take your place when you finally caught up to her?

01:20:21 Well, it's not quite that simple. She actually did marry him.

01:20:24 She just wasn't there exactly.

01:20:27 No, it doesn't get a whole lot clearer than that, I'm afraid.

01:20:30 That was her whole plan, aside from chasing criminals

01:20:33 across two states with Eminem's kid brother in tow.

01:20:35 And so you agree to this?

01:20:37 Me? No. Ah, the priest was speed-reading the vows,

01:20:40 Leanne's water broke, and the next thing I knew

01:20:43 I was married to my mother-in-law.

01:20:45 So she married you so that I'd be married to you?

01:20:48 Oh!

01:20:50 So we became traveling companions, confiding in one another,

01:20:54 and just sort of--

01:20:56 Did you hear something?

01:20:58 My ears are ringing. I'm sure it's just from the headphones.

01:21:01 Nina Davis.

01:21:03 Well, well, well.

01:21:09 I hope that you were explaining to this young man

01:21:12 why you walked out on him.

01:21:14 No, he's trying to explain your actions.

01:21:16 Only they're not making any sense because he isn't mentally deranged.

01:21:20 Listen, Miss Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

01:21:22 Did he also tell you how I broke my shoulder,

01:21:25 repelled across the eaves,

01:21:27 and humiliated myself in front of half the guests

01:21:30 at your wedding just for you?

01:21:32 Ladies, I--

01:21:34 No, he explained how you forged my signature,

01:21:36 somehow stuffed your bossy ass into my dress,

01:21:38 and married him by proxy

01:21:40 just to have one last control-thrill fetish for yourself.

01:21:44 Well, why don't you just sleep with him while you're at it,

01:21:47 and then you can have his baby?

01:21:49 Nina, I think--

01:21:51 Oh, listen to you.

01:21:53 Sexual responsibility!

01:21:55 And where did I come from, the Virgin Mary?

01:21:58 Oh, no, that's right.

01:22:00 You got knocked up in the back of the Tasty Freeze

01:22:02 during the junior varsity game, didn't you?

01:22:04 I think maybe you two should talk alone.

01:22:06 If I was the Jaws of Life, I'd get right in there.

01:22:09 The fact that he left me for the babysitter was not my fault.

01:22:12 Oh, and where were you when he was tipping her the hard way,

01:22:15 dusting that shrine to my never-ending childhood,

01:22:17 otherwise known as my room?

01:22:19 Well, they'll run out of insults eventually.

01:22:22 Men like to ram each other.

01:22:24 It's my fault that you have no decorating skills!

01:22:28 Oh, don't be a fool.

01:22:31 You're throwing away your future.

01:22:33 Oh, I already have.

01:22:35 I'll try to intervene.

01:22:37 Haven't you already?

01:22:39 No!

01:22:41 It's not what it looks like.

01:22:43 Well, that's certainly the theme of the day.

01:22:46 But I've always done exactly what you say,

01:22:48 and it always ends up a disaster!

01:22:50 Can we talk, Mrs. Davis?

01:22:52 You are the exact reason why I'm here,

01:22:55 so that my daughter doesn't run off with some middle-aged...

01:22:58 whatever it is that you do.

01:23:00 I have a radio program back in the big town

01:23:02 called Breakfast Epiphanies.

01:23:04 Damn it, I knew that voice was familiar.

01:23:06 It's true.

01:23:08 Well...

01:23:12 we all...

01:23:14 we all know that program.

01:23:16 You just never think you're going to meet...

01:23:18 the voice!

01:23:20 You know.

01:23:23 Um...

01:23:24 this must be so awkward for you, Mr. Gillette,

01:23:27 but as you can see,

01:23:29 we have a family matter to settle here.

01:23:32 Why don't we leave it to them?

01:23:34 It is between them, after all.

01:23:37 Well, I...

01:23:39 I got them together.

01:23:41 It's up to the two of you now,

01:23:44 I guess.

01:23:50 Rolly?

01:23:51 Yeah?

01:23:53 I guess this is goodbye.

01:23:55 If you're getting off at East Jesus.

01:23:57 Yeah.

01:23:59 Or you know how to find me.

01:24:01 Just follow my voice on the trail of hundred-dollar bills.

01:24:04 You're not some kind of a freak, are you?

01:24:09 Because you seem pretty nice on the surface.

01:24:12 I really love your show.

01:24:14 Oh, really?

01:24:16 Mm, it's just so... gentile, you know.

01:24:19 It's just such a supper for all that.

01:24:21 And you really look quite good.

01:24:23 Ah, well, that's very flattering.

01:24:25 Unfortunately, I'm going to be on hiatus

01:24:27 for a brief eternity, but...

01:24:30 perhaps we should discuss it over coffee

01:24:32 while they work things out.

01:24:34 All right.

01:24:36 There's the motherfucker.

01:24:38 Found her right behind the diner.

01:24:40 Good for you.

01:24:42 Oh, and you got some Dian Dashie to deal with?

01:24:44 Oh, thanks.

01:24:46 You want to tell me what this is all about?

01:24:48 Well, we could consult the magic box of reasons.

01:24:51 Hey, yo, uh, oh, sorry.

01:24:53 Whoa, were you and Tammy about to hook up?

01:24:56 No, I don't think so.

01:24:58 Oh, well, so we're on the real.

01:25:00 She got some unresolved B.S. to deal with.

01:25:02 So, uh, buyer beware. Copy?

01:25:04 I copy.

01:25:06 Here's your cell back, dude.

01:25:08 I got my wheels, so I'm gonna dip.

01:25:10 My aunt's gonna have my ass for this shit.

01:25:12 Guess I'll see you around. Peace out, Tammy.

01:25:15 Danny, you're never gonna believe this shit.

01:25:19 Well, that's the trouble with shit.

01:25:20 Yeah, has no belief system.

01:25:23 Look, Nina, what is this?

01:25:27 Oh, um, why couldn't you just have given me a little more time to get used to the idea?

01:25:34 The idea of what?

01:25:36 Listen, I love you.

01:25:39 I love you, too.

01:25:45 Okay, so maybe things got a little accelerated there.

01:25:49 And I admit I misdiagnosed my own low level of spermatogenesis.

01:25:54 But didn't we...

01:25:57 Don't we have something here?

01:25:59 I mean, we're going to have a baby, for Christ's sakes.

01:26:02 Uh, no. No, we're not.

01:26:07 What?

01:26:09 Um, well, I, uh, I sort of took care of that.

01:26:14 You sort of took care of that?

01:26:17 Um, all right, I...

01:26:20 I did take care of it.

01:26:23 Well...

01:26:28 Who did the procedure? Was it Morrissey?

01:26:32 No, it was none of your friends.

01:26:34 I walked through the line of fetus waivers just like everybody else.

01:26:38 I really should call it unplanned parenthood, if you think about it.

01:26:42 I'd lose the condom trade.

01:26:45 Look, I wish I could have been there.

01:26:47 Oh, no, no, you don't.

01:26:49 The reception area was a mess and there wasn't a current magazine in sight.

01:26:52 And the TV was tuned to Barney.

01:26:54 You know what I mean.

01:26:56 Yeah, I know.

01:26:59 I'm sorry for that.

01:27:02 I screw up everything.

01:27:07 I'm not ready to be a mother, David.

01:27:10 God, what the hell kind of mother would I be?

01:27:13 Well, if your mom is any testament, you've made a compelling case.

01:27:17 Why does everyone have such faith in me all the time?

01:27:20 Don't I screw everything up? I mean, didn't I screw this up?

01:27:24 What kind of wife would I be?

01:27:27 Well, a second one, as things currently stand.

01:27:30 I'm serious.

01:27:32 I don't know.

01:27:34 I don't even care.

01:27:37 Why do you even have to be one?

01:27:40 I thought it was what you wanted.

01:27:42 It sounded so romantic at first.

01:27:44 It was romantic.

01:27:46 When you weren't throwing up on something.

01:27:49 Look, I didn't come here to make you marry me.

01:27:53 Your mother did that.

01:27:55 I came here for you.

01:27:58 All I ever wanted was you.

01:28:01 Me too.

01:28:08 I have a proposition for you.

01:28:10 You know how at the daycare center you can order dinner in reverse?

01:28:15 Dessert, then the main course?

01:28:18 Well, what if we have the wedding in reverse?

01:28:23 Take the honeymoon tickets and just go have fun again?

01:28:27 And then if someday we decide this is what we want...

01:28:31 We're fully rehearsed.

01:28:34 Yeah.

01:28:37 You know, you'll have to divorce my mother first.

01:28:41 Evening, sir. Can I see some identification?

01:28:56 Reese McElroy.

01:29:01 Yes, sir.

01:29:04 Old Mill Road, Rural Route 19, Bethany.

01:29:07 Where are you traveling tonight, sir?

01:29:09 Toronto, Ontario.

01:29:11 I see. Any goods to claim?

01:29:13 No, sir. Personal business only.

01:29:16 Very good. What's the purpose of your visit to Canada?

01:29:19 I'm going to get my wife back.

01:29:22 Praise the Lord. Good luck to you.

01:29:25 Amen.

01:29:27 Sir, your passport!

01:29:30 [Music]

01:29:34 [Speaking French]

01:29:36 [Speaking French]

01:29:39 [Speaking French]

01:29:41 [Speaking French]

01:29:44 [Speaking French]

01:29:46 [Speaking French]

01:29:49 [Speaking French]

01:29:52 [Speaking French]

01:29:55 I thought you were going to speak to him.

01:30:18 Well, maybe we can catch up to him later and explain everything to him.

01:30:22 I kind of doubt that.

01:30:25 Smile.

01:30:27 Bienvenue. First day, new life.

01:30:31 You're going to destroy everything, aren't you?

01:30:34 Why would I destroy it?

01:30:36 It's elegant.

01:30:38 Oh, come on. It's what you should know. It's romantic.

01:30:41 Romantic?

01:30:43 Yeah, romantic like you would know.

01:30:45 Romantic like I wouldn't know?

01:30:47 It's romantic. Check this out.

01:30:50 So, what do you think?

01:30:58 Not bad.

01:31:00 You keep that up on my cutout once in a while.

01:31:03 Oh, that's how it's going to be, isn't it?

01:31:06 Very Linda Hamilton.

01:31:10 Whatever that is.

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Elemental - Chasing Butterflies

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