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FunTranscript
00:00:00♪
00:00:30♪
00:00:37♪
00:00:44♪
00:00:51♪
00:00:58♪
00:01:05♪
00:01:12♪
00:01:16Has the main feature started yet?
00:01:18No, sir, you're just in time.
00:01:20I'm on.
00:01:21♪
00:01:26Around the block, for the ninth time.
00:01:29It's a merry-go-round.
00:01:32You know that for the last six months,
00:01:33I haven't seen the beginning or the end of a picture?
00:01:36Every time when we come to the theater,
00:01:38the girl has already been torn from her lover's arms.
00:01:40When we go out, they haven't been reunited yet.
00:01:43I see nothing but unhappiness.
00:01:45Please, for once, let us stay until the happy ending.
00:01:49But, Philippe, you know how people swarm the lobby
00:01:52when the picture begins and ends.
00:01:54It isn't safe.
00:01:55Love is never safe.
00:01:57You must do things dangerously.
00:01:59But think of my position, my husband.
00:02:02I'll tell you what you'll do.
00:02:03I'll think of your husband if you'll think of me, huh?
00:02:06♪
00:02:12Well, has it started?
00:02:13Not yet, sir. You can still make it.
00:02:15Drive on.
00:02:16♪
00:02:23When we are not together, you do think of me, don't you?
00:02:25Philippe, you know I do.
00:02:27Well, now, when you think of me,
00:02:29then you think sometimes it might be, well,
00:02:32nice if we kissed there.
00:02:36Yes.
00:02:39See? And when we are together, you lose your nerve.
00:02:42You're being cool, Philippe.
00:02:44A taxi's just not the place to kiss in.
00:02:47No? A lot of people would be surprised to know that.
00:02:51♪
00:02:56Well, what about it?
00:02:57Now you're too late.
00:02:58The picture's been on for three minutes.
00:03:00Good.
00:03:01♪
00:03:04How much?
00:03:0626 francs.
00:03:07♪
00:03:18Give me my ticket and you wait until I'm seated.
00:03:21♪
00:03:24I'm not disturbing you, am I?
00:03:27One?
00:03:28Two.
00:03:30Seat, uh, 66 and 68.
00:03:33How much?
00:03:3445 francs with tax.
00:03:3745 out of 100.
00:03:42Second seat, please.
00:03:43♪
00:03:58Ticket, please.
00:04:01This aisle, next door, sir.
00:04:04Yoo-hoo!
00:04:06There's a step there, sir.
00:04:07Oh, is there?
00:04:08♪
00:04:16I like that.
00:04:17Yeah, good.
00:04:18Isn't it?
00:04:19♪
00:04:24May I come up?
00:04:25♪
00:04:28♪ Time in its flight, dear, is deaf to the plight, dear,
00:04:36of slow-spoken lovers.
00:04:38Just keep that.
00:04:39♪ Like me.
00:04:43♪ Just when we're started, we find that we're parted by reason's appropriateness.
00:04:59♪ Let us dispense with inventions and goals.
00:05:06♪ Let us invent something more.
00:05:15♪ Secret rendezvous, a place to dream a dream or two.
00:05:24♪ Silent night, the night above.
00:05:32Let me see your program, do I leave?
00:05:34♪ Like Romeo met Juliet, I'll come to you,
00:05:41♪ whispering a song of love.
00:05:47I think this will turn out all right.
00:05:49♪ Though our hearts dissemble, we'll kiss, and as we tremble,
00:05:57♪ the stars will all assemble, a horror story of bliss.
00:06:06See how these Americans make love.
00:06:08Anyplace.
00:06:09Our balcony's out of doors.
00:06:11♪ Will be the love I pledge to you,
00:06:17♪ in our secret rendezvous.
00:06:30At last.
00:06:31Now, come along.
00:06:34Why, you!
00:06:35You, you, I beg you to, how dare you!
00:06:38Mademoiselle, I, I thought that...
00:06:40I don't care what you thought, it's what you did.
00:06:42Go ahead, we can't see through you.
00:06:45Oh, no!
00:06:47Hey, hey, hey!
00:06:58What's going on here?
00:07:00Did someone try to steal your bag?
00:07:01Not at all, madame.
00:07:02That creature kissed me.
00:07:04Oh, is that all?
00:07:06I'm in state of affairs.
00:07:08It's all the fault of the government.
00:07:10Of course it is.
00:07:11When the government gets slack,
00:07:13the public morals get slacker.
00:07:22Richard.
00:07:23Yes, madam.
00:07:25In this emergency,
00:07:26our society, for the protection of public morals,
00:07:30of which I have the honor to be the president,
00:07:32will show its power.
00:07:35Who are you, the censor?
00:07:37We censor the censors!
00:07:39Yes!
00:07:40Mademoiselle!
00:07:41Don't you dare speak to me!
00:07:43I assure you, you are only making matters worse by...
00:07:45Oh, really? You think it was I who kissed you?
00:07:47Oh, did you?
00:07:48But of course, you didn't.
00:07:51Well, did you kiss her, yes or no?
00:07:54Madame, in a way, perhaps, you couldn't call it a...
00:07:58Say no more!
00:07:59It's only too clear.
00:08:01You! Why, you're a monster!
00:08:04Mademoiselle!
00:08:06You don't frighten me!
00:08:08Well, you frighten me, all right. You scare me to death.
00:08:15Well, now, madame, I have business to attend to.
00:08:17Oh, no, you don't! Not without attacking me, too!
00:08:21Well, in that case, madame, I won't budge.
00:08:25Now, here. Oh, la police.
00:08:26What's all this about?
00:08:27Ah, the police.
00:08:28There. There you have the victim.
00:08:31And this is the culprit?
00:08:33Yes.
00:08:34What's he done?
00:08:39Just a minute. One minute.
00:08:42What did she say I did?
00:08:45Oh.
00:08:46No, nothing of the sort.
00:08:49She's making things up.
00:08:50I merely kissed mademoiselle, that's all.
00:08:52Is that what all this fuss is about?
00:08:54Yes.
00:08:55Oh, so that's the way you guard the public morals, is it, you police?
00:08:58I'll take your number.
00:08:59Oh, but, madame, this is absurd.
00:09:01I scream naturally out of surprise, but there's no need to carry on like this.
00:09:05I demand this man be punished.
00:09:07Yes.
00:09:08Be quiet. It wasn't you he kissed.
00:09:10No, if I'd kissed her, she wouldn't have said a word.
00:09:15Well, all I can do is make out a report. Now, what's your name?
00:09:17I am Hortense.
00:09:19Not you. You.
00:09:20Philippe Martin Savoy-Ferdinand.
00:09:22Ah, an actor?
00:09:24Yes.
00:09:25Ah.
00:09:26And your name, mademoiselle?
00:09:28Monique Pellerin, Avenue du Bois.
00:09:30Pellerin! The publisher of the Morning Journal?
00:09:33He's my father.
00:09:34Ladies, I'm not interested in some maniac bothering a girl at the cinema.
00:09:38I'm not interested in your organization.
00:09:40As a matter of fact, I'm not interested in you.
00:09:42Monsieur Pellerin, I am Hortense.
00:09:46What if the girl happened to be your daughter?
00:09:49Well, fortunately for me, such is not the case.
00:09:53Your daughter, Monique, was the girl at the cinema.
00:09:58What?
00:10:01Well, I assure you, Cecile, it was a scandal.
00:10:03And you, a girl about to be married. What will Count Alfredo think?
00:10:06Oh, he'll think whatever I want him to think.
00:10:08And your father?
00:10:09He'll blame me for it.
00:10:10Because I'm supposed to be with you every minute, and I wasn't.
00:10:13Don't worry, my dear. Father will never know a thing about it.
00:10:16Ladies, the incident is closed.
00:10:18That is far from being the opinion of the Minister of Justice.
00:10:20The Minister of Justice?
00:10:22You mean to say you've been to the Minister of Justice?
00:10:24You mentioned my daughter's name?
00:10:26The Minister has the same information we gave to the papers.
00:10:30Papers? What papers?
00:10:31All the papers.
00:10:32Your good name, Monsieur Pellerin, will be defended in spite of you.
00:10:35Just a moment, ladies.
00:10:36Please, kindly leave the defending of my good name to me.
00:10:39And restrict your activities to your own affairs.
00:10:41Good day.
00:10:42You are turning us out, Monsieur Pellerin?
00:10:44Bothering the Minister with a little thing like a kiss at the cinema.
00:10:47Why didn't you go to the League of Nations?
00:10:48Ladies, let us leave.
00:10:50Don't let me detain you.
00:10:52Sir, I am Hortense.
00:10:54We are leaving.
00:10:58I am Hortense.
00:11:00Such rot, such nonsense.
00:11:02And you, you, mademoiselle.
00:11:05Would you make such a fuss about a little kiss?
00:11:07Oh, no, sir.
00:11:12You wouldn't slap the fellow's face, would you?
00:11:16Oh, no, sir.
00:11:18Well, it's a matter of temperament, that's all.
00:11:21Is it my fault if a man wants to kiss me?
00:11:24Yes, it is.
00:11:25Unless it's Alfredo.
00:11:27You must think of him.
00:11:29I am.
00:11:33Oh, but no, no.
00:11:35I have you no soul.
00:11:37Give me something more, uh, more discreet.
00:11:40Yes, my dear count.
00:11:42We have another here.
00:11:44Ah, yes, here it is.
00:11:46Now, there is something that any woman would like.
00:11:49Yes, but I don't want something any woman would like.
00:11:53Think of this lovely creature.
00:11:55A, um, a...
00:11:57A lily in the field?
00:11:58Ah, yes.
00:12:00Yes, George?
00:12:02Mademoiselle Pellerin on the telephone, sir.
00:12:15Ah, my sweet, my sweet.
00:12:17Hello.
00:12:18When you come to dinner this evening,
00:12:20I want you to tell father that you and I spent the afternoon together.
00:12:23But, darling, I tell you that is impossible.
00:12:26I was at the Turkish bath.
00:12:28Alfredo, no matter what happens,
00:12:30you're to remember to tell father that you were with me.
00:12:33All right, adorable.
00:12:35Ta-ta.
00:12:42Darling?
00:12:47Yes?
00:12:52Uh, Monique, uh, what did you do interesting today?
00:12:55Oh, I was with Alfredo.
00:12:57Wasn't I, Alfredo?
00:13:00What?
00:13:01Oh, uh, oh, yes, yes.
00:13:03Yes, we, uh...
00:13:04We had lunch in the bois, from there to the dressmaker's.
00:13:07And then to the Turkish bath, and...
00:13:10Oh, no, now, how silly of me to mention that.
00:13:14Yes, quite.
00:13:16Monique, go on.
00:13:18Uh, then we went to the cinema.
00:13:21Yes, uh, yes, I was there, too.
00:13:24Well, well, tell me about it.
00:13:27Was it, uh...
00:13:28Oh, most amusing. You should have been there.
00:13:31Yes, yes, evidently I...
00:13:33I missed something, all right.
00:13:35Hmm?
00:13:37Oh...
00:13:41Well, come on.
00:13:43Tell me about it. What...
00:13:44What's the mystery?
00:13:45Uh, mystery?
00:13:46Oh, no, it was a musical.
00:13:48Wasn't it?
00:13:49Yes, Father.
00:13:50You know, one of those stories where the father locks his daughter in a boudoir,
00:13:53and the lover comes along with his ladder, and...
00:13:55Oh, now, now, Monique, let me tell it.
00:13:58And you know, all the time,
00:14:00the father was down below in the bushes.
00:14:03I didn't see anyone in the bushes.
00:14:07Oh, yes, you did.
00:14:09Didn't you?
00:14:11Then the lover climbs up the balcony,
00:14:13takes the girl in his arms and sings that song.
00:14:16Now, how does it go, Alfredo?
00:14:18That's it, that's it.
00:14:23Just then the father comes running out of the bushes.
00:14:26Oh, yes.
00:14:27Knocks over the ladder, and leaves the two lovers hanging in midair.
00:14:32Oh, but you didn't come to the kiss yet, Alfredo.
00:14:45Well, of course it always ends with a kiss.
00:14:48It was just an accident.
00:14:51Oh, now, sweetheart, how can you say anything so lovely was just an accident?
00:14:56I said it was an accident.
00:14:58Then you think the fellow meant to kiss Monique.
00:15:01Well, of course it was a matter of...
00:15:06To kiss Monique.
00:15:07Yes.
00:15:09Did someone kiss Monique?
00:15:11Yes.
00:15:15Now, just one minute, please.
00:15:17Monique, am I your fiancé or am I not?
00:15:20Well, if you don't know, I don't know.
00:15:23Yes, but nobody explains to me nothing.
00:15:26I demand to know if you were kissed.
00:15:29I was kissed.
00:15:31By whom? I challenge him.
00:15:33You sit down and behave.
00:15:37Give me Edouard.
00:15:38Now listen to me, Monique.
00:15:40If you do not tell to me everything at once,
00:15:43I tell your father that I was not even at the cinema with you.
00:15:47Quiet, quiet.
00:15:48If it were left to you, the story would be all over Paris.
00:15:51Hello, Edouard, kill that story.
00:15:53Not a paper in Paris will dare publish it if I say not to.
00:15:59Come on.
00:16:23Good morning, Alphonse.
00:16:24Good morning.
00:16:30Now, where's your custom of bread, Dodo?
00:16:32Alphonse is hungry.
00:16:33Yes, and so was I.
00:16:35Never mind about Alphonse.
00:16:36What about the beautiful girl?
00:16:37You know, you sat next to her in the movie and you kissed her
00:16:40and she stopped your face.
00:16:42You apologize.
00:16:43She was still angry, still angry.
00:16:45And then the crazy woman came in and she interfered.
00:16:48What did you say?
00:16:49Listen, I've told you ten times already.
00:16:51Yes, but I want to improve your performance.
00:16:54Well, I said to her, I assure you,
00:16:57I assure you, you are only making matters worse by, um...
00:17:02It was the wrong line.
00:17:03The line you should have used was Murray's line
00:17:05in the fourth act of The Wooded Divorce.
00:17:07It says, fear not, fair damsel.
00:17:09A kiss is but a paltry thing.
00:17:12Stop that, Dodo.
00:17:13You're not prompting at the theater now.
00:17:15Listen, I've prompted 446 plays and know them all by heart.
00:17:18But you never take advantage of my vast intelligence.
00:17:21But this actually happened to me.
00:17:23The police took my name.
00:17:24The police took your name?
00:17:25Yes.
00:17:26And you gave your real name, Philippe Martin?
00:17:28Oh, dear.
00:17:29A thousand beautiful women in Paris
00:17:31never knew my name was Toto.
00:17:33A thousand?
00:17:34You don't say so.
00:17:36What did they call you?
00:17:37They called me Poo-Poo.
00:17:40Poo-Poo?
00:17:41Why Poo-Poo?
00:17:42I even had to give the address of the theater.
00:17:44You gave the address of the theater where we play?
00:17:46Well, you gave the address...
00:17:47Oh, my, what a smart boy, what a brilliant mind.
00:17:51That silly clock doesn't know I'm up yet.
00:17:53Listen, I didn't set it for getting up.
00:17:55This is time we are due at rehearsal.
00:17:56But rehearsal? Oh, we've got to go to rehearsal.
00:18:14What is it?
00:18:15There was someone here to see you three times.
00:18:17Oh, those bell collectors.
00:18:19No, no, no.
00:18:20This was a lady.
00:18:21Oh, was she blonde or brunette?
00:18:24I didn't see.
00:18:25She didn't get out of a taxi.
00:18:27Oh, well, thanks as I said.
00:18:30She said she would be back in a minute.
00:18:32Yes, I know.
00:18:34Oh, it was her again, eh?
00:18:37Who?
00:18:38Oh, you know.
00:18:54To please the lady...
00:19:02Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
00:19:05Go away, me.
00:19:06Fa fa fa fa.
00:19:08Blah.
00:19:09Mm, blah.
00:19:21To please the lady is my obsession.
00:19:26To make them love me is my profession.
00:19:32Because my manner is so beguiling.
00:19:37When I smile and wink my soulful eyes.
00:19:50And when they turned on the light...
00:19:51Morning, girls.
00:19:52The love monster gave his name as Philippe Martin, actor, Savoy Theatre.
00:19:56What?
00:19:57So that's the kind of a friend you've got.
00:19:59Oh.
00:20:00Mm-hmm.
00:20:01Mm-hmm.
00:20:02Mm-hmm.
00:20:03This is tragic.
00:20:04All right.
00:20:05Let's get on with the rehearsal.
00:20:06All on stage for the love train number.
00:20:09A train dispatcher.
00:20:10Where's the train dispatcher?
00:20:11Martin.
00:20:12Where's Martin?
00:20:13Toto, where's Martin?
00:20:14Am I my roommate's keeper?
00:20:15No.
00:20:16You're late.
00:20:17Yes, but I got a very good excuse.
00:20:18Never mind the excuse.
00:20:19All right.
00:20:20I'll save it for the next time.
00:20:21Get down there where you belong.
00:20:22Well, we've got to have a train dispatcher.
00:20:28Here, you.
00:20:29You take it.
00:20:30Me?
00:20:31Do I ring it?
00:20:32Well, you don't blow it.
00:20:33All aboard.
00:20:34All aboard.
00:20:35All aboard.
00:20:36To the land of love.
00:20:37All aboard.
00:20:38All aboard.
00:20:39All aboard.
00:20:40To the land of love.
00:20:41Well, well, well.
00:20:42Martin.
00:20:43Are you going or coming from the land of love?
00:20:44Where have you been?
00:20:45Oh.
00:20:46Oh.
00:20:47Oh.
00:20:48Oh.
00:20:49Oh.
00:20:50Oh.
00:20:51Oh.
00:20:52Oh.
00:20:53Oh.
00:20:54Oh.
00:20:55Oh.
00:20:56Oh.
00:20:57Oh.
00:20:58Where have you been?
00:20:59All right, girls.
00:21:00Get back to your places.
00:21:01You can stare at him all you want to after the rehearsal.
00:21:02Well, what's the matter with me?
00:21:05You're famous all over.
00:21:07Who's his favorite author?
00:21:11Does he prefer blondes?
00:21:13Gentlemen.
00:21:14Gentlemen.
00:21:15Now, there are thousands of Martins living in Paris.
00:21:16Are you sure he made himself at home here?
00:21:17Absolutely.
00:21:18He gave the address of this theater.
00:21:19He hasn't attacked anyone around here yet, has he?
00:21:20Thought of a place do they-
00:21:22Has he, Felice?
00:21:23Not me, sir.
00:21:24It won't be long now.
00:21:25What?
00:21:26Well, you mean thinking about any time, any place, anybody?
00:21:29Mr. Meyer, Mr. Meyer.
00:21:30Just a minute, please.
00:21:31All right.
00:21:32We'll try it again.
00:21:35All aboard for the land of love.
00:21:38Love.
00:21:39Love.
00:21:40Love.
00:21:41Love.
00:21:42Love.
00:21:43Love.
00:21:44Be quiet.
00:21:45Give me that bell.
00:21:47I'll show you now.
00:21:48Watch me.
00:21:49Like this.
00:21:51All aboard.
00:21:53All aboard.
00:21:55For the land of love.
00:21:57Simply rotten.
00:21:58A lot of crazy talk about nothing.
00:22:01Will you stop reading your own publicity and get to work?
00:22:04Yes.
00:22:05Take your coat off.
00:22:08Keep it on.
00:22:10You're fired.
00:22:11I can't have people like...
00:22:12Well, what are you?
00:22:13A fiend.
00:22:14A fiend.
00:22:15Well, I can't have any of you getting my theater into disrepute.
00:22:17You're fired.
00:22:18But please, let me tell you my side of it.
00:22:21No.
00:22:22After all, a kiss.
00:22:23After all, a kiss.
00:22:24It's quite a poetry thing.
00:22:25Man's mad.
00:22:26Call the police.
00:22:27Oh, I'm going.
00:22:28I'm going.
00:22:29You see, that was the wrong line, Toto.
00:22:30Goodbye, everybody.
00:22:31Goodbye.
00:22:32You can't take away my cast.
00:22:33You're fired.
00:22:34You're fired.
00:22:35You're fired.
00:22:36Oh, that's what I said.
00:22:37Get out.
00:22:38Well, it's an old line, but it's always good for an exit.
00:22:40You.
00:22:41You.
00:22:42Oh, it's you.
00:22:43What do you want?
00:22:44I'm so upset about the whole thing.
00:22:45I can't eat.
00:22:46My husband is surely going to notice it.
00:22:47Hey, you.
00:22:48You are quite the trooper, aren't you?
00:22:49Very good.
00:22:50Very good.
00:22:51You.
00:22:52You.
00:22:53You are quite the troper, aren't you?
00:22:54Very good.
00:22:55You.
00:22:56You are quite the trooper, aren't you?
00:22:57Yes.
00:22:58I'm a very responsible and good editor.
00:22:59Yes, indeed.
00:23:00I'm a very responsible and good editor.
00:23:01So I was a great illustrator.
00:23:02I was a very good illustrator.
00:23:03I instructed you.
00:23:04I was very good.
00:23:05But you...
00:23:06But you...
00:23:07You...
00:23:08Yeah, this episode is also going to affect my appetite.
00:23:12I've been fired.
00:23:14Fired?
00:23:15Yes.
00:23:16Oh, but Philip, you will be brave about it.
00:23:19You won't give me away.
00:23:20No, of course not.
00:23:21What do you think?
00:23:22I beg your pardon?
00:23:23Are you Philippe Martin?
00:23:25I have nothing to say.
00:23:27Perhaps not.
00:23:28Not here.
00:23:36Excuse me a minute, Yvonne.
00:23:38Please, don't mention my...
00:23:43This is Mr. LeBlanc, Sheriff's Office.
00:23:46Oh, what do you want?
00:23:47You, to appear for trial before the Court of Correction
00:23:51on complaint to the Society for the Protection of Public Moral.
00:24:03What's going on in there?
00:24:05Has he attacked anyone yet?
00:24:06What does he look like?
00:24:07Has he got horns?
00:24:12Detendant, the testimony against you is unanimous.
00:24:16Now, what have you to say for yourself?
00:24:19Well, Your Excellency, on the day in question it was raining.
00:24:24You understand.
00:24:25I object.
00:24:27Objection sustained.
00:24:28It was still raining.
00:24:32You see, there was nothing else to do,
00:24:36so we...
00:24:38I mean, I went to the cinema with...
00:24:43You can't go on,
00:24:45because you sneaked into the theater alone.
00:24:48I didn't sneak.
00:24:51Or, in a way, I sneaked, but...
00:24:53His sneaking is a confession.
00:24:56I did not confess anything, Your Excellency.
00:24:59I object.
00:25:00You can't object.
00:25:02You're the defendant.
00:25:04Then I deny it.
00:25:05Defendant, do you admit that under the cover of darkness
00:25:09you attacked Mademoiselle Pellerin?
00:25:11Your Excellency, a little kid is scarcely an attack.
00:25:16What would you call it?
00:25:18Well, we might call it a present.
00:25:24I object.
00:25:25Oh, no, if I can't object, he can't object.
00:25:28Objection sustained.
00:25:36You, you!
00:25:40Well, say, I really haven't time for anything like this just now.
00:25:43I'm on my way to a trial.
00:25:45Yes, I know.
00:25:46You're Philip's friend, Mr. Couture.
00:25:48I've been chasing you for blocks.
00:25:49Oh, you have?
00:25:50Will you take him a letter?
00:25:51Well, I'm late now.
00:25:52You see, I've been hours preparing this basket of paintings
00:25:54for him to have in jail.
00:25:56You think they will send him to jail?
00:25:57Oh, sure, he hasn't got a chance.
00:25:59So, if he were only a murderer.
00:26:01Oh, but this letter's very important.
00:26:03Oh, but this letter's very important.
00:26:05Will you deliver it?
00:26:06It's a matter of life and death.
00:26:07Life and death?
00:26:08I'll deliver it dead or alive.
00:26:12Dependent, have you ever been sentenced before
00:26:15for a similar, uh...
00:26:17Well, Your Excellency, I must confess
00:26:20I have kissed a few times in my life,
00:26:22but I've never been sent to jail for it.
00:26:27Very well.
00:26:28Now, in this particular instance,
00:26:30how did the plaintiff react?
00:26:33React?
00:26:34Oh, uh, you mean, uh, uh, during the act.
00:26:38She didn't react.
00:26:40I did, I did. I slapped him.
00:26:42Oh, no, that was afterwards, afterwards.
00:26:45But while I was...
00:26:46You didn't budge.
00:26:50Because I was paralyzed with shock.
00:26:52Oh, Your Excellency, I do wish you'd let me object
00:26:55just this once,
00:26:56because I really don't paralyze people
00:26:58when I kiss them.
00:27:01Silence! Silence!
00:27:04Silence in the court!
00:27:20Is this where my plan is being tried?
00:27:22Yes.
00:27:23Where do you think you're going?
00:27:25Here.
00:27:26Don't you see that? Public, not admitted.
00:27:28Oh, I see. Thank you.
00:27:29Oh, hey, how about him, huh?
00:27:30He has a card.
00:27:31Yes, but I have a letter, I have a letter.
00:27:33You must have a card.
00:27:35Bureau 346, fourth floor,
00:27:37second corridor to your right, third door.
00:27:43That way.
00:27:51Mademoiselle Pellera,
00:27:52I would like you to tell the court
00:27:54just what you felt at the time of the...
00:28:00Yes.
00:28:01What any girl would feel?
00:28:03Terror?
00:28:05Well, Your Excellency, I...
00:28:07I can't say terror exactly.
00:28:11Horror?
00:28:13No, I...
00:28:14I can't say horror.
00:28:16Excitement, perhaps?
00:28:19No, not quite excitement.
00:28:22Mixed emotions, then.
00:28:25Yes, that's it. Mixed emotions.
00:28:28Silence!
00:28:30Dependent,
00:28:31in the presence of the plaintiff,
00:28:33you will now show just how this thing happened.
00:28:36Oh, stop!
00:28:39You can demonstrate on the clerk of the court.
00:28:48That's asking a little too much.
00:28:50Hey, young man, where are you going?
00:28:52Arrest him or something.
00:28:58Why don't you knock?
00:28:59Oh, well, I'm in a hurry.
00:29:01The sign said knock.
00:29:02Well, I will next time.
00:29:03What do you want?
00:29:04I want admission to the courtroom, door number six.
00:29:06You have to get a form.
00:29:07Fourth floor, corridor to the right, up the stairway.
00:29:09And don't read over my shoulder!
00:29:11Oh.
00:29:15Fourth floor, corridor to the right, don't read over my shoulder.
00:29:18Knock, knock, knock, knock.
00:29:20The only way we can get to the truth of this thing
00:29:23is to reenter the courtroom.
00:29:25The only way we can get to the truth of this thing
00:29:27is to reenact the crime just as it occurred at the cinema.
00:29:31Sit down, mademoiselle.
00:29:35You have nothing to fear.
00:29:37You are in the fatherly protection of justice.
00:29:45Your excellency, at the cinema she was much nearer.
00:29:48Mademoiselle, if you please.
00:29:51Nearer.
00:29:58It's all right.
00:29:59Very well.
00:30:00Now, let's proceed.
00:30:03Before kissing the plaintiff,
00:30:06did you make any advances?
00:30:09He stole my program.
00:30:11Oh, is that true?
00:30:13No, I didn't steal it, I merely borrowed it.
00:30:17I didn't steal it, I merely borrowed it.
00:30:19Then what did you do?
00:30:22Nothing, I just kissed her, that's all.
00:30:26Nothing?
00:30:27He calls that nothing!
00:30:29Down!
00:30:31But how?
00:30:32How?
00:30:33Illustrate.
00:30:34Let's see.
00:30:37Don't you touch me!
00:30:38She didn't say that in the cinema.
00:30:43Stop!
00:30:44I protest!
00:30:46I object!
00:30:47I mean...
00:30:49Silence!
00:30:50Go away!
00:30:56Come in.
00:30:59Why did you knock?
00:31:00Well, the man upstairs, he told me to knock.
00:31:02In fact, he was very rude about it.
00:31:03Never mind, what do you want?
00:31:04What do I want?
00:31:05Oh.
00:31:06My very best friend, Martin.
00:31:08He's on trial for his life or death.
00:31:10I must have a pass to see him.
00:31:12Door number three.
00:31:13You'll have to get a tax stamp.
00:31:14First floor, in the corner by the entrance.
00:31:17You haven't got one here, have you?
00:31:18No!
00:31:24My friend, the court is confused.
00:31:27It still does not understand the when of the kiss,
00:31:30the where of the kiss, or the why of the kiss.
00:31:35Your Excellency, if I could only explain...
00:31:39I see.
00:31:40You mean the temptation was irresistible.
00:31:44Yes, that's it!
00:31:49Your Excellency, you know what love is, don't you?
00:31:55Don't ask the court questions.
00:31:58Well, it's sort of like being struck by lightning, isn't it?
00:32:01I protest!
00:32:02Against lightning?
00:32:05Silence!
00:32:06Now go on with your lightning.
00:32:08Go on, go on.
00:32:10Well, it happened like this.
00:32:12I was seated next to Mademoiselle.
00:32:16The fragrance of her perfume.
00:32:19Such a subtle perfume, Your Excellency.
00:32:22Charming.
00:32:25Then I was looking at Mademoiselle's ear.
00:32:30Oh, Your Excellency, I do wish the court would come down
00:32:33and take a look at that sweet little ear.
00:32:38The bench can see the sweet little ear from here.
00:32:42Proceed.
00:32:43Well, Your Excellency, that ear was saying things to me.
00:32:48The people on the screen were embracing each other.
00:32:52There was soft music.
00:32:54A love song.
00:32:55It went like this.
00:33:07And then, Your Excellency,
00:33:09I offered up a kiss as my tribute to beauty.
00:33:16This defendant convicts himself.
00:33:20In weaving his subtle net,
00:33:24he employed all the insidious devices
00:33:27known to his perfidious profession.
00:33:31A love song.
00:33:34A rainy afternoon.
00:33:37Low lights.
00:33:39And then, at the psychological moment,
00:33:42he struck!
00:33:44Bravo!
00:33:50Oh, poor Philippe.
00:33:52Philippe could only remember the defendant's oration
00:33:54from the Merchant of Venice or Madame Mecs.
00:33:57Madame Mecs would be good, too.
00:33:59But he won't.
00:34:01Martel, before I pass sentence,
00:34:05have you anything further to say?
00:34:07Only this.
00:34:09That if I'm convicted for kissing a girl,
00:34:12a beautiful girl, mind you,
00:34:14that it will be the first,
00:34:16the first time since the days of Charlemagne
00:34:18that a Frenchman has been convicted
00:34:20for so charming an offense.
00:34:26Down through the centuries,
00:34:28Down through the centuries,
00:34:29we have become known as the most gallant of nations.
00:34:32And now, with one gesture,
00:34:33this court will destroy
00:34:35that noble and inalienable heritage!
00:34:40The quality of mercy is not strange.
00:34:43It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven,
00:34:47as it droppeth upon us that rainy afternoon.
00:34:51And so, I kiss this beautiful girl.
00:34:55No true Frenchman should question why or wherefore.
00:34:58I only ask the court to study her loveliness.
00:35:03And there, I rest my case.
00:35:06Bravo!
00:35:10Silence.
00:35:12Madame, this is not all strictly legal
00:35:16because, making allowances for the dear little ear,
00:35:21we find you guilty of merely
00:35:23creating a disturbance in public
00:35:25and inflict a minimum penalty of three days in jail.
00:35:29Three days?
00:35:31In three days,
00:35:32this monster will be free to repeat his crime.
00:35:39Three days in jail or 150 francs and costs.
00:35:43Oh, I'll pay the fine.
00:35:45150 francs plus city taxes,
00:35:47plus special taxes,
00:35:48plus government taxes,
00:35:49plus registration fees.
00:35:51Total, 1,000 francs, 80 centimes.
00:35:56Will you please give me the address of the jail?
00:36:11Do I knock or do I not knock?
00:36:13Knock.
00:36:14Knock.
00:36:15Knock, knock.
00:36:16Knock, knock.
00:36:19What do you want?
00:36:20Well, I have here a permit.
00:36:21I have four signatures.
00:36:22I have a stamp.
00:36:23Now I want a card.
00:36:25Are you a French citizen?
00:36:26Yes.
00:36:28What did your mother and father die of?
00:36:30They didn't.
00:36:31I'll have to look up your record.
00:36:33My record?
00:36:34Yes, sir.
00:36:35We have on file here
00:36:36a complete life's history of every citizen.
00:36:38Well, I'll be back after a while.
00:36:40Sit down.
00:36:50All right!
00:36:51All right!
00:37:21I'd like to pay the fine in the Martin case, please.
00:37:25Martin, Martin, Martin, Martin,
00:37:27him, him, him, him, him, him, him.
00:37:32Still?
00:37:43I've got him.
00:37:44I've got him.
00:37:45Now, now I can go in.
00:37:48Oh, you didn't need a card to go into the trial.
00:37:51What?
00:37:52Why, you told me ahead.
00:37:53To go into the reserve door, yes.
00:37:55Oh, yes, yes.
00:37:56This entrance is public.
00:37:58Oh, this is public.
00:37:59Oh, yes.
00:38:00You know, don't you?
00:38:01Oh, yes, yes.
00:38:02Now I know.
00:38:03Where are you going?
00:38:04I'm going into the trial.
00:38:08The trial is over.
00:38:09Oh.
00:38:10Then I don't need this anymore.
00:38:11No.
00:38:12The trial is over.
00:38:13Yes.
00:38:14Oh, yes.
00:38:15The trial is over.
00:38:17What did they do with Martin?
00:38:18They put him in jail.
00:38:20What?
00:38:21He couldn't pay his fine.
00:38:22Oh.
00:38:25Couldn't pay his fine, huh?
00:38:26Oh.
00:38:27Couldn't pay his fine.
00:38:47Where are they?
00:38:48Where are they?
00:38:49You know, they.
00:38:50Where are what?
00:38:51Where they put them.
00:38:52You know, where they, where they, you know.
00:38:53Oh, the cell.
00:38:54The cell.
00:38:55You go upstairs, the second corridor.
00:38:56Don't tell me.
00:38:57I'll find it better if you don't tell me.
00:38:58Are you sure he'll be released immediately?
00:38:59Immediately?
00:39:00Shut the wicket.
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00:49:25♪
00:49:34Oh!
00:49:34♪
00:50:02Mademoiselle!
00:50:03♪
00:50:11Mademoiselle!
00:50:11♪
00:50:15Oh!
00:50:15♪
00:50:19Mademoiselle, I...
00:50:20I'm sorry you fell.
00:50:21You knocked me down!
00:50:22Did you bump your head?
00:50:23♪
00:50:26Oh, look!
00:50:26♪
00:50:31That's perfect, ma'am.
00:50:33It's the whiskers that do it.
00:50:35I'm sure with whiskers like that at your house,
00:50:37I could learn to skate very quickly.
00:50:40Will you go and let me get up?
00:50:48Oh!
00:50:48♪
00:50:55Well, come on.
00:50:55I can't let you stay here.
00:50:56You're in everybody's way.
00:50:58Oh, be careful!
00:51:00You're always tapping me out.
00:51:02I...
00:51:02I suppose I'll be thanking you the rest of my life.
00:51:05Well, I hope you don't consider this a permanent arrangement.
00:51:07Ready?
00:51:08It's a very nice arrangement.
00:51:09Come on.
00:51:09♪
00:51:15You know...
00:51:15Oh!
00:51:16You know, I don't often come here like this without my chaperone.
00:51:19Except today.
00:51:20Well, she just happened to have something else she wanted to do.
00:51:22♪
00:51:34Ninety-nine.
00:51:34First seat, sir.
00:51:36♪
00:51:59Oh!
00:52:01It's five o'clock.
00:52:02I really must be going.
00:52:03Oh!
00:52:03I forgot I wanted to pay back a thousand francs.
00:52:06Well, then that ends the matter.
00:52:08I won't see you again.
00:52:09Why should you?
00:52:10Oh, I'm afraid I couldn't pay back a thousand francs at one time.
00:52:14You see, I thought you would permit me to pay back a little every day.
00:52:18Say, a hundred francs.
00:52:22Then that's a deal.
00:52:23I'll see you later.
00:52:24Good-bye.
00:52:24Good-bye.
00:52:25Good-bye.
00:52:25Good-bye.
00:52:26Good-bye.
00:52:26Good-bye.
00:52:27Good-bye.
00:52:27Good-bye.
00:52:28Good-bye.
00:52:28Good-bye.
00:52:29Then that would take ten days.
00:52:31♪
00:52:54Oh!
00:52:55Well, I think we're getting along very well together.
00:52:58That's what I would think.
00:53:00♪
00:53:08Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to announce an exhibition by Mlle. Agda, queen of the ice.
00:53:17Will everyone please clear the ice?
00:53:21Mlle. Agda.
00:53:29Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:53:30Do you mind getting off the rink?
00:53:38I beg your pardon.
00:53:39Do you mind getting off the rink?
00:53:47I beg your pardon.
00:53:48Do you mind getting off the rink?
00:53:50I beg your pardon.
00:53:51I beg your...
00:53:52Lily Potter.
00:53:54The monster.
00:53:55And Heron's daughter again.
00:53:57The monster.
00:54:02Hold it! Hold it!
00:54:04Oh, get it, boys.
00:54:05This is terrifying publicity, Mr. Monster.
00:54:08Thank you, sir.
00:54:11I tell you I won't have it.
00:54:13You're involving my family and exploiting my daughter.
00:54:15That little Lily.
00:54:16It's an ill wind, my dear Bellarona.
00:54:18It doesn't ruffle the feathers of the rooster and settle the feathers of the goose.
00:54:21Rooster, the little lamb.
00:54:23You can't use my daughter for your cheap publicity.
00:54:26But what a daughter.
00:54:27My compliments to you, my dear sir.
00:54:29And what publicity.
00:54:30My gratitude to your daughter.
00:54:32The little Lily lamb.
00:54:33Don't forget that I'm not in the newspaper business for nothing.
00:54:36I'll start a scandal that'll ruin your theater.
00:54:38Another scandal of what cooperation?
00:54:42More good news, huh?
00:54:44Send complimentary tickets for the opening night, Mr. Ferrara.
00:54:47And get me the news photographer.
00:54:48That'll be all.
00:54:51See here, Mr. Ferrara.
00:54:53There is something going on about here that I do not know about.
00:54:57Something you do not know about.
00:54:59But something Monique does know about.
00:55:01And something I'm going to find something out about.
00:55:04I see.
00:55:05In other words, something.
00:55:06Monique!
00:55:07Paris has gone mad.
00:55:09Paris has always been mad.
00:55:10I am mad too.
00:55:11You've always been mad.
00:55:12Yes.
00:55:13And now I'm mad.
00:55:15Yes, you should be mad too.
00:55:17When every girl on every street goes about singing that foolish song
00:55:21and expecting something wonderful to happen to her.
00:55:24That song.
00:55:40See, even you are singing it.
00:55:42Well, so are you.
00:55:43Me?
00:55:44Well, anyway, it's a good song and I like it.
00:55:46And so do I.
00:55:48Monique!
00:56:01Well, where are you going?
00:56:03Skating.
00:56:04What again?
00:56:05Well, it's marvelous exercise.
00:56:06You know, I never felt better in my life.
00:56:08You see, she's proud of you.
00:56:09It makes her feel good.
00:56:10What on earth are you talking about?
00:56:11This.
00:56:16What a picture.
00:56:18It's good of Martano, don't you think?
00:56:22Well, I...
00:56:24I look simply frightful, though.
00:56:26Exactly.
00:56:27Frightful.
00:56:29And where were you while this was going on?
00:56:31Me?
00:56:32Well, father, I don't need a guardian every afternoon.
00:56:35No, you need a regiment.
00:56:36Well, father, can I prevent him skating if he wants to?
00:56:39I can, that Mephisto.
00:56:41I'll prevent his skating.
00:56:43I'll prevent his kissing.
00:56:44I'll prevent his living.
00:56:46That's enough.
00:56:47You'll do nothing of the kind.
00:56:48You go on back to your room.
00:56:49Both you girls, back to your rooms.
00:56:50Go on.
00:56:51From now on, I'll handle this matter myself.
00:56:54Myself.
00:56:59Oh, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
00:57:01It's an outrage.
00:57:02To keep you waiting like this.
00:57:03He's an hour late for dress rehearsal.
00:57:04And what is he anyway?
00:57:05An Englishman.
00:57:06Yes.
00:57:07Think of I who made him, created him.
00:57:08Lifted him up from a mere nobody to a great star.
00:57:11And overnight, face in every newspaper, his name in lights.
00:57:16It was I. I.
00:57:17So it was you.
00:57:18You're the fellow who kissed a girl in the cinema, huh?
00:57:20Yes.
00:57:21No.
00:57:22That reminds me to remind Martha to do it again.
00:57:34I'm a respectable woman, I tell you.
00:57:36I am.
00:57:37I admit it.
00:57:38In fact, I'm in favor of it.
00:57:42Oh, but I can't stand this concealment any longer.
00:57:46Can't you, Philip?
00:57:47No.
00:57:48Either we must face your husband, or we must part.
00:57:53Philip, no, really.
00:57:55What is there left to do?
00:57:59Yes.
00:58:00Yes.
00:58:01I understand.
00:58:03But how will I ever forgive myself for breaking your heart?
00:58:08Oh, that...
00:58:09Oh, that's all right, little woman.
00:58:19Is that him?
00:58:21Yes.
00:58:22Who's the girl?
00:58:23It doesn't make any difference.
00:58:24It's a girl.
00:58:25Goodbye.
00:58:27Yes, I know how you are suffering, Philip.
00:58:31You are suffering, aren't you?
00:58:33What?
00:58:34Why?
00:58:35Naturally.
00:58:36Well, if we are saying goodbye, you may kiss me for the last time.
00:58:42You mean, for the first time.
00:58:58Morning!
00:58:59Ah, there you are.
00:59:00Ah, good morning.
00:59:01Ah, good morning.
00:59:02Did you have a good rest?
00:59:03Yes, thank you.
00:59:04I trust this dress rehearsal is not going to be too much of a strain for you.
00:59:07Oh, not at all.
00:59:08No, thank you.
00:59:09Simply lovely.
00:59:10Because I thought it was going to be different.
00:59:11But look at us.
00:59:12We're just as unready as any company at a dress rehearsal.
00:59:14Back to your places.
00:59:15Come on, move.
00:59:16Hurry.
00:59:17You move like snails.
00:59:18Snails.
00:59:19Oh, you shut up.
00:59:20I know my line.
00:59:21Okay, I just want you to run over the new lyrics to the song.
00:59:23And put some warmth and some oomph into it, you know?
00:59:26You know.
00:59:30The rain was dripping.
00:59:31I was slipping.
00:59:32And so I thought to see a movie would be a rip-off.
00:59:35Yes, that's fine.
00:59:36Splendid.
00:59:37Excellent.
00:59:38But more warmth, my dear boy.
00:59:39More oomph.
00:59:40Well, apparently I haven't so much oomph.
00:59:44Now, I'm going to show you how to do it.
00:59:46I'm going to play you.
00:59:47Oh, that's a bad piece of casting.
00:59:50Well, I'll be you for the time being.
00:59:52Now, I'm going to sing the song that all Paris is waiting to hear.
00:59:56Just imagine me coming down the aisle and taking my seat,
00:59:58just as you did in the cinema of The Famous Kiss.
01:00:00And you'll sit next to Clara.
01:00:01Clara?
01:00:02Clara?
01:00:03Yes.
01:00:04Clara is going to play the pen-around girl, you see.
01:00:06Another bad piece of casting.
01:00:08How do you know?
01:00:09You've never kissed me.
01:00:10Well, I did.
01:00:12Quiet, poo-poo.
01:00:15No, no, come, come, come, come, come.
01:00:16Now, this is how it must be sung.
01:00:18The mask of comedy concealing the throbbing heart of romance.
01:00:23You follow me.
01:00:24It'll be quite easy.
01:00:25My key, please.
01:00:27Now, the first part's unimportant, you see,
01:00:29because everybody just tells the story and everybody knows the story.
01:00:31So, all right, you know.
01:00:35The rain was dripping and I was sleeping
01:00:37and so I thought to see a movie would be ripping.
01:00:39It was a dark beer, so nice to park beer,
01:00:41especially on that rainy afternoon.
01:00:44A lovely stranger sat there beside me
01:00:48and there was danger but no conscience there to guide me.
01:00:52I squeezed her hand then, it was so grand then,
01:00:55on that lucky rain, rain, rainy afternoon.
01:00:59Upon the screen there was a scene of love supreme,
01:01:02but in between I caught a glimpse of loveliness divine
01:01:08that stole away this heart of mine.
01:01:11Believe me, mister, who could resist her?
01:01:15Before I knew what I was doing, I had kissed her.
01:01:22There's another way to do that, you know.
01:01:24You could kiss her before you sing the words kissed.
01:01:26We'll try that again.
01:01:27Before I knew what I was doing, I had kissed her.
01:01:33I think it's better to kiss her after you say the words kissed.
01:01:36It gives you a little more time.
01:01:38Before I knew what I was doing, I had kissed her.
01:01:44Oh, that one?
01:01:47Well, the story's simple, a saucy dimple
01:01:52brought us together on that rainy afternoon.
01:02:02You did that very well, my darling, well.
01:02:05Oh, shall I try it again?
01:02:08Okay, if you like, yes.
01:02:09Oh, shall I try it again?
01:02:12Okay, if you like, yes.
01:02:13All right, come on, Clara.
01:02:14No, no, no, no, Clara's busy.
01:02:16Ludo, you come and understudy Clara from the same time, will you?
01:02:19How long have you been employed in my theater?
01:02:28Martin!
01:02:29Yes?
01:02:30Just a minute, you're the fellow I'm looking for.
01:02:31How do you do?
01:02:32Is it about Monique?
01:02:33So, you follow Monique, do you?
01:02:35I can explain that.
01:02:36That's all right, I'm not here for an explanation.
01:02:38It's friendship, if that's what you call it.
01:02:39Macis!
01:02:40Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
01:02:43You see, I am deeply indebted to your daughter,
01:02:47but as much as I would like it to be otherwise,
01:02:50our friendship is nothing but a business arrangement.
01:02:53Business?
01:02:54Yes, you see, after she paid my fine and got me out of jail,
01:02:57well, the least I could do was to pay her back.
01:03:00Monique paid your fine?
01:03:02Yes.
01:03:03Why, if I...
01:03:09Oh, uh...
01:03:10Now, look here, my friend, I want to hear more about this.
01:03:13Why did she pay your fine?
01:03:14You see, she realized that as long as I was in jail,
01:03:17the whole incident would be headlined in the papers,
01:03:19so to avoid any more publicity, she paid my fine.
01:03:22I'm only interested in there being no more scandals,
01:03:24and as you are a gentleman that respects Monique...
01:03:27Respects Monique?
01:03:28Respects Monique.
01:03:29Respects Monique.
01:03:30Respects Monique.
01:03:31Respects Monique.
01:03:32Respects Monique.
01:03:33Respects Monique.
01:03:34Respects Monique.
01:03:35Respects Monique.
01:03:36Respects Monique.
01:03:37Respects Monique.
01:03:38Respect, Monsieur Fuller, and there's nothing in the world I wouldn't...
01:03:41Well, them for Monique sake, I hope you will use discretion,
01:03:44good judgment and good taste.
01:03:46And no more scandals.
01:03:49For Monique sake.
01:03:51Thank you, Martin.
01:03:54Uh, goodbye, Martin!
01:04:01Thank you, Martin.
01:04:02Thank you, my friend.
01:04:07Thank you, guys.
01:04:14Monique!
01:04:15Alfredo! I won't be followed about like this.
01:04:17If you wanted something, you could have waited.
01:04:19Yes, but look.
01:04:23Well, of all this...
01:04:25You are mad at him. Oh, I'm delighted.
01:04:27I'll show him.
01:04:29Oh, pressure!
01:04:31Monique!
01:04:32Oh!
01:04:37Monique, wait!
01:04:38Oh, you, you! Kissing women in taxi cabs?
01:04:40Who?
01:04:41Just so that you can get your pictures in the paper again.
01:04:43What do you do? Hire photographers to follow you?
01:04:45Oh, that was the girl I thought I was kissing in the cinema.
01:04:48But I was just saying goodbye to her forever so that you and I could...
01:04:52Oh, let me go.
01:04:54Look! The monster!
01:04:56Oh, no, no, not me. He, he...
01:04:59Hey!
01:05:04What do you mean?
01:05:07Here, you!
01:05:08There's your monstrosity!
01:05:10Hey, him all right? I saw his pictures in the paper.
01:05:12What have I done?
01:05:13Oh, just a minute, please.
01:05:15Are you going to let them do this to me?
01:05:23No violence.
01:05:24Oh.
01:05:26I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
01:05:35Dear, oh, dear, I'm ruined.
01:05:37I have to give all those people their money back.
01:05:39If you still have money to give them back.
01:05:41If I still had it, yes.
01:05:42You realize that the curtain goes up in a few hours?
01:05:44Yes.
01:05:45And you haven't got a leading man?
01:05:46Ah, yes, you have.
01:05:48I'm in perfect voice.
01:05:50And I have 15 years of experience behind me.
01:05:52Behind you?
01:05:53Behind me.
01:05:54Behind you.
01:05:55Have you ever kissed a girl in a cinema?
01:05:57Never kissed one?
01:05:58Just one?
01:05:59One?
01:06:00I have it.
01:06:01You're his understudy.
01:06:02You can understudy him behind the bars.
01:06:04Bah!
01:06:05I am no convict.
01:06:06And you're no singer.
01:06:07But you're a prompter.
01:06:08It's your job to think things up.
01:06:10We'll take a taxi and you'll think.
01:06:12I think we're all going to jail.
01:06:13That's what I think.
01:06:14Monsieur Perrin.
01:06:15Monsieur Perrin.
01:06:16You don't realize.
01:06:17You don't seem to realize.
01:06:18That, that our particular...
01:06:19Our particular...
01:06:20Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.
01:06:21You don't make sense.
01:06:22One at a time.
01:06:23Now, what is this all about?
01:06:24Martha is in jail and I am ruined.
01:06:26Yeah.
01:06:27He's ruined.
01:06:28Martha is in jail.
01:06:29Will you kindly keep this echo of yours quiet?
01:06:30Quiet.
01:06:31Quiet.
01:06:32Quiet.
01:06:33Quiet.
01:06:34I don't see that either fact interests me.
01:06:36Monsieur, Martha has been caught again in a trifling indiscretion.
01:06:38May have trifled.
01:06:39He attacked your daughter again.
01:06:41Again?
01:06:42The first time was an outrage.
01:06:44But if there's a second time, it's a triumph.
01:06:46Don't try to keep guessing what I'm going to say.
01:06:49I mean what you should say.
01:06:50Something has got to be done with you.
01:06:52To help you, I would do nothing.
01:06:54Oh, thank you very much.
01:06:55But to keep my daughter's name unblemished, I'd move...
01:06:58Heaven and earth.
01:06:59No, the world.
01:07:00Oh, the world.
01:07:01Well, maybe I cover a little too much territory.
01:07:03Gentlemen, gentlemen.
01:07:04Martha is in jail.
01:07:05And you're ruined.
01:07:06Yes, right.
01:07:09Hello there, daughter.
01:07:15Hello, dear.
01:07:21Father?
01:07:22Well?
01:07:25Is there anything new in the paper?
01:07:27Oh, you and Martin still have the headlines.
01:07:32Oh, how long do you think they'll keep him in jail?
01:07:34Maybe forever.
01:07:36It's a second offense, you know.
01:07:38I don't know.
01:07:39I don't know.
01:07:40I don't know.
01:07:41I don't know.
01:07:42I don't know.
01:07:43I don't know.
01:07:44I don't know.
01:07:45I don't know.
01:07:46I don't know.
01:07:47I don't know.
01:07:48I don't know.
01:07:50And he's considered dangerous to the entire womanhood of France.
01:07:55Oh, that's absurd.
01:07:57If he doesn't appear at the theater tonight, he'll never get another chance.
01:08:01Oh, then it's his career you're interested in.
01:08:06Yes.
01:08:10Oh, please stop being an important publisher and be an important father.
01:08:14But, but, your excellency.
01:08:16Gentlemen, gentlemen.
01:08:17I have had a hundred telegrams.
01:08:19My phone has been driving me mad all afternoon.
01:08:22An army of women, some beautiful, some so-so, are now waiting in my ante room.
01:08:28All...
01:08:29Demanding his release.
01:08:30Exactly.
01:08:31You mean to tell me that you want to be the first man to go down on his feet to refuse a thousand women?
01:08:35No.
01:08:36Yes.
01:08:37To uphold the law, I'd refuse any woman anything.
01:08:42Who is this man?
01:08:43He's the minister of justice.
01:08:44Is he?
01:08:45Are you?
01:08:46Yes, really.
01:08:47Oh, hello, how are you?
01:08:49Look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
01:08:50You let me have Martin for one month and I'll let you have him for ten years now.
01:08:54Very generous offer.
01:08:55But entirely without precedent.
01:08:57Napoleon, wait for precedent?
01:09:02Why don't you confess that you're the monster?
01:09:04Why don't you confess that you're an idiot?
01:09:05Well, I don't mind.
01:09:06Well, all right, then.
01:09:07Gentlemen, gentlemen.
01:09:08A very fine point has been raised by the idiot.
01:09:11I mean this gentleman here.
01:09:13A fine point about Napoleon.
01:09:15Like him, I adhere to my decisions.
01:09:17In this case, I can do absolutely nothing.
01:09:20Nothing?
01:09:21Nothing?
01:09:22Nothing.
01:09:24Pardon me.
01:09:26Hello?
01:09:28Oh, hello, darling.
01:09:31It's my little wife.
01:09:33The Empress Josephine.
01:09:35Yes, my darling.
01:09:37You haven't forgotten about the new review that's opening tonight, have you, darling?
01:09:42Oh, darling, I'm sorry.
01:09:44An affair of state, this is.
01:09:49I know, but I have a new dress.
01:09:52Oh, it's an affair of state.
01:09:55I want to go and I have a new dress.
01:09:59Oh, my.
01:10:00No, my darling.
01:10:02Yes, my darling.
01:10:05No, my darling.
01:10:07Very well, my darling.
01:10:10Oh, gentlemen, that really was my little wife.
01:10:15You know, on second thought, Napoleon was also open-minded.
01:10:21If I grant your request...
01:10:23Oh, thank you so much.
01:10:25But before I release Martin,
01:10:28you must first get the signatures of the Chief of Police,
01:10:31the Inspector of Prisons,
01:10:33the Keeper of the Seals,
01:10:35Registrar, Commissioner...
01:10:39The Chief of Police.
01:10:45Lalililili.
01:10:47Here comes the most important fiancée in Paris.
01:10:54Ah, monsieur.
01:10:56Oh, but Monique, my sweet Harry, Harry, you'll be late for the opening.
01:11:00How can I be in the opening with Martin in jail?
01:11:02Oh, no, no, no. Have you not seen the extra just out?
01:11:05He is being released.
01:11:07Well, I don't understand why you should be so delighted about that.
01:11:09Haven't you heard?
01:11:10Mayo knows Martin is no actor and is just exploiting him.
01:11:14As an actor, he will be a colossal flap.
01:11:18Tonight, the audience will jeer him off the stage.
01:11:21I wouldn't miss that for anything in the world.
01:11:24They wouldn't dare laugh at him.
01:11:27Yes.
01:11:28All afternoon, I have been practicing my hiss.
01:11:32Alfredo, if you saw much of that or a hiss,
01:11:35one little hiss or even a shush, I'll...
01:11:38No, Monique.
01:11:39If you do not permit me to hiss him,
01:11:42I... I break off the engagement.
01:11:44You will?
01:11:46Most likely.
01:11:47Come on, father. You're not dressed for the theater either.
01:11:50Wait a minute. I've torn up the tickets.
01:11:53All right. I've got four seats with a compliment to the manager.
01:11:56Oh, all right.
01:12:06Deh, de, la, de, de, de, de, de, de, de...
01:12:10La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
01:12:13Constance!
01:12:14Yes?
01:12:15Release Martin!
01:12:19Here, here, here's the release. Here's the release. Take it, take it.
01:12:22Honey, Philippe, you're releasing with the show starts in 15 minutes.
01:12:24Come on.
01:12:25I am not interested.
01:12:26What?
01:12:28I am going to stay here.
01:12:29Well, after all the trouble we went to get you out?
01:12:30Yes, I am staying here.
01:12:32I'm not going to be made a fool of any longer.
01:12:34Headlines, photographs, fan mail, my name in lights.
01:12:38Not because I'm an actor or a singer, but because I'm a freak.
01:12:41Well, you tell your newspapers that the monster has retired to private life in jail.
01:12:47It's that ballroom girl.
01:12:49I heard you, Toto.
01:12:51Do you think that I'd be interested in a girl that allows them to arrest me just because
01:12:54I kissed another girl, a girl I don't care that much about?
01:12:58Oh, then you kissed the wrong girl again.
01:13:00That's marvelous. I can just see the headlines tomorrow morning.
01:13:03Monster weakened.
01:13:04Disappoints audience.
01:13:05Refuses to face music.
01:13:06Rejects career.
01:13:07And Monique will see this breakfast and she'll turn to Papa Bella and she'll say,
01:13:11I was right to let them arrest him.
01:13:13He turned out to be a coward after all.
01:13:19Let's go.
01:13:20Yes, let's go.
01:13:27Tell the orchestra to play the overture.
01:13:28They've already played it.
01:13:29But tell them to play it again.
01:13:31Where's Martin's dress suit?
01:13:33Bruno has it on, but I got the veil.
01:13:35You will be fortunate if the imposter does not appear.
01:13:38Then I shall assume my rightful place.
01:13:40The show must go on.
01:13:41Yes, and if Martin gets here, those clothes come off.
01:13:53Hurry, hurry.
01:13:53You better start getting undressed.
01:14:01Let me have a photograph.
01:14:15This seat is reserved for Monsieur Martin.
01:14:22It's part of the show.
01:14:24I beg your pardon.
01:14:26Excuse me.
01:14:28Kind of a wrong seat.
01:14:30A hundred francs if you get us there in time.
01:14:33And a black eye if you don't.
01:14:35Start the show.
01:14:36Bring out the curtain.
01:14:38Please welcome to the show Ouibe.
01:14:51We want Martin!
01:14:52We want Martin!
01:14:58You'll be all right.
01:15:06You'll be all right.
01:15:16The rain was drifting, and I was drifting, and so I thought to see a movie with you.
01:15:46It was so dark there, so nice to bark there, especially on one rainy afternoon.
01:15:53A lovely stranger stood there beside me, and there was danger, but no conjecture beside me.
01:15:59I squeezed her hand, and oh, it was so grand, that lucky rain, rain, rainy afternoon.
01:16:05Upon the screen, there was a scene of love supreme.
01:16:10But in between, I caught a glimpse of loveliness divine that stole away this heart of mine.
01:16:18Believe me, mister, who could resist her? Before I knew what I was doing, I had killed her.
01:16:25The story's simple, the story's simple, brought us together on one rainy afternoon.
01:16:33Love has a funny habit, it takes you on nowhere.
01:16:38Just when you least expect it, it's right beside you there.
01:16:43Love came, and did I have it, and incidentally, look what one rainy afternoon brought me.
01:16:53The rain was drifting, and I was drifting, and so I thought to see a movie with you.
01:17:00It was so dark there, so nice to bark there, especially on one rainy afternoon.
01:17:07A lovely stranger stood there beside me, and there was danger, but no conjecture beside me.
01:17:13I squeezed her hand, and oh, it was so grand, that lucky rain, rain, rainy afternoon.
01:17:20Upon the screen, there was a scene of love supreme, but in between, I caught a glimpse of loveliness divine.
01:17:35Believe me, mister, could you resist her? Before I knew what I was doing, I had...
01:17:42You're not offended.
01:17:43No.
01:17:44The story's endless, thanks to one rainy afternoon.
01:18:14THE END
01:18:44© BF-WATCH TV 2021