The Beverly Hillbillies - S2E14: Christmas at the Clampetts
TV-G | 25min | Comedy, Family | TV Series (1962–1971)
Mr. Drysdale's idea for Christmas presents are ones only fit for coastal California, like diving suits and a boat, and a television set, which Granny thinks is some kind of fancy washing machine.
Creator: Paul Henning
Stars: Buddy Ebsen, Donna Douglas, Irene Ryan
TV-G | 25min | Comedy, Family | TV Series (1962–1971)
Mr. Drysdale's idea for Christmas presents are ones only fit for coastal California, like diving suits and a boat, and a television set, which Granny thinks is some kind of fancy washing machine.
Creator: Paul Henning
Stars: Buddy Ebsen, Donna Douglas, Irene Ryan
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00What are you looking for, Granny?
00:24I'm looking for the hole in the roof.
00:26What hole in the roof?
00:28The hole in the roof that snow comes from.
00:30Well, look yonder.
00:31It's all over the tree and all over the floor.
00:34Ellie, you sweep it up before it gets to melting and gets everything solid.
00:38Jethro, you climb up on the roof and patch the hole that it comes through.
00:42Hey, I don't think this is snow at all.
00:44It ain't cold and it don't melt.
00:48Well, I'll bet you this is what they call artificial snow.
00:51I don't care what you call it.
00:52Get up on the roof and patch the hole it comes through.
00:55I reckon Jethro means this Beverly Hills snow ain't the kind that falls down from the sky.
00:59That's right.
01:00You just throw this around by hand.
01:02Pitiful things, pitiful.
01:05Don't even know how to snow pump around here.
01:08Granny, Christmas ain't no day to go lambasting Beverly Hills again.
01:12Hey, everybody, let's open the presents.
01:14Yeah.
01:15Hey, come on, Granny.
01:16Oh, put me down, you big...
01:20Hey, Ellie Mae, this one's to you from Miss Jane.
01:23Listen to this.
01:24To Ellie Mae, so sweet and fair, use this gift to have dry hair.
01:28Sounds like it's going to rain.
01:30Hey, Jethro, this one here is for you.
01:33Ellie, too.
01:36Hey, it's from Mr. and Mrs. Drosdy.
01:38What do you think's in it?
01:40Well, there's one way to find out.
01:42Open it up.
01:45Look, a bottle.
01:48Look, Pa, it's a hat.
01:51Well, it ain't that pretty.
01:53Feels like a rain hat.
01:55Yeah, this will sure enough keep my hair dry when I'm walking in the rain.
01:58What's this hose for in the back?
02:00Well, I reckon that's to let the water drain off.
02:03Hey, Uncle Jeth.
02:07Look what I got, a brand new suit of clothes.
02:10Looks like it's made out of rubber.
02:12Fella sure could keep dry in this rascal.
02:14I reckon it's for walking in the rain, like Ellie's hat.
02:17I reckon these go on my feet.
02:19Be kind of awkward walking in these.
02:22I tell you what, Jethro.
02:24Why don't you put the whole thing on? We'll see how it looks.
02:26Hey, yes, sir, Uncle Jeth.
02:29What you got there, Granny?
02:31Near as I can figure, it's one of them electric washing machines like we got out back.
02:35Only this one's got a clothes drying rack on it.
02:38It's a lot fancier than that other machine.
02:41Your dad blamed fancy. I can't figure out how to get the clothes in it.
02:46Let's see now.
02:48Ain't got a knob here marked on.
02:51Let's turn that and see what happens.
02:55A lot quieter than the other one.
02:57I don't think it's working, Granny.
02:59Don't hardly see how it could.
03:01No way to put water in it.
03:03Maybe it'll lighten up.
03:07Lookie under.
03:11This done got water in it?
03:13Look at that.
03:19There's fish in there.
03:21Tell you what.
03:31I didn't see it.
03:34Oh!
03:41Jeth! Jeth!
03:43Jeth! Hurry, shut this thing off!
03:45Wait!
03:47What'd you see?
03:49I ain't tellin', but one thing's certain.
03:51I ain't gonna wash none of our clothes in there until that water's been changed.
03:55Well, that's a pretty washing machine, Pa.
03:57The Drysdale's. Oh, Elliot, did you get Miss Drysdale's present?
04:00Sure did. I'll fetch it.
04:03What's that girl got on her head?
04:05Oh, that's her new rain hat. Miss Jane gave it to her.
04:07I thought it wasn't supposed to rain out here much.
04:10Sure it is.
04:12What kind of a varmint is that?
04:14It's what Miss Drysdale wants most of all for Christmas.
04:17A mink.
04:21Well, me, Miss Drysdale especially wanted a full-length mink.
04:24Is this one fill-a-bill?
04:26Yes, sir. It's as long as they come.
04:28I don't know the answer to this, but I'm gonna ask you anyway.
04:31You didn't by any chance steal this critter, did you?
04:33No, sir.
04:35Well, I know you hadn't, but Miss Drysdale made such a point of it.
04:38She said she didn't want no mink stole.
04:46Oh.
04:48Oh.
04:50Elvin.
04:52Just what I wanted most of all.
04:55A full-length mink.
04:58Well, I'm glad you like it, dear.
05:01Well, now I gotta dash over to the Clampetts before they go outside and discover their boat.
05:04Their what?
05:06We gave them a boat for Christmas, among other things.
05:09And I had the boat company deliver it and put it right in front of their door.
05:12Orangewood, the skipper dressed?
05:14Very nearly, sir.
05:16A boat and a skipper?
05:18Isn't that overdoing it?
05:20All part of a very clever strategy, Margaret.
05:23Now, if I can get Jed hooked on sailing,
05:25Jethro and Ellie May on skin diving,
05:27and Granny on deep-sea fishing,
05:29those are things you can't do without an ocean.
05:32But, Milben, I don't want them to stay here.
05:35But, Margaret, I do.
05:37Now, you don't get coats like that with bottle caps.
05:40And just for insurance, I gave them a television set.
05:43That's something else they can't get back from the hills.
05:45The skipper is ready, sir.
05:47Here he is, sir.
05:54Why, it's an ape.
05:56Oh, no, it's a chimp.
05:58They'll be crazy about it.
05:59Oh, I hope so, sir.
06:01I would not like to add to my regular duties
06:04the daily grooming and dressing of an anthropoid.
06:10Well, let's take him next door.
06:12We'll put him on the boat, ring the doorbell, and we're on.
06:15Ah, yes, sir.
06:16Uh, madam.
06:18After you, sir.
06:28Looks like an overgrown tadpole.
06:31Lucky us.
06:32I wouldn't like to throw a tantrum.
06:34Whew.
06:35It sure is hot in this thing.
06:37I heard it was meant to be warm, mostly in the rain.
06:39How come the Drysdales are giving us so much rain stuff
06:42when it ain't supposed to rain out here?
06:44Maybe they know something we don't, Granny.
06:46Well, I'm gonna get out of this thing.
06:50There goes that rascal playing that music again.
06:54I don't think he'd learn something new for Christmas.
06:57Why don't somebody drive off?
06:58Maybe it's that fellow that plays the music.
07:00Well, we can't begrudge him taking Christmas Day off.
07:19Granny, you recollect hearing it rain last night?
07:23No.
07:24How about you, Ellie?
07:25No, sir.
07:26I didn't hear.
07:27Well, we must have slept through a regular cloudburst.
07:30What you mean?
07:32What I mean is that sometime during the night,
07:34somebody sailed a boat up our driveway.
07:50How do you reckon anybody could sail a boat up here?
07:53I don't see no high water mark on the house.
07:56Well, if there was no water,
07:58he must have got caught in a heap of wind.
08:00Hey, if that's Jethro out here,
08:02I'm gonna need help moving this thing.
08:04Yes, sir, pal.
08:05Now, whoever done this was a mighty poor sailor.
08:09Yeah, Granny.
08:10Maybe he was just celebrating a mite too much last evening.
08:13That's racist.
08:15He was drunk as a skunk.
08:17Maybe he's still in there.
08:24Granny, we don't want to mean mouth that sailor too much.
08:27If I looked like that, I might take the drink myself.
08:33Gray clouds of blue mats.
08:36That's the hairiest, ugliest sailor I ever did see.
08:42Granny, we don't want to hurt his feelings.
08:44He might have got lost at sea and hadn't had a chance to shave.
08:47Come on out, you're saved.
08:48We'll help you.
08:49Yeah, don't be afraid.
08:50You're on dry land now.
08:51You're a monk's friend.
08:55He ain't coming out.
08:57Maybe he don't understand our kind of talk.
08:59Maybe he ain't American.
09:01I hope he ain't.
09:03He's no bigger than this and bow-legged as a boot.
09:10Hey, Jethro,
09:11I've got a question for you.
09:13Come on, Jethro.
09:18My doggers, I'm glad he ain't one of our boys, too.
09:21If that's a sample of what's running our navy,
09:24our country's in for a whole heap of trouble.
09:26Come on out, sailor boy.
09:28We'll give you some fiddles.
09:31Maybe we got to talk sailor talk to him.
09:33You know any sailor talk?
09:35I heard some.
09:36Let's see.
09:38Uh, hoist your land lever
09:40and starboard your anchor out of there.
09:42That ought to get him.
09:47He ain't budging.
09:48Don't do this, Jethro.
09:50Hot diggity dog, is this ship a horn?
09:52No, I think it's wood.
09:58There's a little sailor boy in there.
10:02He looks like a monkey.
10:04Shh, Jethro, don't say things like that.
10:06You don't want to come out as it is.
10:12Why, that there's what you call a chimpanzee.
10:15Thank goodness he ain't an American boy.
10:20I'll go fetch him out.
10:24I reckon if anybody can make a sailor leave his boat,
10:26it's Ellie Mae.
10:28Jethro, you'd best go along with her.
10:30From the looks of him, he's been to sea power for a long time.
10:33Yes, sir.
10:37♪
10:40Oh, come on, Margaret, hurry up.
10:43I'm coming, Gilbert.
10:45Who are we going to drop in on?
10:47The Art Linkletters?
10:49The George Brinses?
10:50The Jet Dennys?
10:51The Jet Glabbits.
10:53I refuse to go slumming on Christmas.
10:56Well, suit yourself.
10:57Oh, I understand they have a sensational gift for you.
11:00Oh?
11:01What is it?
11:02Well, who knows?
11:03With their millions, it could be the Hope Diamond.
11:06It is the season of goodwill.
11:11Come along, dear.
11:13Hey, Granny, is Bill's boat ready? I'm hungry.
11:15He'll be ready in a minute.
11:17Where's your Uncle Jed?
11:19He's still outside puzzling over what to do with that there boat.
11:22Well, go set up the table and wait.
11:25Yes, ma'am.
11:28Hey, you don't expect me to sit at the same table with him.
11:31Why not?
11:32Well, he's a chimpanzee.
11:34I don't care what country he's from.
11:36He's hungry, and he's welcome at my table.
11:40Did he wash his hands nice and clean, Ellie?
11:42Yes, ma'am.
11:43Show Granny your hand.
11:44Ah, that's just dandy.
11:46Did you like your grits and jowls, little sailor boy?
11:53He don't talk much, but he has a right friendly smile.
11:58He don't talk much, but he has a right friendly smile.
12:11Howdy there, Mr. and Mrs. Dranzel. Merry Christmas to you.
12:14Oh, the same to you.
12:15And many, many more.
12:18I'm sorry about this boat kind of blocking the driveway here.
12:21It was sailed up there last night by a little critter called Chimpanzee.
12:24Oh, no, no.
12:26The chimpanzee didn't do it.
12:27He's a present for Ellie Mae.
12:29From Milburn and me, we know how fond the dear girl is of critters.
12:33Well, thank you very much.
12:35I had the boat put there, Mr. Clampett.
12:37It's a gift for you.
12:38From Milburn and me, we know how fond you are of outdoorsy things.
12:43Yes.
12:44Oh, by the way, you'll find a trailer for the boat in your garage.
12:47Trailer?
12:48From Milburn and me, we know how fond you are...
12:51Margaret, it has wheels.
12:54You can put the boat on it and haul it any place you'd like to go.
12:57Well, we sure are obliged for all the nice things you give us.
13:00We got a mighty nice present for you, too, Mrs. Dranzel.
13:03How big?
13:05I mean, how nice?
13:08Well, speaking of size, Ellie Mae says it's the biggest there is.
13:11Oh, you shouldn't have done it.
13:14I shouldn't?
13:15Well, we could always take it back.
13:17Oh, no, no, no.
13:18That was just an expression like diamonds are a girl's best friend.
13:22Margaret, why don't you go on in?
13:25There are some features of the boat I'd like to point out to Mr. Clampett.
13:28Yes, dear.
13:29See you later.
13:31Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
13:35I guess so.
13:54This is working beautifully, isn't it?
13:56I guess so.
13:57Where's all the water coming from?
13:59It's from Lake Erie.
14:01Where's it going?
14:02Lake Ontario.
14:04Well, I hope it don't flood our house on the way.
14:07Oh, Daddy, you're so cruel.
14:10Mr. Clampett tells me you have a gift for me.
14:12Oh, betcha we have.
14:14Ellie Mae's got it out back.
14:15Play in with it.
14:17Oh, my goodness.
14:18I hope she doesn't lose it.
14:20Oh, no, no.
14:21She's got it on a chain.
14:22Oh, well, let's hurry anyway.
14:35All right.
14:37You beat me eating bananas.
14:39But you gotta admit, I whooped you eating grits.
14:42And I'll betcha I can beat you drinking milk, too.
14:48First, I gotta rest a mite.
14:50Yes, sir.
14:51You and Skipper run out back and fetch Ellie Mae.
14:54Tell her Miss Gysdale's here for her present.
14:56Yes, Miss Granham.
14:57Howdy, Miss Gysdale.
14:58Howdy, Miss Gysdale.
14:59Miss Gysdale.
15:01Miss Gysdale.
15:03Howdy, Miss Gysdale.
15:04Hello, Jethro, dear boy.
15:07Hello, little sailor.
15:09He don't talk American.
15:13He's a chimpanzee.
15:14Come on, Skipper.
15:20Sit down, Miss Gysdale.
15:21While we're waiting for Ellie Mae in,
15:23I'll give you your other present.
15:25Oh, another present.
15:27Yes, ma'am.
15:28This here is my special Christmas gift pack.
15:32Chock full of good things to eat.
15:34Oh, it's simply beautiful.
15:38What are these divine-looking morsels?
15:41Well, up here we have deviled hawk eggs,
15:45pickled crow gizzards,
15:48possum sausages,
15:50candied catfish,
15:52and over here we have some larapin-good
15:55little toothy owl burgers.
15:58Please, no more.
16:01Got your mouth to watering, huh?
16:03Well, help yourself.
16:04It's Christmas.
16:06Miss Gysdale, I'm awful sorry,
16:08but I lost your present.
16:09Oh, no.
16:11Yes, ma'am.
16:12I was playing with it by the cement pond
16:13and the chain broke and it got away
16:15and I just can't find it.
16:17This is terrible.
16:19This is tragic.
16:21Oh.
16:22Awful sorry, Granny.
16:24Oh, don't worry, Ellie.
16:25I'll make it up to her.
16:27I'll give her two of my special Christmas gift packs.
16:29I'll give her two of my special Christmas gift packs.
16:48Yes, Mr. Clampett, I predict that you're going to get
16:50many, many hours of enjoyment from that little craft.
16:53Boating has become a tremendously popular sport here in...
16:57How do you like that?
16:59What?
17:00That hunk of fur lying on the floor
17:02is worth $10,000.
17:04You don't say.
17:05I only paid two bits for him when he was a pup.
17:09You hear that?
17:10You're worth $10,000, you old rascal.
17:12No, no, I was referring to this hunk of fur,
17:14my wife's brand new coat.
17:16Oh.
17:17I gave it to her this morning
17:19and already she leaves it lying around on the floor.
17:21That fur cost you $10,000?
17:23Yes, it did.
17:24That's a heap of money to pay to keep warm
17:26in a place that's warm to start off with.
17:28Yes, you're right.
17:29But this is a Beverly Hills status symbol.
17:32Oh.
17:33Finally, I'm going to teach her a lesson.
17:35That woman thinks my money grows on trees.
17:37Where are you going, Mr. Drydale?
17:40I'm going to take this home and hide it.
17:42I'll see you later.
17:46Duke.
17:47I never will understand these city husbands.
17:49Back home, when a woman done something to rile her man,
17:51he'd just take her over his knee and whomp her a few.
17:54Mr. Drydale's fixing to play hide and seek.
17:58Who want to get a better look at Skipper's boat?
18:00Well, that's our boat.
18:01Jethro has a present for Mr. and Ms. Drydale.
18:03Oh, by the way, Ellie Mae,
18:05did you give Ms. Drydale her present?
18:07I'm awful sorry, Pop.
18:08I was playing with the little critter and it got away.
18:12Ms. Drydale is fit to be tied.
18:14Yeah, you ought to see her, Uncle Jet.
18:15Well, she's crawling around on her hands and knees,
18:17rooting through the bushes like a hungry hog.
18:20Come on, Skipper.
18:21It ain't funny, Jethro.
18:24She done give the little critter a name and everything.
18:26You don't say.
18:27Yes, sir, she calls it Jim.
18:29She's crawling around and moaning and saying,
18:31where is it?
18:32Where's my beautiful Jim?
18:35You think Ellie Mae is fond of critters?
18:37Why, that woman is like to go out of her mind
18:39over that pesky little varmint.
18:41What did you say you called it again, Ellie?
18:43A mink.
18:44I offered to give him a squirrel,
18:45a polecat, a opossum, or anything.
18:47She wouldn't even listen.
18:48Just went right ahead of moaning and a rooting.
18:51I even offered her two of my special gift packs.
18:54Even that didn't quieten her down.
18:57Well, when that little mink gets hungry, he'll show up.
18:59Come on, let's go look at our boat.
19:04Hey, Skipper, this boat is something else.
19:06Why, there's beds down here and even a water space.
19:09Say, let me try that.
19:11Hey, let me try that.
19:23Get up on it, Granny.
19:24I don't think so.
19:25It might just up and sail off with me.
19:27Oh, it can't sail off without water.
19:29Jethro, you better bring a truck around
19:30so we can find some water to sail this rascal.
19:32Oh, yes, sir.
19:34Hey, Uncle Jim.
19:35Hey, what's this thing?
19:37Well, Miss Drydale told me that's a lifesaver.
19:39A diggity dog.
19:40It's the biggest one I ever did see.
19:43Hey, Jethro, it ain't for eating.
19:46You can say that again.
19:47You have no taste at all.
19:53Oh, where's my mink?
19:55Where's my beautiful mink, it's gone.
19:58Oh, dear.
19:59Melbourne.
20:01Melbourne.
20:03Melbourne.
20:04Melbourne.
20:05Oh.
20:06Your husband's gone homeless, Drydale.
20:07My mink is gone.
20:08My beautiful, full-length mink.
20:10Has anyone seen it?
20:11Oh, but come summertime, it's liable to show up.
20:14Oh, what a disastrous day.
20:17Oh, now calm down.
20:19Wouldn't you just as least have a rabbit
20:21or a squirrel or a raccoon?
20:23No, I want my mink.
20:25Melbourne.
20:26Melbourne.
20:27Melbourne.
20:28Melbourne.
20:29You're right, Granny.
20:30Neither Nellie wouldn't be that grieved
20:31over a lost critter.
20:33Especially one she never laid eyes on.
20:35The poor woman is so busted up
20:36she even forgot my special gift packs.
20:38Well, we can take them over later.
20:40Yeah.
20:41And the special one I made for Mr. Drysdale.
20:44It's four feet high
20:46and right in the middle it has a smoked pig
20:49with a hedge apple in his mouth.
20:51That ought to cheer him up.
20:53Oh, good.
20:54Here comes Jess and Ellie on the truck.
20:56Now we can go out and find some water
20:57to float our boat in.
20:59Who's that sitting up there beside Ellie?
21:01That's Skipper.
21:02Looks like he's got a coat and a hat on him.
21:04I'd give Skipper April's old hat and coat
21:06because he's from the warm country.
21:10Here's your raft.
21:11That's fine, Ellie.
21:12Well, Jess, fellas, where do you reckon
21:14we ought to look first?
21:15Well, right here till there's the Los Angeles River.
21:18How about that?
21:19Well, it sounds like that ought to float
21:21a good-sized boat.
21:22Let's get rolling.
21:24Beautiful, beautiful.
21:26They call that thing a river?
21:28Oh, yes, ma'am, Granny.
21:29That there's what they call the Los Angeles River.
21:35Well, that ain't enough water down there
21:36to wet down a good-sized crow, that is, they call it.
21:39Beautiful, beautiful.
21:41Well, it's for sure gonna be a good-sized boat.
21:43Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:44Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:45Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:46Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:47Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:48Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:49Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:50Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:51Oh, yes, ma'am.
21:52Well, it's for certain we can't float our boat in there.
21:55What are we gonna do then, Uncle Jed?
21:57Let's take a drive around,
21:58see what other folks does with their boats.
22:01How about we drive up onto the freeway?
22:03Let's go.
22:19Hey, Uncle Jed, yonder is a boat.
22:23Hmm.
22:25That boat was rolling on wheels.
22:28If it drives, it'll give us wheels for our boat, too.
22:31Yonder goes another one.
22:36Let's get off the freeway, Jed Thoreau.
22:38Try some other streets.
22:40Everybody keep your eyes peeled for water and boats.
22:44Yonder's one.
22:52There's a whole lot full.
22:53On wheels, too.
22:56Watch out, Jed Thoreau.
22:57You'll run into that...
23:02Uncle Jed!
23:03My doggies, they's all on wheels.
23:07Well, that was a dandy ride.
23:09I know now why Mr. Dry Junk gives them wheels for our boat.
23:12There's not enough water in this place to boil an egg,
23:15let alone float a boat.
23:17Oh, are we gonna put our boat on wheels
23:19and haul it around the street?
23:20Well, that wouldn't be much fun.
23:21You can't dive off it.
23:22You can't fish off it.
23:23You can't...
23:24Well, I don't know, Jed Thoreau.
23:25It must be some fun,
23:26or all them people wouldn't be doing it.
23:28Honey, quit!
23:30What's the matter, Granny?
23:31No wonder we couldn't find any water.
23:33Lookie here.
23:34Even the washing machine is dried up.
23:41Well, it's been a dry Christmas for the right merry one.